Interpersonal Final

what is the basic human need typically fulfilled via interpersonal relationships?

The need to belong. Often hypothesized to have evolutionary significance

Be familiar with the research on hand holding and threat (Coan, et al., 2006), as well as the Coyne, et al., 2001 study examining quality of marital relationships and mortality rates

Coan: Hand holding reduces the brain's alarm in response to threatening situations.

Coyne: The figure showed those who had cancer over the course of 4 years. The more happy a couple was, the longer the patient lived and vice versa

What is interdependence?

Mutual dependence between things. Our behavior affects us and our partner

Mutuality

Mutual character, quality, or activity

-"We" not "I"

How has our culture changed in the last 30 years in ways that would be significant for interpersonal relationships?

The sex ratio has changed in the last 30 years as well as communication, technology (women can control their fertility and when to get pregnant) and education and financial resources allow people to be more independent so women are less likely to marry now. We are more disconnected to the people we are physically with and connected with the people online

Be familiar with the Guttentag and Secord theory regarding sex ratios. With regard to sex ratios, when are societies typically more conservative?

When the sex ratio is high, societies are more conservative and more traditional. This can be for sexually conservative as well.

With regard to individual differences, how big are typical gender differences noted in relationship science?

Large sex difference = .8

Medium sex difference = .5

Small sex difference = .2

In general, are men and women more the same or different?

they are more of the same

How do traditional couples typically differ from non-traditional (i.e, androgynous) couples? What about with regard to the construct of expressiveness?

Traditional couples are very different from each other since they technically do not have anything in common and have more distinct traits.

Androgynous couple possess a little bit of both instrumental and expressive traits making it easier to connect and find more things in common.

What are instrumental traits and expressive traits?

Instrumental Traits:

-Task oriented traits/talents

-Traditional masculinity

Expressive Traits:

-Emotional and social traits/talents

-Traditional femininity

According to Metts and Cupach, (1990), what are the consequences of stereotypic beliefs about men and women’s degree of similarity?

It harmful because the couple will try less to fix their relationship

-More pessimistic and feel hopeless towards their relationship

-Hard for the other person to understand the other's point of view

-Prevent collaborative problem solving

*what are the big 5

1. Neuroticism = personality of being emotional

2. Agreeableness = reflects much individuals adjust their behavior to suit others

3. Conscientiousness = personality trait of being honest and hardworking

4. Extroversion = personality trait of seeking fulfillment from sources outside the self or in community

5. Openness to Experience = personality trait of seeking new experience and intellectual pursuits

Which one seems to have little to do with relationship success or satisfaction?

Little correlation to relationship satisfaction = extroversion

Most correlated to relationship satisfaction = conscientiousness

*Be familiar with the 4 adult attachment styles described in class.

Low avoidance of intimacy + low fear of abandonment = secure

Low avoidance of intimacy + high fear of abandonment = preoccupied

Higher avoidance of intimacy + low fear of abandonment = dismissing

Higher avoidance of intimacy + high fear of abandonment = fearful

Is attachment style changeable?

Yes, it can be changeable like a preoccupied becoming secure when they are with another secure person and vice verse.

How do experts believe we acquire a particular attachment style?

Experts believe we acquire a particular attachment by our temperament (traits a child is born with) and parenting.

Know the longitudinal studies of attachment styles and their impact on later relationships.

1/3 over a course of 2 years

*Discuss evolutionary psychology as it relates to interpersonal relationships-what are its 3 assumptions?

1. Sexual selection has helped make us the species we are today

2. Men and women should differ from one another only to the extent that they historically faced different reproductive dilemmas

3. Cultural influences determine whether evolved patterns of behavior are adaptive and cultural changes occur faster than evolution does

What is natural selection?

Advantages that result in great success at reproduction, that you were able to pass on your genes

-Idea that many of our behaviors relate to this

what is parental investment

Women choosing their mates carefully, reproduced more successfully than women who were less thoughtful and deliberate in their choices of partners

what is parental uncertainty

Men suffer from not completely knowing if a child is theirs or not unless he knows their partner is faithful

KNOW the Awareness wheel. What are the 6 basic emotions?

