URSULA Lines

Jetsam: Declaring a national holiday—

Holiday, my blow hole! It's the day my brother Triton got greedy, that's all! The day he stole my half of the Kingdom!

Flotsam: In the shadowy depths of a serpentine sea—

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! Don't blow your fuses, boys— (Grabs the eels by their electric tails and touches them together like two hot wires) It should've been mine...... ALL mine......

Singing: ...Plus to ease his guilt, a magic shell.

Used to belong to my Papa, Poseidon— full of lethal hexes and spells, my little snakes— (a menacing purr) The perfect gift for a spurned, dangerously unstable child.

Singing: He grew into You-Know-Who!

(Spitting out his name) Triton! A male heir! As soon as he came of age, he stole everything from me; every ocean, every lake, every pond, every puddle. So, my dear Flotsam and Jetsam, it's time I took revenge— revenge on what he loves most!

Jetsam: Now, now.... mustn't get cold fins....

Don't be shy, Ariel darling! It's me— your Aunt Ursula!

Ariel: I shouldn't be here—

Nonsense! We're family.

Ariel: Father says you're wicked and hateful—

Mmmm, yes! But he says the same thing of humans, doesn't he, snookums? And we both know that's not true, don't we?

Ariel: Why did he banish you?

The ocean wasn't big enough for the both of us. (a beat, and then pointedly) And now he's driven you away too...

Ariel: He doesn't understand me.

Oh, but I do, dumpling. We're so very alike, you and I— gals with ambition! (With a conspiratorial wink) Nothing scares a man more, does it? (Draws Ariel in closer) Now tell dear old Auntie everything.

Ariel: I'm in love with someone. A human.

Mmmm....yes— this prince fellow. He's quite a catch! The answer is simple! You've got to become human yourself!

Ariel: Can you help me?

Help you? My dear, sweet child— it's what I live for: to help unfortunate merfolk like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to...

Singing: Yes, I've had the odd complaint, But on the whole I've been a saint, to those poor unfortunate souls.

Here's my best offer, babykins. I know a spell that will turn you into a human for three days. Now it's got a small procedural clause, sort of a "squid pro quo." Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear ol' princey to kiss you. If you do, you'll stay human forever.

Ariel: And if I don't?

Nothing drastic darling, I'm sure......Oh, look— small print. "Your soul is mine forever, and you're doomed to spend eternity in my watery, hell-soaked lair." Lawyers! Don't you just love 'em? Of course, there is one more thing....my fee.

Ariel: But I don't have anything!

I'm not asking for much. Only....your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

Don't worry. I have a perfect place for it. Your grandpappy Poseidon gave his magic trident to your father....but this was his gift pour moi.

Ariel: Your magic shell!

(slightly nervous) You've heard about it?

Ariel: Father says it's the source of all your witchcraft!

Nonsense, darling!

Ariel: He says you'd die without it—

Die? Oh, please! It's a bauble! A vessel for your voice! Trust me, darling— your vibrato, your legato, even your belt— they'll all be safe'n'sound in here.

Ariel: If I give away my voice, how can I ever—

You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the power... of body language!

Singing: The boss is on a roll! You Poor Unfortunate Soul! (thunderous applause)

So, how's about it, cupcake?

Ariel: If I become human, will I ever see my family again? My sisters....even my father—

Now do you want princey-poo or not? Five, four, three, two—

Ariel: Yes! Yes, I'll do it! Where do I sign?

Not just any ink, darling. (raises a tentacle) Use mine.

Singing: Beluga, Sevruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea! Larynxes, Glacydis, Ad Marx Laryngitis, La Voce to me!

Now sing! Sing your voice over to me!

Ariel: AH...AH...AH...AH...

Sing and keep singing!

Ariel: AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-

(Traps her voice in the shell) Now, swim, swim, swim for your life, human child! Ahahahahahahah!!!!

Sebastian: Now come, child, off to bed with you!

SCENE SEVEN: URSULA'S LAIR

That was too close for comfort, boys! One day, and they're already dining together?

Flotsam: Then dancing, cheek to cheek!

I should've known! There's only one thing more potent than my black magic.

Jetsam: The power of true love?

Teenage hormones!

Ursula: Teenage hormones!

DADDY'S LITTLE ANGEL (REPRISE)

Seems the little tart is off to quite a start—

Just one night and princey-poo is wallowing in bliss!

Think what they will do by sunset number two—

Flotsam and Jetsam: What?

IDIOTS! Go up and block that kiss!

Flotsam and Jetsam: Yes, Your Wretchedness!

In the meanwhile, her poor proud pappy—

Bet he's wond'ring where his baby's been.

Flotsam: Worried sick...

Jetsam: So upset...

Not happy. Soon he'll guess, then oh yes, all the fun'll begin!

Daddy and his angel! How they're gonna hurt, When our plan is in full flow!

Once that kiss goes amiss, then the girl will be mine!

Once she's had, then her dad will be caught on my line!

Then a spell from the shell and up to heaven he'll go!

Grimsby: Oh, dear. This is most unexpected!

AH-AH-AH-AH, AH-AH-AH-AH......

Prince Eric: Tell her the competition is over. Tell her it's too late! (Ariel beams at Prince Eric with gratitude. He leans in to kiss her.)

AH-AH-AH-AH, AH-AH-AH-AH! Why look! Such a gorgeous sunset! And on the third day too! Time's up. You lose!

Prince Eric: Ariel!

I'm dragging you down, down, down into the depths where you belong!

Say goodbye to your Prince! Your pretty dress! Your satin pumps! You're mine now, mermaid!

King Triton: Ursula!

Brother darling! You're right on cue!

King Triton: What have you done to my daughter?

Nothing! She's done it all to herself, trading her voice away. And for what? Human heartbreak!

King Triton: Give her back to me.

Not on your life!

It so happens that your daughter signed a contract.

King Triton: No!

Even drew a little heart above the I. Is it binding? Goodness, yes! Unbreakable, unless...

King Triton: Unless?

There is a little somethin' we could try.

King Triton: Go on.

Yes...

Perhaps we could arrange a sort of trade-off. Maybe swap your daughter's soul for say, your own?

King Triton: What?

Sign the scroll and set her free! Or else she comes with me. To suffer through eternity alone......

The mute little hatchling, drowning in her own sorrow, with no voice left to cry out your name....Well? I'm waiting.

King Triton: It's not my soul you're after— it's my power.

Which would you rather be: The King of the Sea, or a father to his little girl?

King Triton: Ariel!

(Snatches the trident away from her brother) Finally! The oceans belong to me!

And now you poor unfortunate soul!

Time's up! You're through!

Now the power of Poseidon has been once again made whole. All the magic of the trident and the shell in my control! And now dark shall reign forever, over ocean, sea, and shoal!

Now see for yourself how banishment feels!

You poor, unfortunate soul!

Flotsam: Egads, look out!

Jetsam: She's got the shell!

Ariel: AH-AH-AH-AH, AH-AH-AH-AH!

Well......look who has my black magic now!

Ariel: My voice.... The spell is broken!

Give me back my shell.

Ariel: If it breaks, you die—

You believe that? After all the lies he's told you?

King Triton: Lies? What lies?

You told her the world above was hideous, and what was it instead?

Ariel: Beautiful. Beautiful beyond compare.

He'd say anything to turn you against the Prince and his kind. Why, he's shameless! He'd even say that they murdered your mother—

King Triton: It was you, wasn't it? All these years, I've been blaming them, and it was you—

Who? Moi? Why, I couldn't hurt a minnow!

Ariel: Liar!

Iconic Scream.