My Lines Danny M1

P: Josh "Giants?" / Eve "Cyclops Griffin"

L: "Human head body like a goat"

P: Eve: "Fauns"

L: "Werewolves. Vampires."

P: Dave: "Obviously we can't do werewolves / or vampires"

L: "I'm just riffing"

P: Dave: "Giants...Centaurs..."

L: "Cyclops Griffin, Humanhead Goat" /

P: Brian: "Okay"

L: "Giants, Centaurs, Cyclops / uh"

P: Eve "Manticore"

L: "What?"

P: "Spirals, concentric circles, swastikas, firewheels /"

L: "What site are you looking at?" /

P: "Well..I'm Icelandic?"

L: "My sister just got back from Iceland"

P: "Iceland is like very hip these days"

L: "She showed me this picture that looked like a screensaver"

P: Sarah enters with a menu and a sheet

L: "Like there was a rainbow and a waterfall and / like an eagle."

P: towards the menu Oooooh....

L: "It's 11:30 already?"

P: "Has everyone met Sarah? You already know these idiots"

L: "HI SARAH" /

P: "I guess you'll be Danny M"

L: "But I'm Danny M"

P: "Oh fuck. That's weird. Someone needs a nickname"

L: "Flasheroo"

P: "What?!"

L: "I want everyone to call me Flasheroo"

P: "Fuck yeah Flasheroo!

L: He reaches across the table and high fives Danny M1

P: "Yeah. Order whatever you want and um...oh. Let me know if there are any snakcs you want that we don't have."

L: "You got great snacks, Sarah"

P: "What's Uni again?"

L: "Roe"

P: "These guys know this...I mean you guys have been through this...

L: Dave and Danny M1 nod vigerously

P: "I'd say half the stuff on heathens was from our lives or just / stories we'd heard from other people"

L: "More than half."

P: "What'd you say?"

L: "More than half of the stories. Were from our lives."

P: "This is a sacred spaceand what we say here obviously tays in the cone of silence"

L: "The cooooooone"

P: "Who's Alejandra?"

L: "She was this crazy / person who-"

P: "We can do anything. Jeff and Victor have given me carte blanche"

L: "Amazing"

P: "she had to have boob-reduction surgery in college / boobs, and -"

L: "Why'd she date you"

P: "He doesn't have to"

L: "You can always say 'don't put this in the notes' and he won't put it in the notes"

P: "I told him that night that I wanted to lose my virginity to him and he said something like 'sounds good' / and"

L: "I bet"

P: "Chimera Chimera Chimera"

L: "Enough"

P: "That's impossible"

L: "Gills? You don't have gills"

P: *Yes I do. All fetuses have gills but mine just stuck around. They're tiny." She pushes her hair back to show them her temples. They all lean forward. Some of them have to kind of scramble onto the table.

L: "Fuck me"

P: They all sit there while Sandy drinks from his thermos

L: "I once had this crazy thing. Oh man. This is a weird story. I once had this crazy thing that uh...I don't know if it was like a male uh...UTI or whatever but uh...Cone of silence"

P: "cone" "cone" "cone" "of course cone"

L: "Okay this was in...I just want to say first of all that this was in the early years of marriage and I'm like the most loyal husband in the world now."

P: "Oh Jesus"

L: "But right after Sly was born things were kind of weird between me and Ellen and you know you know we weren't having that much / sex"

P: "That's what happens"

L: "But more than that we were just sort of disconnected and I felt like she hated me and right cutting to the chase I started sleeping with other people. That's not true. With this other woman. This woman I worked with. I'm going to say this again. Cone cone cone cone."

P: "CONE"

L: "Anyway we were having this really hot affair but we were like, we were friends, and we were crazy attracted to each other but we both knew we weren't in Love, and we were both married, and we like...we like convinced ourselves that we weren't actually cheating on our spouses or like disrupting the sanctity of the marriage blah blah blah if we just, uh, fucked in the ass If I just fucked her in the ass. So we did that. For a while. I mean that's what we did."

P: "You never fucked her fucked her?"

