Still Life with Iris - Gretta Good

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GROTTO GOOD. Shouldn’t they be here? It’s nearly one o’clock.

I must tell you, a terrifying thing just happened to me.

GROTTO GOOD. What was it, my dear?

I found a second earring. It was just lying there, next to this one.

GROTTO GOOD. My good, wat did you do?

I threw it away, instantly.

GROTTO GOOD. Of, thank good.

It set me back, I must tell you. A shock like that.

GROTTO GOOD. …I needn’t be nervous about meeting a little girl.

We’ll be fine, Grotto dear. We’ve chosen the best of the best.

GROTTO GOOD. …And what if she says something to me?

(Shrugs “I don’t know.”)

GROTTO GOOD (still smiling). And now I am finished. (Turns to his wife) Gretta?

You must forgive my husband. He’s never spoken to a little girl before. You are the first to arrive on Great Island.

IRIS. I see.

But you are welcome here, Iris. More than welcomed, you are teasured.

GROTTO GOOD. And now you will be our greatest of goods.

IRIS. …

Have you nothing to say?

IRIS. Umm… thank you…

And?

GROTTO GOOD. Oh, my.

You are wearing the finest shoe under the sky. Have you looked at it?

IRIS. Just a little more comfortable, so I can—

Iris.

IRIS. Yes, Mother Good?

There are no other shoes for you. We have only whats best on Great Island, and to ensure the value and importance of each item, we have only one of everything. (To OTHERGUY) Bring her something to drink.

GROTTO GOOD. Isn’t it a beauty?

So, you see, Iris, that is why you have only one shoe.

GROTTO GOOD. It is now in the Tunnel of the UnWanted.

(Sees that IRIS’ drink is ready). Oh here we are. Thirsty?

IRIS. This is all the water you have?

It’s all we need. For, at daybreak, another perfect drop will arrive. There’s a land near here, where they work all night to see to our pleasure each day.

GROTTO GOOD. So, drink up!

(Audible sigh, blissful) Perfect, isn’t it?

IRIS. I guess.

Now, Iris, we’ve heard you have a gift for finding this. Is that true?

IRIS. What exactly do you do here?

We enjoy our goods in the greatest of ways.

GROTTO GOOD. Certainly not.

But we are ever on the lookout for flaws. We mustn’t let anything that is not the BEST invade Great Island. (Sees IRIS’ pouch) Like this for example. What is the meaning of this old pouch?

GROTTO GOOD. There are no other girls, Iris. You’re the only one here.

Mister Otherguy, show Iris her toy box.

IRIS. There’s no one else to play with?

We’re still searching for a little boy.

IRIS. I’m not perfect.

(Look at GROTTO). Really?

GROTTO GOOD. Enjoy your toys, Iris!

And if you find anything that is not the BEST of is kind—

GROTTO GOOD. We’ll discard it and replace it immediately!

A great good pleasure to meet you!

VOICE OF GROTTO GOOD. OH, IRIS!

VOICE. WE HAVE YOUR NEW TOYBOX!

GROTTO GOOD. Here we are!

Iris?

GROTTO GOOD. She must be with Matternot. We’ll leave it here and surprise her.

I’m so proud of her, Grotto. She found fault with something! She’s become a Good through and through.

GROTTO GOOD. Look at that—it’s an abomination! Away with it this instant!

Ah, there you are.

GROTTO GOOD. In with the best, out with the rest.

Is Iris with you?

MISTER MATTERNOT. No. I left her right here.

That’s impossible.

GROTTO GOOD. Gretta.

What? (GROTTO lifts up the shoe) Oh, my good.

GROTTO GOOD. I fear she’s escaped.

Escaped? But where would she go?

GROTTO GOOD. Every inch of the island must be searched.

Well, don’t just stand there— (with GROTTO) START SEARCHING!

GROTTO GOOD. Well, here we are—gathered and assembled and brought together in the very midst of each other—right now, presently, at this time. Gretta?

(To MATTERNOT). The shoe. (He puts it on IRIS’ foot.) We’re glad to see it restored to your foot, Iris. And as for your clothes which became quite disheveled during your maladventure on the beach—a tailor is on his way to the island to sew you a new, best outfit.

GROTTO GOOD. You, young man, will be staying with us.

We’ve been looking for a little boy.

GROTTO GOOD. And we think you’ll do nicely.

And you wont be needing this—

GROTTO GOOD. Not now, son.

(To ANNABEL LEE). And as for you, Miss Lee, the numbers are not in your favor. For, you see, we already have a girl Great Island.

GROTTO GOOD. And you’ve succeeded. Now—

You’ll be shown to the Tunnel.

GROTTO GOOD. Perhaps we can make room for you in the Tunnel.

Off with you, now!

GROTTO GOOD. And now we are here, a FAMILY at last!

Do you like spaghetti?

IRIS. (Whispered) I told you.

What a special treat it is to welcome our new son!

GROTTO GOOD. The newest of our Goods!

