Chapter 8: Rules and Rule Sequences

vicious cycles

cyclic pattern that is disabled and destructive

example of vicious cycle

when one parent has a bad day at the office, they come home and are critical of the other parents, then the second parent takes their anger out on the child, and the child then picks a fight with a sibling or kicks the dog

father - ineffective

behaves in an upset or depressed way, not functioning to his capacity

child - misbehaving

begins to be out of control or express symptoms

mother - ineffective

tries to deal with the child and is unsuccessful; father gets involved

father - competent

deals with the child effectively and recovers from his state of incompetency

child - behaving

regains composure and behaves

mother - competent

becomes more capable, deals with the father and child in more competent way, expecting more from them - the more she tries to get them to improve, the more they will do the opposite

father - ineffective - morphostasis

revers to depressed ways, cycle begins again

generational rule sequences

involve three generations and often grow out of cross-generational alliances

generational example step 1

grandmother takes care of grandchild while protesting that mother is irresponsible and does not take care of the child properly, in this way the grandmother is siding with the child against the mother in a coalition across generation lines.

generational example step 2

mother withdraws, letting grandmother care for the child

generational example step 3

the child misbehaves or expresses symptomatic behavior.

generational example step 4

grandmother protests that she should not have to take care of the child and

discipline him, she has raised her children, and the mother should take care of her

own child

generational example step 5

mother begins to take care of her own child

generational example step 6

grandmother protests that the mother does not know how to take care of the

child properly and is being irresponsible, she takes over the care of the grandchild to

save the child from the mother

generational example step 7

mother withdraws, letting the grandmother care for the child

generational example step 8

the child misbehaves or expresses symptomatic behavior