Lines for TCD - Kevin

Beatrice: The Blue Folder is full of the complaints about the Blue Folder being too small.

[enters, looking lost] Uh, hi. Sorry. Is this the… I’m looking for the restroom? The one on the third floor has a “Do Not Enter” sign written in what looks like blueberry jam.

Beatrice: (to Kevin) Is that a sesame seed bagel?

Uh… yes?

Arthur: (to Kevin) You’ve compromised the floor, son.

I just need to pee.

Arthur: The Manager hears everything, Beatrice. He once heard me thinking about a vacation in 2011 and took away my stapler for a week.

Look, can I just leave?

Beatrice (to Kevin): While you’re here, would you liked to co-sign my petition to change the font of the “Exit” signs? The current font is far too… aggressive. It’s yelling at me to leave, and I find it rude.

I want to leave! The sign is right!

Arthur: Kevin, please. Lower your volume, You’re vibrating the dead plant.

I don’t care about the plant! I don’t care about the butter! I just want a bathroom that isn’t covered in jam!

Arthur: You know, the jam on the third floor is actually a very high-quality boysenberry. The Manager uses it to mark his territory. If you wipe it off, you’re technically challenging him to a duel.

A duel? With what?

Beatrice: (satisfied) Thank you, Arthur. I knew you’d come through.

That’s it? That’s the resolution?

Arthur: The seeds, Kevin. They’re everywhere. They’re mocking me.

I’m leaving. I’ll just use the bush in the parking lot.

Arthur: Careful. The bush has a Blue Folder, too.

[exit cue]