SFL 376 Exam 2

6 principles of empathic

1. Listen more than you talk

2. Pay attention to nonverbal language

3. Listen for what is not said

4. Determine exactly what the other is saying

5. Manage your emotions

6. Empathize with spouse

What is meta communication?

talking about communication

Percent of verbal, tone of voice, and non verbal conveyed

7%, 38%, 55%

4 principles of sexual decision making

1. Marital unity

2. Couple consensus

3. Positive attitudes towards sex

4. Sexual potential

Bowlby's components?

Attachment, caregiving, sex

How many women are not orgasmic during their last sexual experience?

more than half

How many women are not orgasmic during most sexual experiences?

40%

How many years gap between the first sexual experience and first orgasm?

up to a few years gap

Two past approaches to the female orgasm

1. It's just the way it is

2. Help women become more like men

Specific ways people have tried to "make women more like men" to solve the orgasm issue

sexual education, encourage masturbation, increase equality, decrease religiosity, increase positive attitudes about sex

What does help a female orgasm (categories)?

relational dynamics, techniques, attitudes

Different relational dynamics that will help with female orgasm?

most important is very happy relationship, openness in talking about sexuality, non sexual touching, orgasms are priority, sexuality is priority, skillful and desirable parter

What is sexual mindfulness?

the purposeful giving of non-judgmental attention to the present during a sexual experience- has shown associations with sexual satisfaction above and beyond sexual behaviors such as kissing, vaginal and oral sex

All communication is a (blank)

translation

Effective communication takes place when

intent = impact

The one real solution to reduce comfort about talking about sex

talk about sex

Why is sexual restraint important before marriage?

You get to see how people act when they don't get what they want

What should we do to solve problem of rape?

Raise up boys to be real men

Attachment is what kind of science?

Bonding science

Main points of Sue Johnson's talk

Sex is a safe adventure

Sex is an emotional dance

Sex is a potent bonding activity

Solace Sex

heavy emphasis on emotional part of relationship, proof of love, anxious

Sealed off Sex

avoidant attachment... focus on physcal part; sex is lonely and not enjoyable

happily married partner attribute what percent of their happiness to a pleasing sex life

15-20%

unhappy partner ascribe what percent of their distress to sexual problems?

50-70%

Three principal attachment behaviors that characterize securely attached couples (ARE)

Accessibility

Responsiveness

Engagement

How many hours of positive engagement with partner?

5

What word does honesty come from?

Honor

What word does integrity come from?

Whole

What word does authenticity come from?

Genuine

What did Brene Brown say about authenticity?

It's about showing up

What is the sexual crucible?

Unresolved individual and relationship problems surface to reveal themselves in common dysfunctional sexual styles → evokes people's deepest vulnerabilities and fears, and also taps into their potential for profound love, passion, even spiritual transcendence.

What leads people out of the comfort cycle?

Risk... NG2... no guts no glory!

Almost all couples spend most of their time in which cycle?

Comfort cycle

What is the most common sexual experience before marriage?

Masturbation

How many boys and girls have masturbated between ages 2-5?

40% of girls; 60% of boys

At what age range do children first learn to feel shame about sex?

Ages 2-5

How many boys and girls have masturbated in adolescence?

40% of girls; 60% of boys

How many males and females have masutrbated by age 24?

92% of males' 77% of females

By age 30, how many males adn females have masturbated?

99% of males; 85% of females

Why is masturbation sinful?

secret and selfish/solitary

if teenagers talk to parents or leaders about masturbation, they must be told the following

§ Appreciation for honesty

§ Normal to have sexual feelings and control them

§ They are loved and not messed up

§ Progress over perfection in controlling these habits

WOOP approach to goals

W: what is the desired goal

O: optimal outcome

O: obstacles

P: practice improving on things that interfere with success

o Only three principles have been consistently taught in official church publications regarding sexual behaviors in marriage

1. Porn and adultery are sinful

2. Beyond this, it is up to husband and wife and personal revelation

3. But not everything goes in bedroom

o Why do LDS people want the Lord to make decisions for them?

1. Spirituality is magic

2. Spirituality is formula

3. It is hard to accept that a relationship is based on the agency of three entities, miracles, and listening to the Spirit

What is the primary purpose of prayer?

Praise

o : Elder Scott taught that we receive three kinds of answers from the Lord

1. strong confirmation it is right

2. Strong confirmaiton it is wrong

3. Nothing (most common)

What does it mean when we receive no answer from the Lord? (3 possibilities)

1. Spiritually out of touch

2. Have not put in enough effort yet

3. It is our choice (most common)

4 guiding principles of sexual decision making

1. Marital unity

2. Couple consensus

4. Positive sexual attitudes

5. Sexual potential

T/F there are more similarites rather than differences in men psychologically and sexually

True

Sexual differences between men and women

1. Female sexuality more complex

2. Women can have multiple orgasms

3. Menstrual cycle

4. Ability to conceive, carry children, breastfeed

5. Reliability and predictability of sexual response is different

o Sexual similarities between men and women

1. Similar capacity to experience desire, arousal, and orgasm

2. Healthy sexuality involves shared pleasure for both

3. Sexuality deepens intimacy

4. Sex can be used as a destressor

Sexual fantasies increase what hormone in which gender?

testosterone; women

All communication is a

translation

When does effective communication take place?

When intent = impact

In regards to sex, most communication is

nonverbal

- T/F The primary solution to learning to reduce discomfort with talkingabout sex is getting therapy.

o False... the solution is to TALK ABOUT SEX

- T/F People pay more attention to nonverbal communication when there is incongruence between communication channels.

True

- T/F According to the reading on attachment by Sue Johnson, it would be accurate to say that sexuality is more predictive of relationship satisfaction than

relationship distress.

False... other way around

According to Sue Johnson, the three principle attachment behaviors (A.R.E.) that characterize securely attached couples include:

Accessibility, Responsiveness, Engagement

- In her article, Sue Johnson says "Positive attachment creates a safe (blank) that offers a buffer against stress and uncertainty"

Haven

- Sue Johnson says that healthy attachment offers "a (blank) base from which individuals can explore..."

Secure

- T/F Anxiously attached partners seem to focus on the physical aspects of sex while avoidantly attached partners focus on the emotional factors

False... this is flipped

- In regards to the growth cycle, what is our first response to risk?

Anxiety

Which of the following is NOT a way to avoid the growth cycle?

Coping with anxiety

Ways to avoid the growth cycle (think tim allen)

defending, joking, being an "expert" in the relationship

- T/F Almost all couples spend most of their time in the growth cycle.

False

- To grow, your (blank) to your relationship has to be stronger than your (blank) to your personal views

commitment

- Which of the following is NOT true about masturbation?

o Research has shown there are several negative effects of masturbation on marital sexual adjustment

o **The truth is, research hasn't really found any positive OR negative connection between masturbation and marital sexuality or relationship quality... the fact is, they are just whole different animals

- In terms of how decisions are made in marriage (blank) is the preeminent and overarching principle, presiding and nurturing are subservient

Equal partnership

The two primary lines of communication from the Lord that were discussed by Elder Oaks

Priesthood line and personal line