Percy Jackson Lines - The Lightning Thief act II

🎵 THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED! 🎵

Maybe you don't know what a half-blood is, because your life is normal and happy and not constantly in danger. But my life...?

Let me set the scene:

(Grover bleats)

Dude, what was that?

🎵 THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED! 🎵

Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?

Grover: Ask Nancy Bobofit. She's a monster. Not literally. I don't think.

She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?

Grover: She threw a peanut butter sandwich at YOU. I stopped it. With my head.

Grover, you're a good friend.

Mrs. Dodds: MR. JACKSON! Please see me by the sphinx.

Look... If this is about Nancy Bobofit, she only hates me because I stopped her from setting fire to those first-graders —

Mrs. Dodds: I have heard much about you... Percy Jackson.

Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute...

Mrs. Dodds: Kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage.

Hey, don't talk about my mom —

Mrs. Dodds: ... That's right... You don't know who he is.

How do you even know that?

Uh, Mrs. Dodds? You have something growing on your... AH!!!

Mr. Brunner: What ho, Percy!

Mr. Brunner? What am I supposed to do with a pen —

Sword! Whoa!

(Percy kills Mrs. Dodds)

... Mr. Brunner? ... Mrs. Dodds?

Um...

Mr. Brunner: I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision. you were supposed to stay with the group. And this was your final warning...

But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me, and... You saw it!

Mr. Brunner: Did I?

You gave me that pen! Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword, and... What?

Mr. Brunner: Perhaps it was for the best. This wasn't the place for you. It was only a matter of time before —

I got kicked out?

Mr. Brunner: That's not what I —

You think I'm trouble. Just like everyone else.

Mr. Brunner: No, but... that is to say... I can only expect the best from you, Percy. I'm truly sorry.

Yeah well, I'm sorry I let you down...

Grover: Maybe he's right. You never fit in at this school anyway. You're not exactly...

Normal?

(After "Prologue/ The Day I Got Expelled")

Hey Mom. How was your day? Mine was okay. We went on this field trip, I got expelled, I saw some super X-rated art, museums are crazy —

Sally: The headmaster called me.

About the art?

Sally: About the field trip.

Are you mad?

Sally: Well I'm not happy. What happened, Percy?

So first the math teacher turned into a demon, and then I had this sword —

Sally: You know what? It doesn't matter. We'll find another school. Again.

I'm not a bad kid on purpose.

Sally: Oh, baby, I know. How would you like to take a trip? Just the two of us.

Is that okay with "Smelly Gabe"?

Gabe: Who's gonna cook for me? Who's gonna clean?

My mom's not your servant.

Gabe: Bean. Dip.

Aw man, has that guy ever heard of showers? Mom... you don't have to put up with him like that.

Sally: It's complicated, Percy.

You always say that. Why?

🎵 IT'S TIME YOU FOUND OUT MORE ABOUT HIM. 🎵

Look at the size of those waves!

Sally: Fire's going. Someone needs a marshmallow. They're blue. Don't tell me you're too old for blue food.

You met Dad on this beach?

Sally: He didn't have a choice. He wanted to meet you. And he warned me things might be hard if you were... like him.

Was he a screw-up too? I'm sorry, Mom, if I was only normal —

Sally: You'll see. You're destined for great things.

The only thing I seemed destined for is detention.

(After "Strong")

So what is this place? Are you sending me to summer school?

Sally: More like summer camp. It's jsut over that hill, past that pine tree. I thought that I'd be enough for you. But you deserve the truth.

You're acting like I'm never going to see you again. If it's just a summer camp...

Grover: Baaaaah!

Oh look, a goat. Hey little guy —

Grover: Paaaa-ercy!

AAAH! Grover? What are you doing here? ... And what happened to your legs?

Sally: What happened on the field trip?

You said it didn't matter!

Grover: He met a Fury.

YOU'RE all furry! What happened to your legs?

Grover: I'm a satyr! I'm half-goat?

And you couldn't have mentioned that sooner?

Sally: Oh no.

What's a Minotaur?

Grover: Half-bull.

Like you?

Grover: I'm half-goat!

Well, I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in right now!

Sally: BOYS! Grover, you need to get Percy to the border.

What about you?

Grover: You heard your mom!

I'm not leaving her!

If Mrs. Dodds was really a monster, I hope you're really a sword...

Awesome!

Sally: If you want my son, you have to answer to me.

Mom, no!

Mom?

(Sally is killed by the Minotaur)

Noooo!!!!

I got him!

Whoaa...

🎵 THIS IS WEIRD. 🎵

Oh look, a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt.

Annabeth: You drool when you sleep.

Wait, what? Where am I?

Annabeth: You had an accident. You're safe now. Your friend Grover carried you here, and I gave you ambrosia. It heals almost any injury. Unless I gave you too much and it kills you.

