A+OL lines

lt. Rooney

Well what do you know about that?

ring doorbell

Come in.

What the hell are you doing here? I told you I was going to handle this.

Well, sir, we was just about to—

What happened? Did she put up a fight?

All I said was she looked like Boris Karloff.

Turn her over.

We kinda think she’s wanted somewhere.

Oh, you kinda think she’s wanted somewhere? If you don’t look at the circulars we hang up in the station, at least you could read the True Detective. Certainly she’s wanted. In Indiana! Escaped from the prison for the Criminally Insane! She’s a lifer, For God’s sake that’s how she was described—She looked like Karloff! 

Was there a reward mentioned?

Yeah—and I’m claiming it.

She said there was thirteen bodies buried down there.

Thirteen bodies buried in the cellar? And that didn’t tip you off she came out of a nut-house!

I thought all along she talked kinda crazy.

Oh, it’s Shakespeare! Where have you been all night? And you needn’t bother to tell me.

I’ve been right here, sir. Writing a play with Mortimer Brewster. 

Yeah? Well, you’re gonna have plenty of time to write that play. You’re suspended! Now get back and report in!

Can I come over sometime and use the station typewriter?

No!—Get out of here. Take that somewhere and bring her to. See what you can find out about her accomplice. The person that helped her escape. She’s wanted too. No wonder Brooklyn’s in the shape it’s in, with the police force full of flatheads like you—falling for that kind of a story—thirteen bodies in the cellar!

But there are thirteen bodies in the cellar.

Who are you?

I’m President Roosevelt.

What the hell is this?

Good morning, Colonel. (salute to him)

Well, Colonel, you’ve blown your last bugle.

Dear me—another Yellow Fever victim? 

Whaat? 

No, Colonel, this is a spy we caught in the White House.

Will you get that girl out of here!

If there’s any questioning of spies, that’s my department!

You keep out of this!

Captain—I’m Mortimer Brewster.

Are you sure?

I’d like to talk to you about my brother Teddy—the one who blew the bugle.

Mr. Brewster, we ain’t going to talk about that—he’s got to be put away!

…Teddy has signed them himself, you see—and I’ve signed them as next of kin. 

Where’s he going? 

Happy Dale.

All right, I don’t care where he goes as long as he goes!

Now, those thirteen bodies in the cellar— (cross SL & put hand on chair during lines)

Yeah—yeah—those thirteen bodies in the cellar! It ain’t enough that the neighbors are all afraid of him, and his disturbing the peace with that bugle—but can you imagine what would happen if that cock-eyed story about thirteen bodies in the cellar got around? And now he’s starting a Yellow Fever scare. Cute, ain’t it? 

Do you think anybody would believe that story?

Well, you can’t tell. Some people are just dumb enough. You don’t know what to believe sometimes. About a year ago a crazy guy starts a murder rumor over in Greenpoint, and I had to dig up half acre lot, just to prove that—

(Mortimer indicates Rooney) This is Captain—

Lieutenant Rooney. I’m glad you’re here, Super, because you’re taking him back with you today. 

I had no idea it was this immediate.

The papers are all signed, he goes today!

…—what’s this country coming to?

There’s your man, Super.

Yes, we’re going to speak to Teddy about that.

It’s a little more serious than that, Miss Brewster.

You’ve come to meet Teddy,

He’s come to take him.

Oh—no!

Not while we’re alive!

I’m sorry, Miss Brewster, but it has to be done. The papers are all signed and he’s going along with the Superintendent.

We won’t be separated from Teddy,

I’m sorry, ladies, but the law’s the law! He’s committed himself and he’s going!

Well, the Lord knows we could use the money, but—I’m afraid—

Now let’s be sensible about this, ladies. For instance, here I am wasting my morning when I’ve got serious work to do. You know there are still murders to be solved in Brooklyn. 

Yes! Oh, are there?

It ain’t only his bugle blowing and the neighbors all afraid of him, but things would just get worse. Sooner or later we’d be put to the trouble of digging up your cellar. 

Our cellar?

Yeah.—Your niece’s been telling around that there are thirteen bodies in your cellar.

…half-acre lot—weren’t you, Lieutenant?

That’s right.

Oh, you wouldn’t have to dig here. The graves are all marked. We put flowers on them every Sunday.

Flowers? Superintendent—don’t you think you can find room for these ladies?

You come along with us, and we’ll show you the graves.

I’ll take your word for it, lady—I’m a busy man. How about it, Super? 

Yeah, Brophy and me have got your other niece out in the kitchen. 

Well, sign ‘em up, Superintendent. I want to get this all cleaned up. Thirteen bodies (cross to kitchen door) 

While everyone is talking before Mortimer speaks…

…go to phone and start dialing it

Don’t worry, I’m going to. (Mortimer stands…..speaks into phone) 

Hello Mac, Rooney. We’ve picked up that girl that’s wanted in Indiana. Now there’s a description of her accomplice—it’s right on the desk there—read it to me. Yeah—about fifty-four—five foot four—hundred and forty pounds—brown eyes—talks with a German accent. Poses as a doctor. Thanks, Mac. 

…just complete the signatures. (cross behind couch from phone to the doctor) 

Thanks, Doc. You’re really doing Brooklyn a service. 

One Moment, Witherspoon. Take this with you! (everyone exits from kitchen) 

We won’t need the wagon. My car’s out front. 

Oh, you leaving now, Joanna? 

Yeah—She’s going back to Indiana. There’s some people there want to take care of her for the rest of her life. Come on. 

After all, it should be part of the cemetery.

All right, get going. I’m a busy man. 

…—at least I have that satisfaction.

exit with Joanna & 2 cops