Sensory Data -

-Internal (intuition)

-External

Thoughts (subjective + bias)

Feelings

-6 basic emotions

Wants

-SOS

Actions

-Past

-Present

-Future

How does proximity affect attraction? Convenience?

-Tend to like those near us

-More rewarding to have someone convenient

-Repeated contact can impact attraction

-Proximity accentuates our feelings

matching hypothesis

Idea that we end up with partners of our same attractiveness level

Example = If you're a number 6, most likely choose someone who are numbers 5-7

attractiveness leniency effect

More likely to give attractive people the benefit of the doubt

Examples =

-Sentences + acquittals for court are given less days

-Severity of diagnoses and days in psychiatric hospitals are less

contrast effect

Attractiveness can depend on what we are compared to

Example = After looking at supermodels, people give average people lower attractiveness scores

mate value

All the assets you offer in a relationship

Example =

-Men's mate value is assessed by their overall physical fitness

-Female mate value was determined by the measure of waist-to-hip ratio

stimulus value role theory

3 types of info about new partners that gradually unfold over time and impact long term relationships

-Initially attracted to stimulus (age, looks)

-Then values (religion, goals, career, and beliefs)

-Lastly, roles. Share the activities to build a working relationship

fatal attraction

When something about a new partner that is attractive gradually becomes one of the most irritating things about that partner

Example = You think it's cute that your partner is clumsy but it soon becomes expensive and annoying when they break something

What % of variability in overall adjustment is associated with physical attractiveness?

10% is associated with physical attractiveness

Be familiar with the Bernstein, et al., (1983) study of risking rejection.

College men had to choose to watch a movie with very attractive woman OR watch alone (comfortably)

-Researchers varied what was playing, either the same movie was playing in both cubicles, or 2 different movies were playing in both cubicles.

-When there was the same movie playing in both cubicles, 75% watched alone while 25% tried to squeeze in with the woman due to the fear of rejection but when they played 2 separate movies, the opposite occurred

Is playing hard to get typically a successful strategy?

No, but being selectively hard to get is: when you're difficult for everyone to catch BUT the person you're trying to attract

Which is more accurate, “opposites attract” or “birds of a feather flock together”?

"Birds of a feather flock together"!

Do most people know their partners as well as they think they do?

No, because they don't realize their partner is changing

How are looks and resources prioritized by men and women looking for mates?

Long term relationships:

-Men = importance to attractiveness and vitality > status+resources

-Women = character > looks

-Men will check first to make sure that a woman has at least average looks before seeking anything else.

-Women will check first if he at least have some money or prospects before anything else

Discuss the role of first impressions. Are we likely to change our first impressions?

No, we are not likely to change our first impressions of someone

*What is the primacy effect?

Information we gain early in a relationship carries more weight than information gained later

-It can influence the information we seek to gain or the information we pay attention to

what is confirmation bias

Pursue information that confirms or verifies our first impressions

-We ignore information that does not fit our preconceptions

-In romantic relationships: often focus on our partner's strengths and ignore weaknesses

what are positive illusions

A mix of realistic appraisal of our partner (faults are de-emphasized) AND a bit of glorification of our partner

-Associated with an increase in love, trust, and satisfaction

what is actor/observer bias

Assign different causes to our behaviors vs. another's behavior for the same situation

-Other's behavior caused by personal, dispositional factor, our behavior to a similar situation caused by situational factors

what is self-serving bias

- Take credit for the good things that happen to us

-Deny credit for the bad things

Do we tend to be over or under confident of our judgments?

-Overconfident

-The more we know people, this overconfidence becomes worse

*Discuss controllable/uncontrollable, internal/external and stable/unstable attributions (pg. 113). What are distress maintaining and relationship enhancing attributions? Which are associated with happy and unhappy relationships?

What is the role of romanticism in relationship longevity. What relationships beliefs appear to be dysfunctional? At what stages of a relationship are beliefs important?

What are destiny beliefs? Which type of beliefs are associated with being more committed to a relationship and engaging in repair of relationships?

Destiny beliefs

-If you find your one true love you are "destined" to live happily ever after

Growth belief

-Happy relationships require work

-With enough effort on both people's part, most relationships can improve and foster

-Good relationships typically develop gradually

How do preoccupied and securely attached compare in terms of perceiving their
partners?

