P&P Jane

But you must get there before horse faced Charlotte Lucas!

Mamma! Charlotte is our friend!

begging on the street for your bread it will be TOO LATE THEN to CRY!

Mamma please don't work yourself up so we're almost out of salts! Lydia, Lydia, Lydia! Pappa Please!

Live just long enough for me to introduce you to Mr. Bingley

Pappa?

One of us must save the family after all, and you are the likeliest champion

Me, Lizzy? Why not you?

Lydia, you are much too young to think of such things, and Mary, you-

Lizzy is talking a lot of nonsense girls, as usual

Playing games keeps one sane, when the stakes involved threaten to drive one MAD.

Stop filling her head with foolishness. It's not a game, Lydia.

You probably decide he's your Perfect Match just after your mamma has finished counting his rich, sickly relatives and your papa has called on his bankers. These things are all arranged above one's head Lydia.

It's complicated dear. But I imagine you know when you have met the right person-- Well at first there is a liking. And then you behave appropriately of course. But eventually there is a perfect understanding between souls. Wordless, and faultless.

NOW who's filling her head with nonsense? What novels have you been reading?

Well what do YOU really think it is Elizabeth

I have no desire to find out! One of you will have to marry to save the family from ruin, for I'll none of it.

Oh, you don't mean that.

I spy a Redcoat

Lydia, don't step out of line!

Lydia!

How can you laugh?

I spy.

Haven't you been engaged for any dances?

There is a deplorable lack of gentlemen. I spy... nobody worth noting.

I hate this kind of event.

Lizzy

Don't squeeze it, Steve!

I spy Lydia having rather too much punch. Lizzy-

But that cannot be the bachelor my mother described, Charlotte; he looks most disappointingly mortal.

No-

(Open curtain)

No, no more dea dank you.

Jane?

Liddy?

-yes?

Oh Liddy, I'm so glad youah heew

Jane you gave me such a turn I thought you were dying

Budd I am Liddy! Lidden to me!

It's just a cold

Ids a DISADDSder. How can I go down dere and let Midder Bingley see me like dith Liddy? I look worse den Maryyyyy

now you are speaking nonsense dearest-- you're as beautiful as ever

you dink dat because you lub me but Midder Bingley hardly knowd me, and firsd impreshiuns are vely (sneeze) Importand

If he likes you at all, Jane, then he will like you even in an imperfect state. And I am certain that he likes you-very much.

Really? Because Liddy-I like him doo, DO much. He id de Perfect Mand.

So well done, my dear, so clever, I am so glad to see you taking serious action at last!

There was no strategem in the common cold , Mamma

It is a pity you recovered. But it served: You have bewitched Mr. Bingley! He throws this ball to a purpose-he prepares his ambush-and you must take care-to be-CONQUERED!

Mr. Bingley's ball is no compliment to me, Mamma!

You will engage him in earnest, won't you Jane? You won't be too diffident, will you?

I will do all that is appropriate.

Mamma, Lizzy, Jane, Mamma-

LYDIA-

Nay

Mineral.

And how-

A cat

Nay- you are all too stupid

A rat-not a rat, Lydia

Mr. Wickham, I have SUCH a naughty proposition for you! I DEMAND that you comecomecomeCOME escort us to Mr. BIngley's ball on Tuesday! He's Jane's beau, you know, and ever so rich-

Lydia.

-No bachelors will be there but Jane's not-beau and that atrocious Mr. Darcy, so after Lizzy you must stand with me, too! Come, sir. Comecomecome!

Lydia!

YES-

Lydia only means sir that as a clergyman you may not wish to dance

Did Mr. Bingley say when he would call?

No, but- I may not go to church today. In case he comes.

What is this SHOCKING behavior?

Perhaps I should go, after all-

No, no, no! (We are only teasing you!)

Oh.

Indeed, you could stand to be much more shocking in your dealings with Mr. Bingley, Jane.

Really? I always feel that I am rather... forward.

truly

But I suppose we are all blind to ourselves. When he comes I will try to let him know that I-I-I... like him

"I like you, Mr. Bingley." A truly affectionate response to a proposal.

Charlotte! We cannot know-

Why didn't you accept him, Lizzy? He was most appropriate.

What is "appropriate"? One should do anything rather than marry without affection!

Not precisely. He has gone to Lucas Lodge-to ask consent fro my father.

You don't mean to say-He has made another offer on the course of a walk?

Good Lord!

Go, Lydia. Gogogo.

The clock is ticking. Marriage is a serious matter and ought to be considered rationally. With Mr. Collins, I shall have-

This. All of this.

Yes. But the entail is not my fault, Jane, and Lizzy had her chance.

There doesn't need to be any awkwardness between us, does there? We will soon laugh at this, as we do at everything else!

Lydia has told Mamma!

Please don't cry Jane-are you upset with me too?

No- it's the note from Netherfield. Miss Bingley writes that she and her brother left the county this morning.

-Did Mr. Darcy go, too?

When are they to return?

Never Lizzy. She said they are never coming back.

I know that note is wrong-Bingley will return soon.

Oh, Lizzy, do you think so?

-I suppose I was just thinking of how Charlotte Lucas shall do up this room-once you are dead. What d'you think, Lizzy, will she steal all of our furniture-

Mamma.

