Marriage & Family

What is Godly love?

A choice. Unwavering decision. Does what’s in the other person’s best interest

What are the results of Godly love?

Emotional attachment & feelings. Passion & physical desire for only our person. Unselfish giving. Accepting the new person I am in Christ.

What is love like?

(1 Corinthians 13) Love is patient, kind, generous, humble, loyal, unselfish, does not envy

Mature love vs romantic love

Mature love endures. Romantic love is self-focused, focused on the immediate, does not endure.

How did God create you? (Genesis 1:27)

Created as sexual beings; in His image; male and female

What is the Biblical view of Gender?

Determined at conception; binary; biological factors determine gender; is not a choice; Bible affirms the value and dignity of the human body

What is the post-modern view of gender?

Oppressive; not a fixed attribute; indefinable, fluid, non-binary; not determined at conception; mental trait, not determined by biology; personal choice; social construct

Why is pornography not only sinful but also dangerous?

It leads to desensitization and unrealistic expectations; causes sexual dysfunction; behavioral addiction and bondage; rewires the brain, craving for more dopamine

What is Biblical change?

It is not the absence of struggles but the freedom to chose holiness in the midst of our struggles

What is same-sex attraction?

The result of our brokenness - we are born as sinners in a fallen world with predispositions to sin; it is a temptation (temptation alone is not sin, how you respond to the temptation is your choice and may become sin)

Regardless of our sexual feelings, what are all of us called to?

Holiness; Live in obedience to His word

Compare the post-modern view of gender vs the Biblical view of gender

Society says gender is oppressive; the Bible affirms the value and dignity of the human body

What are the most important considerations for Christian dating?

Is your friend a committed Christian?; is your dating aligned with God’s purposes?; does your friend / partner bring you closer to God?; Is their faith genuine?; are you one spiritually?

What are the characteristics of healthy dating?

Both are committed to God first; both accept responsibility for themself; neither is willing to compromise God’s standards; both are willing to keep healthy boundaries & confront wrong behavior

Warning signs of unhealthy dating

Direct / indirect lying; one-sided relationships; avoiding controversial topics; allowing rude behavior; not taking responsibility; having a hard time keeping physical limits; not praying or reading the Bible together

What do I do if I was lied to by my dating partner?

Confront it!; look at the reason and address the issue (fear is not an excuse); is there true genuine repentance?; was there a change and is it being sustained?

What should always preclude dating?

Friendship; prayer; seeking advice from a mentor; setting your own boundaries and goals

What are healthy boundaries?

Form of self-care; self respect and respect for others; accepting responsibility for my own actions; not letting others dissuade my own values; focusing on my own growth and not letting things hinder it; preferring others but not allowing them to manipulate you; clear communication of expectations

How can you maintain purity while dating?

avoid circumstances that might lead to sexual temptation; don’t spend too much time alone; have accountability partners; limit physical and emotional intimacy; prefer your partner and honor them by helping them keep their boundary

Engagement: know each other deeper - what should you consider during this stage?

Where will you live? family and children? budget and living expenses; love languages; weakness & strengths; interests; future goals; relationship with God individually and together; roles for husband and wife

What is a family and what role does it play?

A family is a basic unit of society; it provides life-giving support and care; impacts our personality; forms our faith and view of God; helps shape good or bad habits; instills work ethics of lack of it; shares resources and responsibilities; has a commitment to each other over time

Two opposed views of marriage: God-centered vs self-centered

God-centered view: considers what makes God happy; how to serve my spouse; how to love my spouse as God loves them; focuses on forgiveness and reconciliation

Self-centered view: what makes me happy; my rights and what I deserve; whether my spouse is a loving person; demands an apology first

Three crucial elements of a good marriage:

Communication, commitment, compromise

What is marriage from a Biblical perspective?

