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Basic hostility
Child’s anger toward parents when needs for love and security are unmet (e.g., domination, neglect, rejection)
basic anxiety
Feeling of helplessness, isolation, and insecurity in a hostile world due to repressed hostility.
affection
submissiveness
striving for power, prestige, and posession
withdrawal
4 protective mechanism
protective mechanism against basic anxiety : affection
seeking love and approval, people pleasers
protective mechanism against basic anxiety: submissiveness
yielding to others for safety
protective mechanism against basic anxiety: power, prestige, and possession
Gaining control to feel secure.
protective mechanism against basic anxiety: withdrawal
Emotional detachment to avoid being hurt.
neurotic needs: affection and approval
Need to please everyone; avoid conflict.
nurotic needs: powerful partner
Seeks protection in a dominant person.
neurotic needs: restrict life within one’s narrow border
Stays unnoticed; avoids demands.
neurotic needs: power
Controls others to prevent weakness.
neurotic needs: exploit others
Uses others for gain; fears being used.
neurotic needs: social recognition
Craves admiration, fame, or importance.
neurotic needs: personal admiration
Needs validation for who they “are.” not what they are
neurotic needs: ambition & achievement
Compulsively strives to be best.
neurotic needs: self-sufficiency & independence
Avoids relying on anyone.
neurotic needs: perfection and unassailability
Aims to be flawless, fears mistakes.
affection and approval
powerful partner
restrict life within narrow border
power
exploit others
social recognition
personal admiration
ambition & achievement
self-sufficiency and independence
perfection and unassailability
10 neurotic needs
moving towards people
moving against people
moving away from people
3 neurotic trends
1⃣ Moving Toward People (Compliant)
Toward
Seeks love & protection
AfPaRe
Friendly, loving
2⃣ Moving Against People (Aggressive)
Against
Seeks control & power
PESocreAdAmach
Competitive, assertive
3⃣ Moving Away from People (Detached)
Away
Seeks independence & peace
SeIPU
Autonomous, serene
🌟 IDEALIZED SELF-IMAGE
Definition: A false, perfect version of oneself created to escape feelings of inadequacy.
Purpose: To cope with basic anxiety and feel powerful or lovable.
Result: Creates conflict between real self vs. idealized self, leading to self-hatred.
1⃣ Neurotic Search for Glory
2⃣ Neurotic Claims
3⃣ Neurotic Pride
3 aspects of idealized self-image
Neurotic search for glory
Unrealistic drive to realize the ideal self. Includes:
• Need for perfection (“I should be flawless”)
• Neurotic ambition (obsession to be best)
• Vindictive triumph (success to humiliate others)
neurotic claims
Sense of entitlement — belief that others “owe” them special treatment.
Example: feeling justified to skip lines or break rules.
neurotic pride
False pride in ideal self; fragile and defensive.
Seeks admiration, avoids criticism, and depends on validation.
self-hatred
Definition: Deep dislike of the real self for failing to match the ideal self.
Result: Cycle of guilt, shame, and worthlessness.
Root Cause: The gap between reality and the unattainable “glorious self.”
1⃣ Relentless Demands on the Self
2⃣ Merciless Self-Accusation
3⃣ Self-Contempt
4⃣ Self-Frustration
5⃣ Self-Torment
6⃣ Self-Destructive Impulses
6 main ways self-hatred shows up
1⃣ Relentless Demands on the Self
“Tyranny of the shoulds” — never feeling good enough despite success.
2⃣ Merciless Self-Accusation
Harsh guilt/blame, feeling like a fraud or imposter.
3⃣ Self-Contempt
Belittling oneself; rejecting achievements as “luck.”
4⃣ Self-Frustration
Denying joy or success (“I don’t deserve it”).
5⃣ Self-Torment
Creating suffering intentionally or inviting mistreatment.
6⃣ Self-Destructive Impulses
Reckless, sabotaging behavior, or suicidal tendencies.
horney’s psychotherapy
Root Problem: Neuroses stem from basic conflicts formed in childhood and reinforced by rigid neurotic trends.
Goal:
Help patients grow toward self-realization.
Encourage them to relinquish their idealized self-image and accept the real self.
Patient’s Resistance:
Neurotics believe their coping style (“love,” “freedom,” or “power”) is healthy, making change difficult.
They desire relief but unconsciously cling to behaviors that sustain neurosis.