Into the Woods: Baker Lines

LRR: I SORT OF HATE TO ASK IT, BUT DO YOU HAVE A BASKET?

Don't stray and be late

Narrator: he was eager to have a family of his own, and concerned that all efforts until now had failed. (knock on the door)

Who might that be?

Wife: We have sold our last loaf of bread

It's the witch from next door

Witch enters house

We have no bread (with wife)

Witch: of course you have no bread!

What do you wish?

Narrator: The old enchantress went on to tell the couple that she had placed a spell in their house.

What spell?

Witch: AND WE'LL CALL IT SQUARE

I had a brother?

Witch: You see, when I had inherited that garden, my mother warned me I would be punished if I were ever to lose any of the Beans.

Beans? (with wife)

Cinderella: I WISH

Look what I found in father's hunting jacket.

Wife: Six beans.

I wonder if they are the-

Wife: witch's beans? We'll take them with us.

No you are not coming

Wife: THE SPELL IS ON OUR HOUSE

No. You are not to come and that is final. Now what am I to return with?

Wolf: AND HELLO (howls)

Is harm to come to that little girl... in the red cape?

Witch: Forget the little girl and get the cape!

You frightened me.

Witch: That's the cape. Get it. Get it. Get it!

How am I supposed to get it?

Witch: You go up to the little thing and you take it.

I can't just take a cloak from a little girl. Why don't you take it!

Witch: get me what I need. Get me what I need!

This is ridiculous. I'll never get that red cape, nor find a golden cow, or a yellow slipper - or was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow? Oh, no...

Wife: THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS -

What are you doing here?

Wife: you forgot your scarf

You have no business being alone in the wood. And you have no idea what I've come upon here. You would be frightened for your life. Now go home immediately.

Wife: I wish to help

NO! THE SPELL IS ON MY HOUSE

Wife: THE COW AS WHITE AS -

- milk. Hello there, young man.

Jack: Hello, sir

What might you be doing with a cow in the middle of the forest?

Wife: and what are you planning on doing there -- ?

And what are you planning on doing there?

Jack: Sell my cow, sir. No less than five pounds.

Five pounds! Where am I to get five pounds!

JACK: I hadn't thought of that... I suppose my mother and I will have no food to eat.

This is the sum total

Wife: BEANS! We mustn't give up our beans! Well... if you feel we must.

Huh!

Wife: Tell him.

Magic that defies description

Jack: How many beans?

Six

Jack: Could I buy my cow back someday?

Well...possibly. Good luck there, young lad.

Jack: IT WONT BE ON A PLATE

Take the cow and go home!

Wife: I was trying to be helpful

Magic beans! We've no reason to believe they're magic! Are we going to dispel this curse through deceit?

Wife: At least they'll have some food

Five beans!

Wife: THEN YOU GO AND YOU FIND IT AND YOU GET IT -

Home!

Wife: OR YOU LIVE TO REGRET IT

Will you please go home!

Wife: ALL THE REST OF IT IS CHATTER

Look at her she's crying

Wife: AND IT'S JUST A LITTLE BENT, DOES IT MATTER?

Yes!

Wife: IF THE END IS RIGHT, IT JUSTIFIES THE BEANS!

Take the cow and go home. I will carry this out in my own fashion!

Rapunzel's Prince: I will stand before her window and ask her to let down her hair to me.

Hello there, little one

LRR: Hello

Have you saved some of those sweets for Granny?

LRR: I ate all of the sweets, and half the loaf of bread.

Where did you get that beautiful cape? I so admire it

LRR: My granny made it for me.

Is that right? I would love a red cloak like that

LRR: You'd look pretty foolish

May I take a look at it?

LRR: Please give it back!

I want it badly

Witch: Forget the little girl and get the cape!

I just wanted to make certain that you really loved this cape. Now you go to your Granny's - and you be careful that no wolf comes your way.

Narrator: And with his appetite appeased, the Wolf took to bed for a nice long nap.

That grandmother has a mighty snore... Odd. Where is the little one? Eating no doubt... Or eaten! ... Grandmother, ha! ... What is that red cloth in the corner of your mouth? Looks to me to be a piece of.. ah ha! I'll get that cape from within your stomach.

Granny: Quiet, child. This evil must be destroyed

Well, I will leave you to your task

Granny: Don't ya want the skins?