Covenantal union that creates the framework and conditions for emotional, physical, and spiritual oneness

Characteristics of Godly marriage

The most intimate relationship; should reflect our wholehearted relationship with God; should reflect the greatest level of closeness and intimacy; exclusive relationship that requires faithfulness and fidelity; permanent; establishes a framework for mutual support and care

The primary purpose of marriage

To demonstrate to the world the love of God for the church; companionship; procreation; to teach us to love someone else with selfless, unconditional love - based on an unbreakable covenant

The primary purpose of sex in marriage

Procreation; union and seal of covenant - oneness

Our primary identity as humans

We are made in the image of God; we are the bearers of God’s image, and we are His children

Our secondary identity

we are created as male and female

Why did God design gender uniqueness?

to make the marriage union; to help each other become holier; to cause each gender to rely on one another; to strengthen each other (each gender has its own strengths and weaknesses)

What does a divorce do from a Biblical point of view?

breaks the covenant; destroys the union created by God; causes suffering to the whole familiy

What should be the primary priorities in our lives (name the 4 discussed in class)

God; my spouse; my children; ministry / work / school

Name a few aspects that will help you “keep the flames burning”

Not lacking in diligence, best effort, eagerness; do it as unto the Lord - with all your heart; pray together, seek God together and alone, have a strong relationship with God; Romance with your spouse; remind yourself that you are ONE team

What is communication vs effective communication?

communication is sharing information

effective communication is more intentional; making sure you get the news across maturely and properly; received; seeks feedback and ensures proper understanding

Types of communication

Verbal; non-verbal; written; visual

What is essential for all types of communication?

Active listening, observing, and empathizing!

The 7C’s of effective communication

Clarity, conciseness, concreteness, correctness (correct terminology), consideration, completeness, courtesy

How do I communicate effectively?

consider the temperament of your audience (what age, different reactions, understanding) (know your audience)

Plan your approach: how to engage the other person; how to deliver the information; how does the person process information; adjust your approach based on your situation (observe the receiver); know your end goal; it’s not about you!

Hindrances to effective communication

Talking too much; the focus is on being heard rather than connecting with the receiver and delivering information; a different understanding of key terms and phrases (define your terms); not listening!; pride

Why is listening essential for effective communication?

“listening is the golden key to human relationships”; it enhances your understanding of the audience; it builds trust and establishes rapport; it helps us connect; we understand the other more with genuine listening as we put ourselves in their shoes

Difference between ordinary and genuine listening

Ordinary listening: focused on me - what will I respond while the other person is talking?

Genuine listening: listen from a frame of reference; listen to their underlying need; put yourself in their shoes

What is conflict?

A disagreement, opposing interests, views or principles

What is the primary purpose of conflict?

To refine us; to produce endurance; to become more humble; to recognize the need for God; to learn to trust God and give Him glory; to grow and mature

What are the results of unresolved conflict?

Resentment; increases stress and anxiety; creates division; may cause spouses to drift apart; Erodes trust

How to resolve conflicts?

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy!”

Actively listen; define the issue and stick to it; determine the underlying need; make the resolution of the conflict your priority; focus on the timing of the discussion; be ready to ask for forgiveness and grant it quickly as well! offer grace and seek reconciliation

Biblical view on children

Psalm 127:3, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

What are the primary responsibilities of Godly parents?

Teach them about God and train them in His ways; Be their Christ-like role model; love them unconditionally; nurture and empower them (observe your child and know them- be there for them); pray for them

What is discipline, and what is its purpose?

Discipline is wise and consistent; correction of disobedience or rebellion; MUST ALWAYS BE ACCOMPANIED BY LOVE

Purpose: development and training; healthy growth; hate for evil; love for good; respect for Godly

Characteristics of Biblical discipline, as discussed in class

is combined with clear communication (the child must know what was wrong and why it was wrong); must be balanced and fair

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

¹Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging symbol.

²And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing

³And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing

⁴Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself; is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is no provoked, thinks no evil;

⁶Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things

⁸Love never fails!