Reading Quiz 4 Couples Counseling

Gottman-Rapoport Conflict Blueprint

This intervention is a prescriptive way of teaching couples to deal with conflict (to use in session and out of session) where couples take turns as the speaker and listener

Not solving the problem yet

Role of the Speaker (Gottman-Rapoport Conflict Blueprint)

▫ Express feelings, thoughts

▫ State positive need

▫ "I" statements

Role of the Listener (Gottman-Rapoport Conflict Blueprint)

Listen with empathy, take notes

Reflect what you heard to partner's satisfaction

What is the inner circle of the compromise ovals?

Inflexible area

Core needs, values, dreams

What is the outer circle of the compromise ovals?

The flexible area

How to compromise to satisfy core needs

Start with inflexible area for both partners and overlap of those. Compromise to satisfy core needs. Find solution in the flexible area, compromising to move forward

Repair attempts are most effective when

done early, before interaction gets negative

emotion-based, self-disclosing

emphasize questions about emotions

emphasize that the relationship is ok

What to do to be a good listener

ask open ended questions

validate and communicate empathy

attune to feelings

What not to do to be a good listener

Ask why

Minimize, judge, criticize

Try to solve or give advice (in listening phase)

What is meta-emotion

How we think about emotion and expressions of emotions

What are the two points along the continuum of meta emotion?

Emotion dismissing and emotion exploring

What do emotion dismissing people do?

Don't notice emotion

Avoid negative feelings

Focus on the positive

What do emotion exploring people do?

Notice emotion

Patient with negative affect

Can label and empathize with emotions

True or false: 2 people with the same meta emotion (either 2 dismissing or 2 exploring) can do well together

True

Meta emotion mismatch

extreme differences between partners

both partners can end up frustrated

Emotion exploring with your partner

▫ Be aware of spouse's negative emotion

▫ See emotions as chance for connection

▫ Respond non-defensively

▫ Understand the emotional experience

▫ Empathize, support

How to protect kids from the conflict

raise children as either emotion exploring or emotion coaching

Raising kids as emotion exploring or coaching is associated with

self soothing and focus attention

higher academic achievement

fewer behavioral problems

better relationships

fewer illnesses

greater emotional intelligence

Emotion coaching

notice negative emotion

see negative affect as opportunity for connection or teaching

validate, empathize

help child label feelings

set clear limits on behavior, problem solve

Emotion dismissing parenting

don't notice emotion, not comfortable with negative emotion

little language for emotion

view negative affect as toxic

want a cheerful, happy child

believe negative affect is harmful

distract child to end negative affect quickly

What is the problem with emotion dismissing parenting?

Children grow up with the experience that negative emotion is bad. The message that everything should be positive is harmful to relationships; shouldn't turn away at any sign of conflict