Claudius's Unfortunate Event Translation

Et ille quidem animam ebullit et ex eo desiit esse. 

And that man indeed bubbled out his spirit and from him he ceased to be.

Exspiravit audem dum comoedos audit,

However he breathed out while he heard comedians,

ut scias me non sine causa illos timere. 

so that you may know that I fear them not without cause.

Ultima ex eius haec inter homines audita est,

These final words from him were heard among men,

cum maiorem sonitum emisset illa parte qua facilius loquebatur;

when he let out a greater sound from that part which he was speaking more easily;

“Vae me, puto, concacavi!”

“Woe is me, I think I pooped!”

Quod an fecerit,

Whether or not he did this I do not know,

 nescio-omnia certe concacavit!

He certainely pooped on all things!

O miser Claudie!

Oh miserable Claudius!