Your father and I want you to know that you mean the world to us, and we shall provide for your every happiness here on Great Island. A tailor will mesure you for your new, best clothing.

GROTTO GOOD. A perfect room shall be prepared for you.

And, we shall employ the best piano teacher in the world to come and give you lessons.

IRIS. Motes doesn’t need a piano teacher. He’s pretty good at it already!

He is not a “Pretty good.” Nor are you, Iris, a “Pretty Good.” We are-all of us—Great Goods. And that must never be forgotten.

IRIS. Mister Matternot told us about it. He said—

Miser Matternot will be reprimanded.

GROTTO GOOD. Because—

Because—

GROTTO GOOD. Because…

…you’re afraid of the Tunnel.

IRIS. I am?

(With GROTTO) Yes.

IRIS. So, I’ve been there before?

Yes. Many times—when you were younger.

GROTTO GOOD. I think you know that three chairs would be out of the question.

Yes, now lets—

GROTTO GOOD. It’s time to play the piano, son.

A great good idea.

GROTTO GOOD. …You must do what you are asked when you are asked to do it.

Ah, the delight of a castle above us and our family around us, and now, the sweet caress of music, like water from a distant well, filling our—

GROTTO GOOD. Oh, my.

Oh, my good.

IRIS. I told you he was pretty good!

Great good son—(with GROTTO) STOP THIS INSTANT!

MOZART. What is it, Mother Good?

Grotto?

GROTTO GOOD. I knew you would. (MOZART plays the same phrase)

(With GROTTO, firmly, not angry). No, son.

GROTTO GOOD. Quiet, Iris.

You are very talented, my son. This talent gives you many choices.

MOZART. Make one what?

Make one choice.

MOZART. One note?

(With GROTTO) Yes.

MOZART. And only one? Surely you’re joking!

(With GROTTO) No.

MOZART. What if i gave you one and kept the rest?

(Shake head, “no”) Now, our great good son, we are ready.

MOZART. But may I say, that is not music. Music is the sound of many things coming together.

We await your note.

IRIS. This island is not great—it is small.

Iris!

GROTTO GOOD. You must be silent.

And you must choose.

GROTTO GOOD. (Whisper) Oh, the expectation!

(Whisper). Quiet!

(Simultaneously) Oh, my good…

(Simultaneously) Yes, that’s it.

MOZART. Are you pleased?

(With GROTTO) Oh, yes. (Alone) Shall we hear it again?

GROTTO GOOD. Do you think we dare?

Yes, let’s do!

MISTER HIMTOO. Master Good, the tailor has arrived.

We require measurements of our new son—

IRIS. How do you know my name?

Yes, that is—in fact— our daughter, Iris.

GROTTO GOOD. And beyond saying her name—you will say nothing more. Do you understand.

There is a place for people who speak more than they should. Do you know of it? Splendid. We have an understanding.

MEMORY MENDER. Well, Iris, where we—where I come from our memories are—

Your memory is perfect, Iris. It holds nothing but the best of thoughts.

GROTTO GOOD. The mind plays tricks!

That’s it!

GROTTO GOOD. Tricks and nothing more!

(Firmly) Tell her.

IRIS. I want him to answer me!

Iris—

GROTTO GOOD. Afraid of him?!

Don’t be silly—

IRIS. He’s a common tailor—or so you said—why wont you let him answer me?

He will answer you—

MEMORY MENDER. Well, yes, but I—

We expect the garment to be the best of the best.

IRIS. Goodbye.

And now, son, before supper, why don’t you play us another note?

GROTTO GOOD. You may not ask. You may not ask it at all.

You were given a task, Matternot. You were told to bring us a little girl and make certain that she felt at home.

GROTTO GOOD. To the contrary—this girl, Iris, has grown curious bout her Before-Good life.

You have displeased us—

GROTTO GOOD. It’s no longer your concern.

We’ve found a fine place for her.

IRIS. Who was she? Tell me.

Your life is here with us, Iris.

IRIS. …but I don’t. I wish I was one of them.

(Simultaneously) Don’t say that— (Iris, that’s enough—)

IRIS. I want you to take me to that room!

(Simultaneously) Put it out of your mind. (But, Iris, I—)

IRIS. Let go of me—

You will be the glory of Great Island!

MISTER MATTERNOT. You can’t do this. You must tell her—you must tell her the truth!

Had you done your job well, this could have been avoided—

IRIS. No—please don’t do this—

But now she must pay for your mistakes—

MSITER MATTERNOT. No, no it was the Goods who—

What is all the motion and commotion?!

MISTER MATTERNOT. …All these years— I had no idea!

(Simultaneously) What’s there? (What is that)

MISTER MATTERNOT. Coats. Look at all of them!

We’ve given each of them a Great Good life.

MISTER MATTERNOT. You’ve ripped the past from each and every one of us!

You’ve been given an order, Mister Otherguy—

MISTER MATTERNOT. Soon everyone will know!

(Simultaneously) MATTERNOT— (NO—)

GROTTO GOOD. You wouldn’t dare!

Grotto, dear, what will become of us?!