Interpersonal Communication, Self-Discrepancy, Conflict, and Relationship Strategies

Interpersonal Communication

The process of creating meaning through verbal & nonverbal messages; dynamic, transactional, irreversible, and intentional/unintentional.

Self-Discrepancy Theory

Self-esteem is based on the gap between your ideal, ought, and actual selves. Smaller gaps → higher self-esteem; larger gaps → lower self-esteem.

Spillover Hypothesis

Emotions and stress from one situation or relationship spill into others (ex: work stress affecting home behavior).

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

A prediction that comes true because you behave in ways that make it happen.

Interpersonal Process Model of Intimacy

Intimacy grows when one person self-discloses, the partner responds supportively, and the discloser feels understood and validated.

Conflict

: A struggle between goals/values/behaviors; inevitable and can be destructive or constructive depending on management.

Emotional Contagion

The automatic spread of emotions from one person to another ("catching" another's feelings).

Jefferson Strategy

Counting slowly (like to 10) before responding to anger; helps regulate emotions and prevent reactive responses.

Looking-Glass Self

We form our self-concept based on how we think others see us; others' reactions shape identity.

Reduce self-discrepancies, practice self-compassion, set realistic goals, and build supportive relationships.

How can we increase our self-esteem to be better communicators?

Biological differences are small; society/socialization teaches men to suppress emotions and women to express/support them.

Does gender impact emotion? How does society impact this?

Receiving, attending, understanding, responding, recalling.

What are the steps of the listening process?

People-oriented, action-oriented, content-oriented, and time-oriented listeners.

What are the main types of listening styles?

Avoid multitasking, give feedback, paraphrase, ask questions, and stay mentally present.

How can we improve listening in relationships?

Avoiding (+no escalation, -no resolution); Accommodating (+harmony, -needs ignored); Competing (+quick, -damaging); Compromising (+fair, -not ideal); Collaborating (+best solutions, -time-consuming).

Approaches to conflict & pros/cons

Conveys most emotional meaning; can reinforce or contradict words; shapes relational messages.

How does nonverbal communication impact messages?

Use when others are upset or stressed; show empathy, validate feelings, and avoid minimizing; aim for understanding, not fixing.

How and when should we use supportive communication?

Tensions in relationships (openness-protection, autonomy-connection, novelty-predictability) managed but never eliminated.

What are relational dialectics?

Positivity, assurances, sharing tasks, self-disclosure, relationship talks, and using social networks.

Relationship maintenance strategies

"I" → takes responsibility; "You" → blames/accuses; "We" → creates unity and collaboration.

Differences between "I," "You," and "We" language

Builds intimacy and trust; use gradual and reciprocal sharing; choose supportive partners; avoid over-disclosure.

How and why should we improve self-disclosure?