10 - Social relationships

Is a desire to have relationships inborn?

Yep

A need to belong is a basic human motive, same with a desire to have social contact and have rewarding relationships

A good network of social ties predicts health happiness and high self esteem

Process of forming close relationships

1) first time encounter + initial attraction
- ppl are attracted to ppl who can make them feel rewarded

2) Courtship → process of falling in love

3) Enter a formal and committed relationship

Factors that affect attraction

1) Physical proximity & frequency of contact

ppl are more likely to fall in love w someone they see often/live close by (exposure effect)

2) physical attractiveness

attractive faces capture attention, human bias for beauty, everyone likes hot people

3) Similarity 
Same demographic, lvl of attractiveness, opinions, experiences, personality

Why r we attracted to hot ppl?

• Beauty is used to turn heads and capture attention, can be used as a social resource to be more convincing

• Convincing ppl are usually likeable

What does a beautiful face look like?

Subjective, but generally symmetrical faces are considered pretty.

Two stage model of attraction

We first avoid dissimilar others, then approach similar others for continued contact

Partner preferences

Women → older, financially resourceful men (supportive)

Men → young and pretty (fertile)

Components of courtship

Scoping the potential, Communicating romantic intent, contact 

Stimulus Value Role theory

We progress thru 3 stages to develop a relationship

• Stimulus → attraction to someone

• Attachment → Value (assessing compatibility by comparing values/beliefs)

• Role → Commitment (deciding what roles to assume into in the relationship)

Social Exchange theory

economic model of human behaviour
Ø people as motivated to maximize benefits and minimize costs in their relationships with others
Ø relationships that provide more rewards and fewer costs will be more satisfying and endure longer

Commitment

Made up of relationship satisfaction, investment minus quality level of alternative situations

Is a transformation of motivation bc instead of indivdual outcomes we r striving for a joint outcome

Commitment leads to relationship maintenance mechanisms, eg accomodations and willingness to sacrifice

Equity theory

Theory that explains how social exchanges operates in relationships through a ratio

Your benefits/contributions = partner benefits/contributions

can be overbenefited/underbenefited

Exchange relationship

characterized by an immediate reciprocal repayment of benefits

In these situations, people want costs to be quickly offset by compensation,

leaving the balance at zero (very calculative)

Communal relationship

partners respond to each other’s needs and wellbeing over time and in different ways

without regard too much for whether they have given or received a benefit

Attachment

Secure → don’t worry too much about others being dependent on me or me being dependent on others. Easy to get along w others and i dont really fear being abandoned

Insecure-avoidant → Feels uncomfortable getting close to others, cant trust lovers completely and cant rlly depend on them

Insecure- anxious → Ppl don’t get close as I like, i fear abandonment and that my lover doesnt love me, strong desire for love

How are attachments formed

Experiences with attachment figure → form scripts → scripts build into internal working models → become stable and form attachments

Sternberg’s triarchic theory of love

Passion Intimacy and Commitment

Gottman’s 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

Criticism, contempt (degrading), defensiveness, stonewalling 

Demand withdrawal pattern of communication

Partner makes a demand and other partner withdrawals from situation, associated with negative marital outcomes

Negative reciprocity

One partner responds to another partner with the same or increased levels of negativity, get stuck in toxic cycle instead of finding a way to resolve negativity