Proximate Preparation for Marriage

Dating

There is no one specifically Catholic understanding of dating. Dating is not mentioned in the Bible or in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Neither the Church Fathers nor recent popes have talked about dating. 

DATING IN GENERAL

Western Culture

Marriage is typically preceded by a period of dating. Dating is, in its broader sense, getting to know someone and letting them get to know you so that you can decide whether you are interested in spending more time together.

DATING IN GENERAL

Philippine Context

Dating, courtship, and engagement are passages of marriage between the couples to see and exercise due diligence for the proper and acceptable progression of love before transcending it into a lifetime relationship. 

TWO KINDS OF DATING

Casual Dating

Typically nonexclusive, that is, one or both of the individuals may also have dating relationships with other people.

TWO KINDS OF DATING

Committed Dating

Much more serious than casual dating and is normally perceived as an exclusive relationship. 

COURTSHIP

An act of seeking to gain love or affection with a view toward marriage. A personal and mutual commitment of two people willing to investigate the possibility of marriage, which presupposes the possibility of an actual mature love relationship that will lead to engagement.”

COURTSHIP

It is an intentional and purposeful process carried out with marriage as the ultimate goal. It assumes and requires age-readiness for marriage while dating does not. It presupposes the possibility of an actual mature love relationship that will lead to engagement hence a personal and mutual commitment of two people willing to investigate the possibility of marriage. 

THREE PHASES OF COURTSHIP

Exploration

To enter the this phase of courtship is to acknowledge that marriage is a possibility but not a promise. The basic purpose of this phase is to allow the couple to explore and discover their own emotions beyond that of simple friendship.

THREE PHASES OF COURTSHIP

Confirmation

The couple gets to know each other more deeply. The couple learns lessons of give and take, overcoming frustrations, and handling jealousies, insecurities, misunderstandings, tenderness, and the exaltation of the other.

THREE PHASES OF COURTSHIP

Pledging

The time when a new community is created deep in the soul. During this phase of emotional maturation, the image of marriage is exchanged for reality. There is absolute solidarity of thinking and feelings toward each other. An engagement ring is appropriate, along with a public announcement of the intentions of the couple to be married in the future.

COURTSHIP STAGE IS WHERE ONE LEARNS TO: FIRST

Imbibe the virtues that are necessary for sustaining a healthy and life-long relationship

COURTSHIP STAGE IS WHERE ONE LEARNS TO: SECOND

Make sacrifices for the other by practicing self denial and mastery of one's sexual urges. 

COURTSHIP STAGE IS WHERE ONE LEARNS TO: THIRD

Give the other the best chance in life, provide for their future children’s upbringing, and lead each other to heaven. 

FOUR BASIC POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN DATING

Know Your Intentions

Dating is a time to learn more about yourself through a relationship with others. It is a time to see what qualities you need and like in others. When not limiting yourself to a certain type you will discover new and valuable aspects of each person. 

FOUR BASIC POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN DATING

Stick to Your Boundaries

Communication is an important factor in any relationship but especially a dating one. One must be honest about one’s own intentions. All relationships need boundaries. A boundary for a practicing Catholic is chastity, refraining from sexual activity before marriage. Doing this helps build intimacy within the relationship without having sex.

FOUR BASIC POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN DATING

Have Fun

Dating is fun if you enter into it with the mentality of enjoying the present moment. When you start to date someone, take the time to get to know them. Rushing into a serious relationship can add too much pressure. Just enjoy the time you have with that person in the present moment; tomorrow will take care of itself. Some fun date ideas include museums, art galleries, bowling, “malling”, movies, dinner and parks.

Engagement (Good Reasons and Value of an Engagement Period)

It is a time for the couples to begin the serious planning of their lives together. Important questions need to be settled at this time, such as: how will they be able to provide for the economic needs of the family, where will they live, and how will they care for their children.

The Final Testing time before couple gets married

To get to know the person, the couples need to be in a relaxed situation with friends and families so all can get better acquainted and see how they fit in with each other’s friends and family.

The time to learn to get along with each other more seriously

It would help if you talked about a lot of things. You need to know how you still feel about the other person when you disagree on some fundamental life issues. It probably would help if you got in an argument to see how you would deal with strong disagreement.

The time to see one another as they are

In dating, there is an effort to show your best self. It will help if you get to know your spouse for who he/she is. Many had married too quickly before they knew the person and found out too late that they had married the wrong person. 

The time to get better acquainted with family and friends

It is great to be with that person you feel that you love dearly, but you also need to be around their friends and family. Make plans where this will happen often. Evaluate each other’s friends and family. 

Caution is necessary so that neither shame or regret is caused

During this time, conduct yourselves well, do not take chances of being alone too much or too often that allows strong temptations. A mistake in judgment may happen, but it will require more significant effort to regain the trust—not only from your future spouse but from friends and family also.

Calling off the marriage when one or both realize that it is a mistake

The engagement period is a testing period. You are not yet married. You should not act and conduct your associations as though you are married. If after sufficient time elapses, one or both feel it is a mistake—there is no shame in calling off the wedding plans.