L: "I never did. OKay and this was the first and last affair I ever had. So I just want to say for the record that I have never actually had uh vaginal intercourse with anyone other than my wife since marrying my wife. Okay. So anyway we're fucking like / once a week..."

P: "...Iin the ass"

L: "Yes having incredible anal sex like once every week or so and uh one day I pee and it uh...it really hurts. / It just really hurts to pee"

P: "Were you wearing a condom?"

L: "I. Was. Not"

P: "So it was...what? Gonorrhea?"

L: "And I uhh...well I don't know what it was. I got so terrified that I have an STD and that I'm gonna have to tell Ellen and I just go into denial mode. So I stop fucking this woman at work but I also stop fucking Ellen because a I'm in pain and b I don't want to give Ellen this STD and it just starts getting worse and worse and it's like peeing razors. And it's not getting better, and my dick is like...how much detail do you want?"

P: "Lots of Detail"

L: "My dick starts oozing this kind of uh yellow stuff, like I'll find just like a drop of yellow oozy pus just sitting on the tip of my dick and I'm freaking out and I'm too scared to go to the doctor because he'll ask me about the kind of sex I've been having, and then one afternoon Ellen isn't home and I realise I haven't had a wank in like two weeks because I've been like running around behind Ellen's back and pretending I'm not in excruciating pain and anyway I'm hole alone one day for the first time in a while and I know I shouldn't because I'm sore and I'll probably make it worse but..."

P: "Oh no"

L: "So I have a wank. And then I cum. And when I cum...it's the most like terrifying thing I've ever seen. I basically cum blood..."

P: "Fucking Christ"

L: "I cum this like enormous amount of jizz and blood and pus. And it hits the shower wall and it's the most disgusting thing in the world. It looks like someone was murdered. And I run to the kitchen and I get these paper towels and I start mopping the blood off the wall and while I'm mopping the blood off the wall I suddenly realise. I feel fine. I feel fine for the first time in weeks."

P: "What? How / is that -

L: "Like somehow it...whatever it was inside of me just needed to come out. I felt TOTALLY NORMAL again. And I thanked God and I never fucked this other woman again. Or anyone else. Except my wife."

P: "So you never found out what it was?"

L: "Nope"

P: "And your wife didn't get sick?

L: "Nope"

P: "I have no idea what we're talking / about"

L: "How do you see Time? I don't see Time. Time is not something you / see"

P: "He's lost his mind" Laughter

L: "Maybe you should go home and take a nap"

P: "He's such a...I watched Paragon like seven times / when I was -

L: "Paragon's not even his best work"

P: "It's a great book" they're waiting for me

L: "Tell them that thing he used to say about boats. And/how"

P: "What do you mean about boats?"

L: "Like if it floats, don't...and is it just...I can't remember. If it fucks / or"

P: "Guess how old the world's oldest animal is"

L: "What kind of animal?"

P: "This means that there is no theoretical limit to its life span but also that it is impossible to verify its age"

L: "Wow"

P: "No I get it it was just a weird thing with my mom I won't do it anymore" They all watch Eleanor shell her egg for a while

L: "That smells like farts"

P: "Sure I'll go. My dad shooting himself in the face"

L: "Wait, Really?"

P: "You know this story"

L: "I don't think I do"

P: "That's awful"

L: "I don't think you did"

P: "Does it sound familiar now?"

L: "Maybe"

P: "Biggest Regret. Danny."

L: "Let's see. Biggest regret. I guess I / always"

P: "Because they're like literally a lifetime!"

L: "Yeah"

P: "the past four yugas combined and then everything will start all over and people will be like nice to each other again"

L: "Huh"

P: "I guess only Sandy knows this but my mom died when I was thirteen?"

L: "Oh shit"

P: "Wait you guys really want to hear this? This isn't boring?"

L: "No"

P: "Hello! Oh there you all are!"

L: "Hey"

P: "Yes hello Dave!"

L: "Danny. / We"

P: "You've got a lot of big fans in this room"

L: nudges or winks at Eleanor she mouths stop!!

