I Quit Lines

LOLA: Quiet. Here she comes.

Okay. Who are we celebrating?

DORIS: Lola.

Okay, but just a reminder, vanilla and single chocolate are the only approved flavors. And absolutely, under no conditions may anyone’s ages be discussed. Carry on, but at a reasonable volume. Oh, and happy birthday, Lola.

LOLA: It’s not my birthday.

What are you talking about?

LOLA: My birthday was two months ago.

Okay, well then this appears to be an unauthorized expression of joy and/or personality. And does that box say it’s from Pizzarello's? They’re not an approved vendor.

LOLA: I got it with my own money

Well, then the sharing of personal food items needs to be accompanied with a signed waiver by each staff member who will consume the unauthorized food.

LOLA: Just read the cake.

Phyllis, I quit. Now take this unauthorized cake and.

MARTY: I believe it says-

I can read what it says, Marty!

LOLA: I wished that someone would finally tell Phyllis that most of her meetings should just be emails, that “reply all” should be used judiciously, and that her breath smells.

Okay, none of this is even remotely sanctioned. You can’t simply quit with a cake. You must submit your resignation in writing.

LOLA: I did.

No, but in writing means via email or a printed letter. Not on a cake.

LOLA: There’s no rule that says that. I checked.

But there are policies and I I need to consult the employee manual!