No. No. You keep them.

Granny: What kind of hunter are you?

I'm a baker!

LRR: Mr.Baker, you saved our lives. Here.

Are you certain?

LRR: Yes. Maybe Granny will make me another with the skins of that wolf.

Thank you!

Jack: Here's five gold pieces.

Five gold pieces!

Jack: She allowed me these five to do with as I pleased.

Oh, my

Jack: Where is Milky-White?

Milky-White is back home with my wife.

Jack: Let's go find them.

Wait! I don't know that I wish to sell

Jack: But you said I might buy her back.

I know, but I'm not certain that five gold pieces would -

Jack: Are you saying that you wish more money?

More money is always -

Jack: Keep this. I will go fetch more.

Wait. I didn't say - Five gold pieces! With this money I could buy baking supplies for a year. I could buy a new thatched roof and a new chimney.

MM: But could you buy yourself a child?

Who are you?

MM: Would you buy yourself a child?

I don't understand.

MM: Five gold pieces? Ten? Twenty?

I've not thought to put a price on it.

MM: You've not thought about many things, have you, son?

Give me back the money. It's not yours -

MM: What's important is that your wish be honored.

Come back here! Damn! Give me back - What are you doing here now?

Wife: I see you've the red cape.

Yes. I've the cape. Only two more items left to locate.

Wife: Three

Two. I've the cape and the cow.

Wife: You've the cape!

What have you done with the cow?

Wife: She ran away. I never reached home. I've been looking for her all night.

I should have known better than to have entrusted her to you.

Wife: She might just as easily have run from you!

But she didn't

Wife: But she might have!

BUT SHE DIDN'T!!!

Witch: WHO CARES! THE COW IS GONE! GET IT BACK! GET IT BACK!!

We were just going to do that. Here, I can give you this.

Wife: lovely

She's very gifted

Witch: Deliver the items or you'll wish you never thought to have a child!

I don't like that woman.

Wife: I'm sorry I lost the cow.

I shouldn't have yelled. Now please, go back to the village. I will make things right! And then we can just go about our life. No more hunting about in the woods for strange objects. No more witches and dim witted boys and hungry little girls. Go!

Jack's Mother: Jack...! Jack...!

Moo...Moo..

MM: Moo! Looking for your cow?

Where did you find her? Hello?

Baker's Wife: Cow?

Please, let me just compare this color with that of your own.

Stepmother: over there!

I thought you were returning home. I've had no luck.

Wife: You've the cow!

Yes. I've the cow. I've only two of the four

Wife: Three

Baker: Two!

Wife: Three. Compare this to your corn.

Where did you find it?

Wife: I pulled it from a maiden in a tower

Three!

Wife: And I almost had the fourth, but she got away.

We've one entire day left. Surely we can locate the slipper by then.

Wife: We? You mean you'll allow me to stay?

Well...perhaps it will take the two of us to get this child.

Jack: And the owners. And my hen!

Look what this hen has dropped in my hand!

Wife: Five gold pieces?

Now I never said I would sell

Wife: You took five gold pieces?

I didn't take, you gave.

Wife: Where are the five gold pieces

An old man...

Jack: You said I could have my cow!

Now, I never said you could. I said you might.

Narrator: And the exhausted baker and his wife buried the dead Milky-White

You must go to the village in search of another cow

Wife: And what do you propose I use to buy this cow?

Here. Tell them it's magic

Wife: No person with a brain larger than this is going to exchange a cow for a bean.

Then steal it.

Wife: Just two days ago, you were accusing me of exercising deceit in securing the cow.

Then don't steal it and resign yourself to a childless life.

Wife: I think I might succeed in winning one of her shoes

Fine

Wife: Fine

That is simply -

MM: When is a white cow not a white cow?

I don't know! Leave me alone!

MM: Haven't I left you alone long enough?

Your questions make no sense, old man! Go away!

Steward: Lying will cost you your life!

Wife: I've done nothing...

I've the cow.

Wife: Yes. Slipper - Hair

Cape - Cow

Witch: This cow has been covered with flour!

Well, we did had a cow as white as milk. Honestly we did.

Wife: She's dead.

We thought you'd prefer a live cow

Wife: So bring me the dead cow and I'll bring her back to life!

You could do that?