Mizzou HDFS 1610: Intimate Relationships and Marriage Online Class Final Exam

cohabitation effect

the idea that couples whom cohabit before marriage are at a greater risk of divorce than couples who do not live together before marrying

selection hypothesis

there are differences between people who cohabit and those who do not, and that those differences are responsible for the increased incidence of divorce among cohabitors; (cohabitors differ from noncohabitors in terms of traditional values, attitudes toward marriage, religiosity, income, and education)

experience hypothesis

suggests that the experience of cohabitation itself corrodes couples' attitudes toward marriage, causing them to have weaker commitments in marriage

inertia hypothesis

This concept operates on two ideas:

Cohabitation increases a couple's constraints against breaking up.

Couples who otherwise would not marry do because the constraints against breaking up are too strong.

(Ex. finding a new place to live, finances, etc.)

[this is the most contemporary theory in cohabitation research right now]

"shacking up"

when couples who do not live with each other stayovernight together for 3 to 7 nights per week, but it is technically not count as cohabitation

relation evaluation

when we pay attention to whether others seem to value their relationship with us

relational devaluation

apparent decreases in others' regard for us; when your partner turns against you

ostracism

rejection or rebuffing with an intimate relationship ("cold shoulder")

suspicious jealousy

when one's partner HASN'T misbehaved and one's suspicions do not fit the facts at hand; usually absent of any provocation (imagined)

reactive jealousy

when people respond to actual threats or events; a real rival exists (real)

jealousy is high when...

- a person is dependent on the relationship (low comparison level for alternatives).

-a person feels inadequate to satisfy his partner's needs and desires.

-mate value is lower.

-a person has a preoccupied or fearful attachment style.

-neuroticism is high.

-a person values sexual exclusivity.

-traditional gender roles are present.

mate poaching

people try to generate a relationship or sexual encounter with someone they know to be partnered or married

emotional infidelity

building closeness and intimacy with a rival to the relationship

self-bostering

when you feel like you are a good competition for anyone else who might come along

white lies

lies that are meant to protect someone's feelings or dignity

bold-faced lies

blatant misrepresentations of reality

deception

intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue; all the types of lies fall under deception

deceiver's distrust

when lying in close relationships undermines the liar's trust in the partner who receives the lie

betrayal

when our partners occasionally do harmful things that violate the expectations we hold for close confidants

forgivness

a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you; (discard desire to retaliate)

interpersonal conflict

occurs whenever one person's motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with, or are incompatible with, those of another

dialetics

opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other

(Ex. autonomy vs. connection, openness vs. closedness, stability vs change, & integration vs separation)

autonomy vs. connection (type of dialectic)

the desire to be independent versus the need and desire for connections and interdependence with others.

openness vs. closedness (type of dialectic)

intimate partners share their thoughts and feelings with one another versus the need to keep some information private

stability vs change (type of dialectic)

our requirement for some level of consistency while also valuing the excitement of change

integration vs separation (type of dialectic)

the degree to which a couple wishes to spend time with others (friends and family) and time alone with one another.

What are some events that instigate conflict?

-criticism

-illegitimate demands

-rebuffs

-cumulative annoyances

criticism (conflict instigator)

verbal or nonverbal acts that are judged to communicate dissatisfaction with a partner's behavior, attitude, or trait

illegitimate demands (conflict instigator)

requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other

rebuffs (conflict instigator)

situations in which "one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected"

(Ex. When you get swatted by your partner after an implicit invitation to get a nut, you are likely to feel rebuffed)

cumulative annoyances (conflict instigator)

relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

(Ex. Sam gets annoyed when Jon continuously refuses to get undressed and lay in bed with him)

attributional conflict

when partners fight over whose point of views are right and whose are wrong

volatiles (type of couples)

when people fight loudly and often but also make up passionately. these couples maintain a sense of humor and respect despite their quarrels

avoiders (type of couples)

tend not to address issues that come up between them, this means they do not argue often and they try to fix problems on their own

validators (type of couples)

work together to find a solution to the problem, they do so with calm, polite exchanges in which they emphasize listening and mutual respect

hostiles (type of couples)

engage in contemptuous, hateful exchanges and fail to use effective communication strategies, arguments involve personal attacks and conflicts are rarely resolved.

four responses to conflict...