Are facial expressions thought to be universal/hardwired or culturally determined?

Facial expressions are universally understood and thought to be hardwired into our species.
- people who were born blind display the same facial
expressions as the rest of the population.

How do dominant/less dominant people present their bodies?

high status people have open, asymmetric postures that take up more space.
low status people are more closed, symmetric and compact.

What is mimicry?

occurs during conversation when the participants adopt similar postures and mannerisms, comparible expressions and similar paralanguage

How does reciprocity of self disclosure change with intimacy?

reciprocity is really important in the early stages of relationships but as it becomes more intimate, people want responsiveness more, which indicates our partner understands, accepts and cares for us.

Do people generally prefer disclosure to be reciprocal?

yes

social pentration theory

relationships begin with superficial info ("small talk") and gradually moves to more meaningful revelations

Once you are in an established relationship, how important is reciprocal self disclosure?

not as important- we value responsiveness at this point.

Is Nonverbal Communication less accurate than verbal communication?

Nonverbal comm. is more accurate than verbal. also, more powerful.

Are complaining and conflict detrimental to relationships?

No, complaining and having conflict are not necessarily detrimental to a relationship; its how those disagreements are conducted that can lead to detriment.

What is kitchen sinking?

when a complaint isn't precise and several topics get addressed all at once

What are the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse?

1: Criticism: attacks personality/characteristics instead of the specific behavior- not specific, involves blaming.

2: Contempt: insult, mockery, sarcasm. eye rolling, snearing.

3: Defensiveness: common response to contempt- a way of protection by hurling back counter attacks.

4: Stonewalling: partner shuts down and refuses to speak.

Who is more likely to stonewall, men or women?

men

How long should you take a break during a conflict to decrease emotional flooding?

20 mintues

what is validation

acknowledges the legitimacy of opinions and communicates respect for others position.

8 ways suggested to avoid miscommunitcation

1. love maps- know your lovers psych world.

2. praise and admiration

3. calm down.

4. turn towards, not away

5. accept influence and soften start up.

6. manage non-relationship stress

7. support each others dreams

8. keeping trying at repair attempts

What % of couples report “perpetual issues”?

96%

Who is more likely to bring up an issue, men or women?

women

what is an interpersonal gap

A discrepancy between what the sender intends to say and what the listener thinks they hear.
-senders intentions and receivers interpretation don't match.

social exchange or interdependence theory

We all seek interactions that provide maximum rewards and minimal costs and we stay only with those partners who provide sufficient profit-- both partners must be profiting

CL

comparison level; their level of satisfaction

CLalt

Comparison level alternative (What is available out there)

Which is seen as a measure of commitment? Satisfaction?

• Perceived alternatives available

• CL and CL Alt combine to predict the type of relationship people have

Cl increases over time and you become dissatisfied wanting more and more

Cl increases over time and you become dissatisfied wanting more and more

Are CL and CL Alt influenced by culture?

Cultural changed have increased CLalt

Poor CLalt and low CL

Dissatisfied and stable

Good CLalt and low CL

Satisfied and unstable

Poor CLalt and high CL

Dissatisfied and stable

Good CLalt and high CL

Satisfied and stable

*self expansion model

We are attracted to partnerships that expand the range of our interests, skills and experiences.

Why might self expansion be important in interpersonal relationships?

Novel activities, the development of new talents and acquisitions of new perspectives are all though to be inherently gratifying

Why is politeness important in intimate relationships?

Irritating or moody behavior from a spouse puts a marriage at risk.

Which is supported by the research: “bad is stronger than good” or “good is stronger than
bad”?

Good is stronger than bad

What is the magic ratio of rewards to costs observed in happy couples by Gottman? What is the ratio for unhappy couples?

5:1,

What is the ratio for unhappy couples?

0.8:1

Which attachment styles are likely to miss positive things their spouses do for them?

Dismissing or Fearful

what typically happens to relational satisfaction over time?

Decrease during the first years of marriage

What are the reasons scientists hypothesize to relational satisfaction over time?