Percy Jackson Lines - Charon

Percy: Yeah, who knew the lobby of the underworld would be so…

Charon: Dead? Going down?

Annabeth:…We need to get to Hades.

Charon: You don’t look dead. Read the sign. No soliciting, no loitering, no living.

Annabeth: All three of us.

Charon: Big bathtub. Passage across the River Styx isn’t free. With adults, I usually charge their credit card or add the ferry price to their last cable bill. But children… They never die prepared.

(Annabeth hands Charon drachmas)

Gold drachmas. Y’all are half-bloods.

Annabeth: Is that a problem?

Charon: Not at all. You know, the ferryman thing is just a day job. My real passion is music. Do you wanna hear my demo?

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover: Um-

Charon: I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over this sweet-ass riff.

Percy: Was that Freddie Mercury?

Charon: I tried playing it for some producers but they told me the music industry is dead. I told them “So are you.” Then I dropped them in the Fields of Punishment. It’s right over there.

(Screaming.)

Charon: Maybe death metal isn’t your genre? We have all the greats down here. Mozart, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobaun. Who do you feel like listening to?

Grover: Do you have any Josh Groban?

Charon: We will. Eventually.

Mozart: (singing) It’s hades who runs the show.

Charon:Oh look, the Vienna boy’s choir. They crashed their bus on the way to sing for the Vatican.

Percy: They’re kids

Charon: They’re lucky. Their voices will never change now.

Charon: (singing) You’re dead!

Charon: Who’s got two turn tables, and three sick heads? Everyone give it up for DJ Cerberus!

All: (singing) D.O.A

Charon: Enjoy eternity.