F - Attraction and Intimacy

Ostracism

acts of excluding or ignoring people; an ostracized person shows deficits in brain mechanisms that inhibit unwanted behavior.

Proximity

Geographical nearness; functional distance powerfully predicts liking.

Interaction

Even more significant than geographic distance is “functional distance” - how often people’s paths cross.

True

T or F: When repeated exposure to and interaction with someone, our infatuation may fix on almost anyone who has roughly similar characteristics and who reciprocates our affection.

Anticipation of Interaction

Proximity enables people to discover commonalities and exchange rewards. But merely anticipating interaction also boosts liking.

Mere Exposure Effect

The tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them.

ex. A song that initially feels neutral or annoying may become a favorite after being played on the radio multiple times.

Physical attractiveness

Attractive wives led to happier husbands, but attractive husbands had less effect on wives’ happiness.

Matching Phenomenon

The tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits.

Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype

The presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well; “What beautiful is good.”

The Attractiveness of Those We Love

The more in love a woman is with a man, the more physically attractive she finds him. And the more in love people are, the less attractive they find all others of the opposite sex.

True

T or F: Likeness begets liking. Over and over again, they found that the more similar someone’s attitudes are to your own, the more you will like the person.

False consensus bias

Assuming that others share our attitudes. We also tend to see those we like as being like us.

Complementarity

The popularly supposed tendency, in a relationship between two people, for each to complete what is missing in the other.

Flattery

This will get you somewhere but not everywhere. If precise clearly violates what we know is true, we may lose respect for the flatterer and wonder whether the compliment springs from ulterior motives.

True

T or F: We often perceive criticism to be more sincere than praise.

Ingratiation

The use of strategies, such as flattery, by which people seek to gain another’s favor.

False — idealized

T or F: The happiest dating and married couples were those who did not idealize each other, who even saw their partners more positively than their partners saw themselves.

Reward Theory of Attraction

The theory that we like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events.

True

T or F: Proximity is rewarding, and we like attractive people because we perceive that they offer other desirable traits because we benefit by associating with them.

True

T or F: We especially like people if we have successfully converted them to our way of thinking, and we like to be liked and love to be loved.

Some elements of love that are common to all loving relationships:

• Mutual understanding

• Giving and receiving support

• Enjoying the loved one’s company

Passionate Love

A state of intense longing for union with another. These lovers are absorbed in each other, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s love, and are disconsolate on losing it.

Romantic Love

Intimacy + Passion

Compassionate Love

Intimacy + Commitment

Fatuous Love

Passion + Commitment

Theory of Passionate Love

Proponents of the two-factor theory of emotion, developed by Stanley Schachter and Jerome Singer, argue that when the revved-up men responded to a woman, they easily misattributed some of their own arousal to her.

Passionate love = lust + attachment

Love is also a social phenomenon. Love is more than lust, notes Ellen Berscheid. Supplement sexual desire with a deepening friendship and the result is romantic love.

Companionate Love

If a close relationship is to endure, it will settle into a steadier but still warm afterglow called ____.

Passion-facilitating hormones

1. Testosterone

2. Dopamine

3. Adrenaline

Oxytocin

Hormone that supports feelings of attachment and trust

Attachment

a deep, enduring emotional bond between individuals, primarily developed between infants and caregivers to ensure security, protection, and survival.

Attachment Styles

1. Secure Attachment

2. Avoidant Attachment

3. Anxious Attachment

Secure Attachment

Attachments rooted in trust and marked by intimacy.

Avoidant Attachment (Insecure Attachment)

Attachments marked by discomfort over, or resistance to, being close to others.

Anxious Attachment (Insecure attachment)

Attachments marked by anxiety or ambivalence.

Equity

A condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it.

Self-disclosure

We discover this delicious experience in a good marriage or a close friendship — a relationship where trust displaces anxiety and where we are free to open ourselves without fear of losing the other’s affection.

Disclosure Reciprocity

The tendency for one person’s intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner.

True

T or F: Couples who engaged in mutual prayer felt more unity and trust with their partner. Among believers, shared prayer from the heart is a humbling, intimate, soulful exposure. Those who pray together also more often say they discussed their marriages together, respect their spouses, and rate their spouses as skilled lovers.

Divorce

the legal dissolution of a marriage, terminating the legal duties and responsibilities of the union.

Detachment Process

• Shocked parents and friends

• Guilt over broken vows

• Anguish over reduced household income

• Possibly less time with children