-voice: active and constructive

-loyalty: passive and constructive

-exit: active and destructive

-neglect: passive and destructive

negative affect reciprocity

when partners trade escalating provocations back and forth (routinely exhibited by distressed and dissatisfied couples)

ways to end conflict...

-separation

-domination

-compromise

-integrative agreements

-structural improvement

separation (a conflict resolution)

when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

domination (a conflict resolution)

when one partner gets his or her way when the other "surrenders"

compromise (a conflict resolution)

when both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be found

integrative agreements (a conflict resolution)

when both partners original goals and aspirations are satisfied

structural improvement (a conflict resolution)

when the partners not only get what they want but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship

speaker-listener technique

a structure for clam, clear communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listening skills and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement

"social" power

the ability to influence the behavior of others and to resist their influence on us

4 principles for power

1) power is based on control of valuable resources-control of access to resources, not only possession

Ex: " i have the affection you want and need"

2) you can derive power from having a resource only if other people want it. The more valuable the resource, the more power it gives you.

Ex: "if you had two extra tickets to the Super Bowl"

3) known as the "principle of lesser interest", the person who has less interest in the relationship has more power

Ex: someone who is considering breaking up with his or her partner may make higher demands of the relationship

4) if something we want is readily available elsewhere, we don't have to rely on one person to get it. This relates to the concept of comparison level for alternatives. Where if you can get love, affection, and companionship elsewhere, you don't rely on your partner for it.

Ex: Men may have more power in relationships with traditional gender roles simply because they have greater access to alternatives (except for Grünzguagos..zammmn)

principle of lesser interest

in any partnership, the person who has less interest in continuing and maintaining the relationship has more power in that partnership

fate control

when one can control a partner's outcomes no matter what the partner does

behavior control

this occurs when, by changing one's own behavior, one encourages a partner to alter his or her actions in a desirable direction

reward power

"if you do what I want, I will give you that real pipe"

coercive power

"if you don't do what I want, I will punish you by doing..."

legitimate power

" I have a reasonable right to tell you what to do, and you feel compelled to do it" (they recognize your authority to tell them what to do)

referent power

"you love me, so you will do what i ask for you"

expert power

"i know more than you do about this, so you will do what I ask of you"

informational power

"i have info that you need or want, so you will do what I ask of you" (Ex. if someone has a Brazzers account and you dont)

situational couple violence (SCV)

this occurs when both partners are angry and are tied to specific arguments, so it is only occasional and is usually mild

intimate terrorism (IT)

when one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other; "blackmailing"

violent resistance

when a partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism

mate-guarding

when we work to regulate and control our partners' access to potential rivals, and vice versa

relationship between cohabitation and divorce

-cohabitation is directly associated with the probability of divorce

-shorter cohabitation before marriage leads to a less likely chance of divorce

-causal cohabitation weakens commitments to marriage

relationship between housework and martial satisfaction

-both partners have above average happiness levels when the housework is split 50-50

enduring dynamics (reason for a poor marriage)

this approach suggests that spouses who are destined to be discontent begin their marriages being less in love and more at odds with each other than are those whose marriages ultimately succeed

(Ex. A 18 year old kid knocks some chick up and then has to marry her because of the kid)

emergent distress (reason for a poor marriage)

this approach suggests that the problematic behavior that ultimately destroys a couple begins after they marry

disillusionment (reason for a poor marriage)

this approach suggests that couples typically begin their marriages with rosy, romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically possible

parental loss

this is viewed as children with married parents are presumed to benefit from having two parents who are devoted to their care, and children who lose a parent for any reason, including divorce, are likely to be less well off

parental stress

this model holds that the quality, not the quantity, of the parenting a child receives is key, and any stressor (including divorce) that distracts or debilitates one's parents can have detrimental effects

economic hardship

this major stressor may be the impoverished circumstances that sometimes follow divorce

(Ex. less money towards their children's college funds)

parental conflict

the most potent stress influencer for children, whether their parents are divorced or not; bitter confrontations between parents are associated with anxiety, poorer health (probs why Sam don't have a real mans body), and more problematic behavior in children