Significant Other

Go back to your party, Laura. Ok? I’ll talk to you soon.

Go back to your party, Laura. Ok? I’ll talk to you soon.

Fuck you

Excuse me?

This is my bachelorette party. For my wedding. Me, Jordan. It’s not any of our other— it’s me. And… you have been completely unenthused.

I’m sorry. Allow me to try and enthuse a little more.

It feels like you’re sleepwalking through all these events, and it’s like, you’re my best friend, I really count on you to—

Laura. Don’t go there.

Don’t go where?

Don’t call me your best friend, ok? Just—dont call me that

But you are—

Why aren’t I a bridesmaid?

What?

If i’m so important, why am I not standing up there next to you?

My sisters are bridesmaids.

And your cousin

Because I wanted to do something nice for her, she doesn’t have any sisters—

If I was a woman, I’d be one of your bridesmaids. Thats a fact. I feel like I don’t know you.

Because I’m having a wedding?

Kind of. Yeah. I mean, why are you having this wedding?

Because thats what people do!

When did you become someone who does things because “that’s what people do”?

I am having a wedding because I want to bring my world together with his for a night and stand—

A weekend, not a night, a weekend—

And stand in front—

The third of three weekends—

AND STAND in front of all the people who matter to us and have them see that we’re an us, and then celebrate that with a big party. And, except for you, everyone else I know gets that and is actually, believe it or not, HAPPY for me. You're the only one who doesn’t seem to get it.

I’m the only one?

Yeah, Jordan. You’re the only one. The one person I thought was my greatest ally, my biggest cheerleader, my partner, he’s the one who’s gonna be like this. And he’s going to come to my bachelorette party and throw himself a little pitty party for himself in the middle of—

A pity party?

Because, what, he’s not a bridesmaid? Seriously? I try to be compassionate, I really do, but you really test the limits.

I test the limits? You test the fucking limits Laura.

Uh huh. Yeah. You want to expand on that?

With pleasure. Let’s start with tonight. The Bachelorette party. Which comes on the heels of the bridal shower, were we had to buy you pots and pans and cuisinarts and all this shit for a kitchen YOU WILL NEVER USE because YOU DONT COOK. I guess the “budget” you’re supposedly on doesn’t apply to your friends. I’m basically spending like $2500, which I don’t really have right now, for something I don’t even believe in and neither do you.

I don’t want you to come to my wedding, Jordan.

Great because I don’t want to go to it.

End scene