P: “Thank you [garbled] everyone

L: “Bye”

P: “Yeah but he used to be so sexy”

L: “He’s still a good-looking guy”

P: “she’d say uh did anyone know there’s a solar eclipse tomorrow or or have you heard / about the war in -”

L: “She had insane dietary restrictions. But not just about what she ate. Like she couldn’t be in the same room as certain. uh/ what was”

P: “Barbeque sauce!”

L: “Yeah she couldn’t be in the same room as barbecue sauce!”

P: “Once I had barbecue sauce on my sandwich and she smelled it and ran like puking to the bathroom.”

L: “How many sick days did she take?”

P: “we’d have to spend an hour filling her in!

L: “Everything offended her”

P: Dave: “Everything offended her”

L: “She would just say about everything: ‘that’s offensive’”

P: “No, remember, she would say ‘I’m sorry, that’s-”

L: “Do / her”

P: “I’m sorry, but that’s offensive”

L: “That’s what she sounded like”

P: “I don’t know about that”

L: “She was in love with Sandy”

P: “She was always offended but she was also always flirting with everyone”

L: “She would talk about how she was unhappy in her marriage. She would say it point blank. We’d all get here in the morning and she’d say: I’m thinking of leaving my husband. / Just like that”

P: “this woman is crazy but we’re just gonna put up with it and not say anything”

L: “AND THEN”

P: “don’t go ratting on me to HR. If you have a problem. Come talk to me”

L: “Yeah”

P: “I’m a nice guy. I can take it. Just don’t rat me out”

L: pause “AND THEN”

P: “huge damper on the creative vibes in the / room-

L: “a huge damper”

P: “She disappeared. She never came back ""What?” “That’s so horrible.”

L: “She evaporated”

P: “She was batshit crazy and then she just took off”

L: “Also remember how she was obsessed with Bora Bora?”

P: “I had dinner plans”

L:” It’s not a big deal. Once on Heathens we were here until three in the morning”

P: “Anybody want a probiotic?”

L: “Sure”

P: “Morning everyone!”

L: “Morning”

P: “What do you mean by that”

L: “Sometimes certain stories I mean Sandy’s a genius but sometimes not all his stories work out”

P: “But what does that mean”

L: “Sometimes they get cancelled. Or sometimes he pulls the plug on / them”

P: “Pulls the plug?”

L: “”Sometimes he realises the idea isn’t right or the room isn’t right and he pulls the plug”

P: “Where you in a room that the - where the plug got puled?”

L: Shakes head “But the room before my first room with him was brutal. I shouldn’t be talking about this. Almost everyone was fired. And then he pulled the plug. to brian You were the Sarah to that room, right?”

P: “What happens if you’re not fired but he pulls the plug?”

L: “You go home”

P: “You still get paid?”

L: “You go home and you and still get paid”

P: stands in the doorway wearing sunglasses “hey”

L: “Hey”

P: “I’ve only got a few minutes but / I wanted to stop and-”

L: “Oh no, is everything okay?”

P: “Yeah everything’s fine Rachels’ doing a little better but things are pretty crazy so I gotta head home in a few / minutes”

L: “Please send her our love”

P: “I don’t believe in filling my bathtub”

L: “What does that mean?”

P: “Is Sarah still here?”

L: “SARAH?”

P: “I’ll stay as long as you guys stay! / That’s my job”

L:”Go home and be safe!”

P: “We can all order dinner. I called Huey’s and they’re doing deliveries until nine”

L: “Great. Thanks”

P: “Rebirth is about deciding to change and become a better person”

L: “There are thirty-six types of stories in the world.Supplication, Crime by Vengeance, Pursuit, Disaster, Abduction, Murderous Adultery, Vengeance for Kin Upon Kin, Fatal Imprudence, Madness, Self-Sacrifice for Ideals, Self-Sacrifice for kin, All sacrificed for passion, Obstacles to Love, Conflict with a God, Mistaken Jealousy, Erroneous Judgement, Loss of a Loved one, Recovery of Loved Ones...Was that thirty-six?”

P: “That was like Nineteen”

L: “...Rivalry of Superior Versus Inferior, Ambition, An Enemy Loved. And Murderous Adultery.”