-or will she burn it down to matchsticks? She may do anything she lives, of course-she will be mistress of this house!

Mamma.

At least she's stopped throwing things.

It won't last much longer. Charlotte has moved to Kent, and when you return from visiting her, Mamma will be too eager for gossip to hold a grudge. And as for-

Bingley

He shall soon be forgotten. -And all will be as it was! I have nothing to hope for, Lizzy. It was an error of fancy on my side, nothing more.

He must have felt something for you!

Then why did he leave so suddenly? And then, no word- for a month?

...Jane, do you love him?

I thought love would be a faultless understanding between two people; perfect knowledge, without words needed. But I don't know his mind.

His behavior is unaccountable!

Lizzy, even if I do-did love him, it doesn't mean that I know he is the right match. How does one ever know?

They are very dull, Mr. Wickham.

Lydia.

He'll make you laugh and laugh! Wickham, do your impression of the cross-eyed cabman--or tell them the shocking story of how Mr. Darcy stole your inheritance--anything to break up their seriousness. Come, sir! Comecomecome!

LYDIA. Please...accompany me to the other room for a moment.

why

Go! Gogogo.

Pappa, this is Mr. Wickham- he escorted Mary and me home today.

Where is Mary, Lydia?

Pappa!

Mary!

Lydia and Mr. - sped ahead - left me behind (thats not true at all Mary/)

Girls. Girls. Girls!

Turn turn turn. A tolerable figure, don't you think so, Anne?

Mmmmmmyes.

If a bit too plump.

Frt.

How poorly planned.

Drmb.

We are Only Too Pleased-- except Anne and I are not dressed for any Company Of Note.

Ehhhh (flirty)

I had no idea you ---...danced

Dnnnnssssd

Sit by Anne, sir, and tell us of your journey.

mmmmmmmyes

I must have my share of the conversation

Mmmmmmmmmehhh!

Sir! I am instructed to take your place. Your aunt wished you to hear how Miss De Bourgh would handle an instrument

MMMMMYEEEEEssss

Precisely come lizzy come come come

Herrr lerves mer, Herrr lerves mer nert. Herr lervs mer, Herrr lerves mer nert. Her ler-

A lady's touch is needed

Mmmmmmmmeehhhh.

Another thing that will change with a Right-Minded Mistress- don't you agree, Anne?

MMMMMMMYeeeeEEEESSSsss

The steward's boy?

Blehhhhh.

and he turned out no gentleman at all.

Ern herr nerr wershes herz herndz when herr gerrs terr the chamberpertrrt. Errrr.

Not married. Run away.

EEEEeeeOOooh

Shall we? (Start new scene)

Pappa has made inquiries everywhere but there's no trace of them. I do not know what we will do.

How is Mamma? She must be very bad.

It is not Mamma, Lizzy, it's-

Lizzy. I didn't hear-the-uh, the. Coach. I must-

Shall I fetch you some tea, Pappa, or something to eat?

Halloooo! Hallo! ...what?

you scared us half to death-

HOW DARE YOU COME UNDER MY ROOF, SIR! ELIZABETH! FETCH ME MY PISTOLS!

Pappa-

I should hope my HUSBAND is welcome here!

your husband?

I knew Wickham would come 'round to marriage eventually! And once Darcy found us, we were at the church the next day!

...Mr. Darcy?

Mrs. Bennet, please. My nerves.

-Lizzy, why would Mr. Darcy interfere? It must be a credit to you!

No, Jane, Darcy was the person who revealed Mr. Wickham's character to me. I am sure he feels a...responsibility, for not being more open about Wickham's history.

To do so much, just for honor's sake-

I truly enjoyed detesting Darcy, and did him a thousand times more injury than he ever did me-abusing him openly, even to Wickham! The lowest of men! I, who boasted of my discernment! Until this moment I never knew myself. I have been so-

Blind? What will you do?

There is nothing to do. If I were to see Mr. Darcy, I might apologize to him for being-being-so-

Blind?

Yes, well--But, I never shall see him again. So.

So. I know something of that. Here we are. Two suitable matches lost. Two imperfect old maids. It isn't so bad, is it? We'll see.

Do you wish to make him the laughingstock of the world?

Mamma, Lady Catherine De Bourgh...

Your Shrubbery, Then. I will give Elizabeth Bennet time for reflection. And you and I shall Discuss Matters Privately.

Come! Come Come Come!

Lizzy? What is happening?

What do you mean? (mary shock)

Oh God Mary PLEASE STOP DOING THAT

What is happening?

Mary, go and tell whomever it is that we have had quite enough excitement for today!!

It's for you, Jane.

-This cannot be for me.

Oh, yes it is. It's for YOU, ISN'T IT? ALL FOR EVERYBODY ELSE. Because for always, for everywhere, forever, EVERYBODY PLAYS! BUT! ME!

Mr. Darcy, I beg your pardon-you cannot be calling on me.

Bingley. Speak!

Who wants to go for a walk?

So it can't always be wordless, Lizzy. Not always faultless.

Come, sir. Comecomecome.

Aunt Catherine.

Mamma?

Mamma!

Mary! (leave)

MR. BENNET!

Lizzy?