Marriage Prep Exam 2

modern threats to marriage

secularism, individualism, materialism, and hedonism

Why should you test drive a car and not a spouse?

you can't upgrade a spouse like you can a car; you learn things throughout your relationship; cohabitation predicts a higher divorce rate

benefits to modern marriage

more fulfilled sexual relations, live longer, less illness, happier, better off economically

10 suggestions from "A Time for Faith Not Fear"

1. trials are necessary

2. lift up thine eyes

3. diligently live the commandments

4. you are not alone

5. facing hard times valiantly puts us in good company

6. trials build faith and confidence

7. answer come as we act

8. God armed us for trials

9. Turn the matter over to the Lord and patiently wait

10. Listen to Church leaders

deinstitutionalization of marriage

• Changing divisions of labor in the home

• Out of wedlock children

• Growth of cohabitation

• Emergence of same-sex marriage

Power poses (Amy Cuddy)

when you pretend to be powerful, you feel more powerful; our bodies change our minds

benefits of power poses

feeling more in power, stronger, confident; developing and showing passion

how do you develop your own passion?

move away from fear and reconnect with yourself

1. make a self audit

2. follow what feels good

3. engage with things that take you out of your comfort zone

what is your why?

what motivates you and gives meaning; God and my family

is passion innate?

yes

is marriage an ordinance or a covenant?

both

what makes marriage an ordinance and a covenant?

it is a sacred ceremony under priesthood authority (ordinance) and a sacred promise between us and God (covenant)

3 levels of chastity

sexual wholeness, spiritual purity, and behavioral chastity

why is chastity emphasized in dating?

commitment increases at different stages of intimacy; chastity is a state of mind

how is dating different from hanging out?

3 p's

commitment

willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work

date

must past the 3 P's

planned ahead, paid for, and paired off

How can I develop commitment before I'm even in a romantic relationship?

optimal relationships are built on the foundation of other relationship experiences

cautions from President Oaks

women: resist freeloaders and hanging out, let them take you on a date

men: man up and pair off, date a variety of people, and take initiative

5 tips for dating

1. have a good time and help your date have a good time

2. take risks

3. be comfortable with rejection

4. lower the stakes

5. take responsibility for your relationships

how are bad dates good dates?

it's all just information; you get to learn and get to know people

mindfulness in dating

actually get to know someone; are you dating in a loving way and are you intentional with how you date?

wearing a mask in a relationship

putting on emotional armor and putting up walls (my own opinions)

how to develop intimacy and emotional safety

develop emotional intimacy, affectionate intimacy, and then passionate intimacy

what did I learn about emotional intimacy from couple's interview

- understanding the differences between each other

- can always do better and learn more

- being emotionally connected

6 ideas for rechoosing each other

1. stay together

2. learn, grow, and circle your wagons

3. don't give up on each other

4. don't turn on each other in bad times

5. forgive

6. make the relationship work

circle your wagons

to gather to protect each other

stages of committed relationships (article in Mod 10)

1. romantic love

2. adjusting to reality

3.the power struggle (issues blow up)

4.re-evaluation

5.reconciliation

6. acceptance

re-evaluation stage

both people disengage and decide if they want to stay

Carl Rogers

commitment is the unconditional positive regard

secularism

devalues spiritual meanings

individualism

family serves individuals

materialsim

happiness is from money

hedonism

pleasure is the highest good

passion

express who you are to others and strengthen the bond between people

balanced passion

energy that is each person's unique way of being who they are