ps373 - sex & infidelity

Why is sex difficult to study?

Sex should never be directly observed; mostly reliant on self-report

Sexuality is the primary feature that…

Distinguishes romantic relationships from others!

Hookups

Sexual interactions with nonromantic partners that usually last one night and do not involve any expectation of a lasting relationship

For men and women, hookups usually result in…

Confusion or disappointment about 40% of the time

Primary differences in how men view sex… (3)

1. Hold more permissive sexual values and attitudes

2. Sex without love is okay

3. Usually regret things they didn’t do

Sexual double standard

When women’s sexual behaviour is judged more negatively than men’s, even when behaviours are similar

Why have attitudes toward gay sexuality improved? (2)

1. Gays and lesbians are more visible in public life

2. We understand same-sex sexuality much better

APA reasons why gay marriage is not ‘dangerous’

1. Operate in same manner as heterosexual relationships

2. Sexuality has nothing to do with one’s ability to parent well

3. Marriage is good for the gays too

Americans typically hold a more ____ view towards sex in comparison to many different countries

Conservative

The average age for first intercourse is ___, and 97% of people have sex ____

17; before they are married

Most teens find their first experience with sex to be…

Overall a positive experience

Why is having sex too early in a relationship bad for the relationship?

Couples who have sex too early become less satisfied and communicate more poorly faster; sex is better with more commitment!

Domains of sexual motivations

1. Emotional (ex. Communication of love)

2. Physical (ex. Pleasure)

3. Pragmatic (ex. Attaining a goal)

4. Insecurity (ex. Boost esteem)

The frequency that people have sex is influenced by

Nature and duration of the relationship

Married and cohabitating couples have sex ____ than those who are single

More often; cohabitating = 12.2x, married 6.5x a month

However, all couples are having ___ sex than our grandparents did

Less sex! 18x less!

Why do we have less sex?

Because of our phones and degrees

The average couple has more frequent sexual activity the first year of their relationship than they will ___

Ever have again

Extradyadic sex

Having sex outside the couple, with someone other than one’s partner (people really don’t like this)

In what kinds of couples cheat more?

Dating and cohabiting couples

Sociosexual orienations

The traitlike collections of beliefs and behaviours that describe our feelings about sex

‘Restricted’ sociosexual orientation

When one is generally willing to have sex only in a committed and affectionate relationship

‘Unrestricted’ sociosexual orientation

Those who do not seek much closeness and commitment before pursuing sex

Unrestricted women tend to look more…

Masculine, and are thus, less attractive to long-term mates!

Good genes hypothesis

Girls choose mates based on traits that indicate his ability to pass on favourable genes that increase survival success

2 modern patterns of the ‘good genes’ hypothesis

1. Wives with dominant, assertive, masculine husbands are more satisfied

2. Kids have better immune systems when they have ‘good gene’ parents

Sperm competition

Occurs when the sperm of two or more men occupy a woman’s vagina at the same time; cause men to thrust deeper to get the other sperm out ew

Consensual non-monogamy

An arrangement in which partners agree that it is acceptable to have more than one sexual or romantic relationship at the same time

3 different forms of CNM

1. Open relationship

2. Swingers

3. Polyamory

Open relationship

Partners feel free to have sex with others

Swingers

People who pursue extradyadic sex as a couple

Polyamory

Partners do have full-fledged love affairs that may be sexual/romantic relationships with more than one person

Polyamorous people recieve greater _____ from their primary partners, and more _____ from their secondary partners

Greater nurturance, security, and comfort; higher eroticism and passion

Sex drives

The urge to seek satisfaction of sexual needs

Reasons why men have higher sex drive than women (6)

1. Men masturbate more, even with having a sexual partner

2. Men want sex more often

3. Want to have sex sooner

4. Think about sex more

5. Spend more money on sex

6. More accepting of casual sex

The typical sex difference in sex drive means some couples will…

Encounter mismatches in sexual desire, causing conflict

Reasons why people do not have safe sex (8)

1. Underestimating risk

2. Faulty decision making

3. Intoxication

4. Pluralistic ignorance

5. Inequalities in power

6. Abstinence education

7. Low self-control

8. Decreased intimacy and pleasure

Illusion of unique invulnerability

The expectation that others will be the victims of misfortune rather than yourself

Alcohol myopia

Reduction in people’s abilities to think about and process all of the information available to them when they are intoxicated

Pluralistic ignorance

Believing that your feelings and beliefs are different from those of others

Stealthing

Occurs when one surreptitiously removes a condom just before or during intercourse without his partner’s knowledge or consent

Sexual interactions are most rewarding when…

They fulfill basic human needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness

Sexual growth beliefs

Conceive of sexual satisfaction as something you work for; you can improve!

Sexual destiny beliefs

People think that great sex is merely based on destiny and soulmate compatibility

The best sex depends on… (3)

• each person has their needs met by an understanding and respectful partner who knows their desires

• Value your partner and are devoted

• Enjoy being together in bed and out

Sexually coercive behaviours have different ranges of pressures (3)

1. Mildly coercive verbal persuasion

2. Plying with alcohol or drugs

3. The threat of physical force

Sexually coercive behaviours have different ranges for unwanted sexual behaviour

• touching and fondling

• Penetration and intercourse

Demographic factors that influence sexual frequency

Ethnicity, geography, income, education, religion, age, relationship length

Sex _____ is more important than sex ____

Satisfaction; frequency

2 predictors of good sex

1. Relationship quality (satisfaction, love, attachment, commitment)

2. Actual sex

2 motivation types for sex —Impett, Peplau, Gable (2005)

1. Avoidance = aimed toward avoiding negative outcomes (ex. Sex to avoid conflict)

2. Approach = aimed toward obtaining positive outcomes

Most common types of cheating for men

Casually flirting, mild romantic feelings, group study, fantasising

Most common types of cheating for women

Casually flirted, group dinner/study, mild romantic feelings, sexually attracted

Self-predictors of cheating

• narcissism

• Conscientiousness

• Impulsivity

Partner predictors of cheating

• partner sexualizing others

• Partner is jealous and possessive

• Partner withholds sex

• Abuses alcohol

Contextual predictors

• marital dissatisfaction

• Sexual dissatisfaction

How do you know your partner is physically cheating on you? (5)

1. Physical evidence

2. Gets caught

3. Uninterested in sex

4. Changes normal routine

5. Displays more interest than normal

How do you know your partner is emotionally cheating on you? (6)

• dissatisfied / falls out of love

• Inconsiderate

• Angry

• Doesn’t want to spend time together

• Do not want to discuss another person

• Acts guilty