Steel Magnolias - "Love Show"

(Enter Shelby. Her hair is in rollers. She carries a picture torn out of a magazine. She is a blushing bride in the first stages of completion.)

Hi, everybody!

TRUVY: There she is! There’s my girl! Come break my neck.

Truvy. It’s so good to see you! Morning, Miss Clairee! It’s not that I’m unfriendly, I’m just worried about my nails.

TRUVY: What a pretty color. Where’s your mama?

Right behind me, I thought. (Annelle enters with fresh coffee) Hi! I’m Shelby Eatonton… soon to be Latcherie.

TRUVY: Today’s Annelle’s first day.

Well, Annelle. You’re working with the best. Anyone who’s anybody gets their hair done at Truvy’s.

TRUVY: Absolutely. (A loud series of gunshots.)

Shelby...uh you know I would walk on my lips to avoid criticizing anyone but your father is about to make us all pull our hair out. And that is bad for my business.

You’re not the only one concerned. Mama’s about to have a fit. She and Daddy are fighting like cats and dogs.

CLAIREE: They’re just anxious with so much going on.

No they’re not. They just try to create as much tension as possible in any given situation. It’s a creed they live by. Jackson and I will never fight about silly things.
(M’Lynn enters)
…Annelle, this is my mama.
How are things at the house?

TRUVY: (changing the topic before Shelby can answer) So, Shelby...your mother doesn’t tell us much about Jackson. What’s he like?

Truthfully, I thought he was a pest at first, but then he kind of grew on me. And now I love him.

TRUVY: Is he a real romantic.

No. But he gives me flowers. And little presents if I bug him enough. He has promised to give me a red rose on every anniversary corresponding to the number of that anniversary. I think that’s so sweet.

TRUVY: Well, now. That’s a pretty romantic idea, isn’t it?

Yes. I wish it had been his.

CLAIREE: Lloyd and I missed it to fifty years by three months. That stinker. Bless his heart. He tried. He just couldn’t make it.

You remember your wedding day, Clairee?

TRUVY: Tell us things about the wedding. How many bridesmaids?

Nine.

TRUVY: Good Lord

Exactly. It will be pretentious. Daddy always says “an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure.”

TRUVY: Must run in the family, Shelby. You have such pretty hair...so thick... (Shelby’s head is beginning to drop forward. She resists Truvy’s touch) Hold your head up, darling.

Stop it.

M’LYNN: Shelby? You need some juice. (tries to get Shelby to drink)

Leave me alone.

TRUVY: Drink the juice, honey.

(pushing away the juice) No! Mama. Stop it. I have candy in my purse.

M’LYNN: You didn’t bring your purse, honey. Here. Have another sip.

No... (but Shelby drinks a sip)

M’LYNN: She’s got a little too much insulin, that’s all. She’ll be fine if we can get something in her. Drink some more, Shelby.

I’m going to leave if you don’t leave me alone.

M’LYNN: There we go. That’s a start. She’s been so upset lately. She and Jackson have been going round and round. Dr. Mischoud told her at her last appointment that children are not possible. It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to sit there and watch your child’s heart break.

(coming to a bit) Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.

M’LYNN: I know. She feels that Jackson might be throwing away his chance for children. He seems to be taking it alright because he’s crazy about here, but Shelby’s the one that’s pushing the issue.

(interrupting, but still not lucid) He said, “Shut up. Don’t be stupid. There’s plenty of kids out there that need good homes. We’ll adopt ten of ‘em. We’ll buy ‘em if we have to.”

CLAIREE: Jackson sounds like good people to me.

I knew right then and there that if he was dumb enough to spend the rest of his life with me, then I’m dumb enough to marry him. (Shelby is recovering. She realizes what has happened and is embarrassed) Oh gosh… oh gosh… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Mama. (M’Lynn hugs Shelby.)
Mama, I know all about adoption. I also know the limitations of this body of mine. I would never do anything stupid.

OUSIER: He’s a real gentleman. I’ll bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it.

Miss Ousier, Daddy’s not trying to drive you crazy. He’s just trying to make my reception nice. His heart is in the right place.

OUSIER: But he cannot do this to my dog! My dog is on his last legs.

I know for a fact there will be no more gunshots. So why don’t you relax, Miss Ousier? Have some coffee.

TRUVY: Ousier! Call your dog! He’ll listen to you!

Miss Ousier! Please! It’s my wedding day. Say something to your dog!