scene 6 + 6a: apex predator

They tell us to be ourselves. They tell us looks don’t matter. And then they literally have a school contest every year where we give Regina a crown. This is why I have to be high everyday.

Cady, come here. I’m gonna buy you those suede heels ‘cause you need more.

More what?

More shoes, more height, more style, more butt lift–trust me, more is better.

Wow. Your room is really nice.

I know, right? It was my parents’ room, but I made them trade me. Gretchen, move.

Sorry! Ugh, my hips are so wide.

I need to lose three pounds.

Did you fly bitches come in through the garage? I didn’t even hear you.

Maybe that was on purpose.

Well, who are you?! We haven’t had new meet in our little lady taco in so long!

Mom.

Well it’s just a matter of time. I always say, this school district has the highest taxes but the hottest boys, so…

Ew.

Oh, Regina! You’ll never guess what I found in the back of your closet!

Why were you in my closet?

I was doing that japanese organizing thing where you take a little nap in a closet. Anyway I found your–

Buuurn book! Cady, this was the funniest thing they used to do–

Mommy, get out.

Hashtag belly tea. Hashtag ad.

Mom! You don’t get to say hashtag ad if no one’s paying you!

Oh that reminds me, Ri-gi, I need your tech help. I think I accidentally Marco-polo’ed your dad’s boss from the toilet again.

Oout!

“Trang Pak is a grotsky little beyotch.”

Still true.

“Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.”

Still half true.

“Janis Sarkisian. Space-lez.” I forgot about that.

Oh my God, she’s so weird.

She is? She’s in my homeroom.

Well watch out cause she’s mental. People think she’s really good at art but it’s cause she had to do “art therapy.”

Regina and Janis were best friends in middle school.

She was like, obsessed with me. Then when I couldn’t invite her to my 13th birthday ‘cause my mom said I could only have six people, she went insane.

I didn’t mean that in a bad way–

No. That’s funny. Put that in there.

Cady, don’t worry. We only write stuff about randos in here. Friends are like, very deserving of respect and–

–Gretchen, she gets it. Karen, come with me. I wanna change your eyebrows.

That’s good of you.

(laugh)