10/7 emotions and well-being- forgiveness

other-praising behavior expresser

nothing

other-praising behavior recipient

increase perception of expresser responsiveness, increase positive emotions, increased experienced love

self-benefit behavior expresser

nothing

self-benefit behavior recipient

did not predict listener outcomes

responsiveness-highlighting recipient

increase positive relationship quality, negative relationship quality, increase gratitude positivity (how good did it feel to hear), decrease gratitude negativity

responsiveness-highlighting expresser

increase positive relationship quality (felt close conected), negative relationship quality (less tension and less conflict)

cost-highlighting expresser

this one is less effective because it focuses on how the expressor could be overlooked/taken advantage of and that was hard reciporacation

cost-highlighting recipient

decrease in gratitude positivity, increase in gratitude negativity, increase negative relationship wuality (more tensing conflicts

how we say thank you matters

Framing gratitude to focus on the other person, and how responsive they were, elicits the most benefits of gratitude expressions

defining forgiveness (bad)

Opportunities for forgiveness occur in the presence of an injustice gap (assessment of injustice-assessment of what has happened/ what injustice happened and desired resolution are uneven- what youre looking for from the other person)

defining forgiveness (good)

When injustice gap is closed, forgiveness is more likely (assessment of injustice and desired resolution are even)

Types of Forgiveness

Decisional forgiveness; Emotional forgiveness

Decisional forgiveness

The decision to treat the offender with respect; Occurs if decided it’s safe and prudent to forgive (Other person is sincerely apologetic, Belief that they will not wrong you again-learned somehting, will change, move forward), Do not forget the harm done (forgive and forget, don’t do that, need to acknowledge the harm)

Emotional forgiveness

Transformation of emotions: Negative emotions reduced, Positive emotions may increase due to: Empathy (come to understand), Compassion (care for the other person), Love

emotional forgiveness (state of emotion)

Neutral emotional state reached with strangers or any person with no intention to interact with in the future (dont just want a neurtal state, you want to go back to the emotuin state from before); Positive emotional state reached with close partners

forgiveness is not

Forgetting; Forbearing (refusing to respond to offense to maintain harmony like not acknowledging it is not forgiving); Excusing or condoning (just bc you forgave them doesn’t mean you want it to happen again); Reconciling (you can offer forgiveness, but the other person wasn’t ready for forgivness themselves; Simply saying “I forgive you”

how each injustice gap happens irl

injustice = friend doesn’t contribute to group project, desired resolution = apology or extra work on future project

decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness irl

Talk to friend to understand their perspective; Move beyond anger or hurt and Feel empathy and compassion for friend

Theories on Forgiveness

Stress-and-coping theory of forgiveness; Process model of forgiveness; Interdependence theory of forgiveness

Stress-and-coping theory of forgiveness

Transgressions are framed as STRESSORS (less neg effects), Forgiveness is a way to RESTORE HOMEOSTASIS (restore balance): reduce stress from percived transgression, restore balance and increase wellbeing; theory helps us understand the role of forgiveness in physical and psychological health (connect to prev balance of work bc stress causes bodily harm)

transformation of theories on forgiveness

Appraising a transgression is threatening → stress (in body and neg emotion like anxiety) → cope to restore homeostasis (seek social support, directly engage w other person)

Stress-and-Coping Theory in Action

Appraise threatening transgression: friend did not contribute; Elicits stress: anxiety, trouble sleeping; Coping to restore homeostasis: Social support from other group members, Engaging with and forgiving friend; Improved psychological and physical well-being

Process model of forgiveness

Intervention strategy used in psychotherapy; involves 4 steps: uncovering phase, decision phase, work phase, deepening phase

Uncovering phase

Gain an understanding of the offense (avoid thinking about how it hurt you like need to understamd how it hurt you, how did it negatively impact us); Understanding the consequence of injury to one’s life

Decision phase

Learn what forgiveness is (in that specific context, what does it mean to forgive someone); Make a decision to forgive based on understanding (we have to actually forgive the other person); Embrace forgiveness as a CHOICE

work phase

Seek empathy for offender (Understand reason for hurtful/offensive behavior, hear from their perspective), Reframe offense and offender (See offender as fallible or imperfect)

Deepening phase

Discover a sense of meaning in suffering (change of feeling, feel how the other person feels); Change of feelings: More connected with other person, Less sadness (less conflict), More purpose in life

process model in action

1. in the uncovering phase, people (understand the offense, consequences: stress from added work, anxiety over grade); 2. decision phase: learn what forgiveness means, decide to forgive friend, knowing it is a choice; 3. in the work phase, empathsize with friend, understand why they did what they did (stress, issues at home); 4. deepening phase: discover meaning in the offense and hurt friend (become more connected w friend, find purpose in the experience

Interdependence theory of forgiveness

people are connected, or INDEPENDENT (goals are sometimes compatible, sometimes in conflict), people must decide whether to (prioritize self-interest, prioritize the relationship), best demonstrates the effects of forgiveness on RELATIONSHIP WELL-BEING; independence is assessed in DIAGNOSTIC SITUATIONS (dilemmas that occur when desires and goals in conflict); resolved through a TRANSFORMATION OF MOTIVATION: Avoid natural tendency to be self-oriented, Instead, focus on relationship-oriented goals

Interdependence Theory in Action

Diagnostic situation occurs: Highly connected interpersonal situation, with grade

and friendship at stake, Transformation of motivation: Move away from desire to retaliate (ruin friend’s grade), Prioritize rebuilding friendship

griffin, 2015; Comprehensive review on the link between forgiveness and personal well-being

found that forgiveness was related with better mental health: lower neg experiences (depression, anxiety, stress; rumination (bringing up past events), hostility, PTSD; more positive experiences: life satisfaction; positive emotion, optiminism, hope; larger and more supportive network; better self-reported health; Adaptive identity development (personal growth, seeing oneself as capable of forgiving, seeing oneself as capable of addressing conflict

Unforgiveness related to poor mental health

Greater stress and physiological indicators of stress; Greater negative emotions affect mental health over time

Forgiveness promotes RELATIONSHIP HARMONY

Decreases number of conflicts (Stop bringing up prior wrongs or offenses); Smoother and peaceful interactions (Promotes greater intimacy)

Relationship mastery and maintenance

Promotes putting effort into a relationship; Promotes trust; Promotes relationship success and satisfaction

what is an apology

is an acknowledgement of wrongdoing and expression of guilt from a transgressor to the victim; Apologies are the most effective TOOL OF RECONCILIATION from a transgressor

The Role of Apologies

High-quality apologies include the following elements: 1. Acceptance of responsibility; 2. Offer of repair; 3. Admission of wrongdoing; 4. Acknowledgment of harm; 5. Promise to behave better; 6. Explanation; 7. Request for forgiveness; 8. Remorse

High-quality apologies do not include self-protective strategies:

1. Excuses, 2. Justification, 3. Victim blaming, 4. Minimizations

Benefits of apologies:

Help victims feel validated, Improve victims’ evaluations of the transgressors, Decrease victims’ aggression toward transgressors, Increase victims’ empathy and willingness to forgive, Repairs reputations of both transgressor and victim