love and human mating

attachment definition

• emotional bond between a child and a caregiver

• how babies form strong emotional connections

secure attachment

• Trusts others, comfortable with closeness

• Healthy, trusting relationships

anxious (preoccupied)

• Craves closeness, fears abandonment

• Clingy, needy, jealous

dismissive-avoidant

• Values independence, avoids closeness

• Distant, emotionally unavailable

fearful-avoidant

• Fear of intimacy, mistrusts others

• Conflicted: wants closeness but fears it

disorganized

• No clear pattern; mixture of avoidance and anxiety

• Chaotic or abusive relationships

development of attachment

• Babies form bonds through body contact (touch, snuggles) and familiarity (seeing the same caregiver repeatedly).

• Secure base: The caregiver acts like a “home base” that the baby can explore from

Experiments:

• Harlow’s Monkeys: Baby monkeys chose soft, cuddly fake mothers over hard wire ones with food. This showed comfort matters more than just feeding.

• Strange Situation (Ainsworth): Babies were observed during separations and reunions with mothers to determine attachment style.

Erik Erikson: Said early attachment forms “basic trust”

— belief that the world issafe and predictable.

biological perspective

Mating Preferences:

Women prefer mates who can provide (resources, protection, parenting).

Men prefer mates who show youth and fertility (beauty, health)

critique: Culture also shapes mate preferences.

Social learning teaches gender roles, not just biology.

psychological and social factors

Cultural Ideals: Different societies value different traits.

Modern Changes: Internet dating has changed how people meet.

Commitment Matters: Long-term bonds are stronger when couples marry later and

share similar values

forms of adult love

Intimacy (emotional closeness)

Attachment (needing someone for safety and comfort)

Commitment (intention to maintain a relationship)

Good relationships are marked by:

Shared values and interests

Emotional and material support

Self-disclosure (sharing personal feelings)