Individual difference in interpersonal relationships: From attraction to dissolution

What is Attraction?

Is influenced by many factors

Krueger and Caspi (1993) identified four key hypotheses:

• similarity hypothesis

• ideal partner hypothesis

• repulsion hypothesis

• optimal dissimilarity hypothesis

What is the similarity hypothesis?

• People are attached to those with similar personalities and attitudes.

• Similarity enhances mutual understanding and validation.

• Byrne (1971): Reciprocal liking strengthens attraction.

• Rushton (1989(: Genetic similarity may play a role.

What is ideal partner hypothesis?

• people seek partners who possess ideal traits (e.g., sociability, intelligence).

• attraction is higher when individuals match personal ideals.

• Buss and Barnes (1986): Ideal traits influence partner choice.

• Kenrick and Keefe (1992): gender differences in ideal preferences.

What is Repulsion hypothesis?

• Dissimilarity leads to active avoidance.

• Rosenbaum (1986): Dissimilar individuals are elminated first.

• Emphasises rejection of dissimilarity over selection of similarity

What is fatal attraction?

Concept (Felmlee, 1995):

• traits initially attractive may later cause relationship dissatisfaction.

Common Fatal Attractions:

• nice to passive: over-nicesness leads to frustration.

• strong to stubborn: independence becomes inflexibility

• Funny to Flaky: Humour turns into perceived immaturity.

Summary of attraction…

• Interpersonal attraction is multi-faceted, influenced by similarity, ideals, and aversion to dissimilarity.

• Fatal attraction underscores evolving perceptions in relationships.

What is understanding love styles: insights from Sternberg and Lee?

• Psychologists view love as multidimensional, shaped by personal and cultural experiences.

• Two influential theories: Sternberg’s Triangular Theory and Lee’s Colours of Love.

What is Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love

•Intimacy: Emotional closeness and connection.

•Passion: Romance and physical attraction.

•Commitment: Cognitive decision to maintain the relationship.

•These elements combine to form seven love styles.

What is Lee’s Love styles?

Love styles compared to primary and secondary colours.

Primary Love Styles:

1. Eros: Passionate, physical attraction, "love at first sight."

2. Ludus: Game-playing, non-committal relationships.

3. Storge: Friendship-based love, built on trust and respect.

What are secondary love styles?

Formed by mixing primary love styles:

1. Pragma (Storge + Ludus): Practical, logical love.

"Shopping list" approach to partners.

2. Mania (Eros + Ludus): Obsessive, jealous love.

Desperate for affection, lacks self-confidence.

3. Agape (Eros + Storge): Altruistic, selfless love.

Loving without expecting anything in return.

What are the primary love style?

Eros

• My partner and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.

• I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other.

Ludus

• I try to keep my partner a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her.

• I have sometimes had to keep my partner from finding out about other partners.

Storge

• I expect to always be friends with my partner.

• Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship.

What are the secondary love style?

Pragma

• I tried to plan my life carefully before choosing a partner.

• In choosing my partner, I believed it was best to love someone with a similar background.

Mania

• Sometimes I get so excited about being in love with my partner that I can’t sleep.

• When my partner doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.

Agape

• I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer.

• I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers.

What is the Investment model of relationship (Rusbult)?

What is the Rusbult’s EVLN Model?

Core Idea: Relationships end through a range of active or passive and constructive or destructive strategies.

Strategies:

• Exit: Active, destructive (e.g., ending the relationship, moving out, threatening divorce).

• Voice: Active, constructive (e.g., discussing problems, seeking solutions, therapy).

• Loyalty: Passive, constructive (e.g., waiting or hoping for improvement).

• Neglect: Passive, destructive (e.g., ignoring problems, spending less time together).

Theoretical Basis: Responses are shaped by satisfaction levels, investment in the relationship, and the quality of alternatives.

•Connection to the Investment Model: Higher satisfaction and investment promote constructive strategies (voice, loyalty), while high-quality alternatives may drive active responses (exit, voice).

What is Baxter’s Expectations and Strategies for relationship Dissolution?

Core Idea: Dissolution occurs when unmet expectations persist over time.

Key Expectations: Autonomy, similarity, emotional support, loyalty, honesty, time together, equity, and maintaining "spark."

Direct Strategies:

• Open discussions (e.g., "Do you think our relationship is working?").

• Clear declarations (e.g., mutual agreement to end).

Indirect Strategies:

• Avoidance behaviours (e.g., pseudo-de-escalation, withdrawal).

• Passive-aggressive or cost-escalation tactics.

• Gradual distancing ("fading away").

Active vs. Passive Nature: Echoes Rusbult’s active (direct) vs. passive (indirect) framing.

What is the Duck’s Phase model of relationship dissolution?

Core Idea: Break-ups occur in stages, triggered by psychological thresholds.

Four Phases:

• Intrapsychic Phase: Internal dissatisfaction; focus on partner's flaws. Threshold: "I can’t stand this any more."

• Dyadic Phase: Open confrontation and discussion of issues. Threshold: "I’d be justified in withdrawing."

• Social Phase: Public acknowledgment of the break-up; seeking social support. Threshold: "I mean it."

• Grave-Dressing Phase: Post-relationship narrative creation; preparing for future relationships. Threshold: "It’s now inevitable."

Unique Contribution: Describes the entire process, not just initiation, and suggests interventions for repair at different stages.