Where is Grover? I had this dream, he was a goat, there was a bull, and my mom — Where is my mom?

Mr. D: So maybe if I go away and play Pinochle for a few hours, things might improve. For me. Not for you. You'd be dead.

Where am I?

🎵 SO HE BETTER CLIP-CLOP OVER HERE. 🎵

It's Percy Jackson.

Mr. D: Well, technically I am cursed. one romp in the woods with Zeus's favorite forest nymph and you're stuck running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods.

Half-blood?

Mr. D: Half-God, half-mortal. Does no one watch the orientation film?

Did you say half-god?

🎵 I'M THE GOD OF WINE AND I'M DYING OF THIRST. 🎵

Wait, did you say you're a god?

Mr. Brunner: Percy!

Mr. Brunner? What are you doing here? This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods, and... What is going ON?!?

(Speaking over Mr. D singing "Another Terrible Day")

Mr. Brunner!!!!

You're a horse!

What is happening?!

Mr. Brunner: You'll get used to Mr. D. He can be a bit... Well. He hates children.

I thought you were a Latin teacher.

Mr. Brunner/ Chiron: More like ancient greek. My true name is Chiron. And my real job is training demi-gods. Half-bloods... like you.

So everything that crazy guy said is true.

Chiron: ... They're all around us. And so are their children.

But I'm not... I mean, this has to be a mistake. Let me talk to my mom, she'll clear this up. Where is my mom?

Chiron: ... But a mortal woman, against a minotaur...

It wasn't a dream. She's really gone.

Chiron: I'm so sorry, Percy.

It's my fault. She was trying to protect me.

Chiron: You mustn't blame yourself.

You say the gods are real. So how could they let that happen?

🎵 AND TRUST YOU WILL SEE THEIR SIGN. 🎵

If my dad's a god, I'd like to know which one. He's got a lot to answer for.

🎵 BUT IT'S CLEAR HE COULD'VE SHOWN US A SIGN. 🎵

So who is he?

Luke: Tough first day?

Before this morning, I didn't believe in any of this.

Luke: Believing doesn't make it any easier. Trust me.

All this time I thought my dad was some dead-beat. Turns out...

Luke: ... You know, Old Wings-On-His-Shoes?

Have you ever met him?

Luke: Once?

And?

Luke: ... Welcome to the dysfunctional family.

Thanks, Luke.

Grover: ... I'm the worst satyr in the world —

Grover. I'm glad you're here.

Clarisse: CAPTURE THE FLAG!

What's going on? And are you ever going to wear pants again?

Luke: You're going to need this.

It's a sword.

Luke: "Haven't you played Capture the Flag before?"

Not with swords.

(Swoosh the sound and make lightsaber noises)

Annabeth: "It's not a lightsaber."

You're my dream girl! I mean... the girl I saw... when I was dreaming...

Luke: "... I figure, if we find what you're good at, maybe that'll give us a clue about your dad."

I don't have any gifts.

Annabeth: "... Dyslexia too?"

Yeah, but —

Annabeth: "... Those are your battlefield reflexes."

So who's your dad?

Annabeth: "He's a history professor."

He's human? But I thought...

Annabeth: "... Sexist much?"

No! I mean, I love girls! I mean... I think they're really... nice!

Annabeth: "... It's about proving to the gods that we're tough, powerful and victorious in battle!"

She's kind of intense.

Grover: "You should see the captain of the other team."

Who's the captain of the other team?

Clarisse: "I am."

Ahh!

🎵 I'LL PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE. 🎵

We have to beat her?

Grover: "Yep. Hide in a tree!"

What about me? I don't know my talent yet.

Annabeth: "... Go to the boy's bathroom."

And?

(After the Battle scene)

Okay. Just stay here. Just stay in the bathroom, and stay out of...

Clarisse: "What's that noise?"

It's not me. It's — THE TOILET!!!

Grover: "Whoa, what happened here?"

I... had... an... accident?

Annabeth: "Not bad for your first day."

You set me up.

Annabeth: "I don't know what you're talking about."

You told me to go hide in the bathroom. You knew Clarisse would go after me. I was part of your plan!

Annabeth: "You mean distracting Ares' best warrior so I could capture their flag? Smart plan."

She could've killed me!

Annabeth: "The plan would've worked either way."

I thought Athena was all about books! And reading!

Annabeth: "... I need to prove to my mom I'm a champion, so I can get a quest."

A quest?

Annabeth: "... How'd you drench Clarisse the Beast anyway?"

I don't know, it was like the water in the toilet just responded to me...

What?

Annabeth: "I really hope that doesn't mean what I think it means..."

What? What does what mean?

🎵 SO I LEFT VIRGINIA AND I RAN AWAY. 🎵

Wait, is that true?

🎵 WHEN YOUR FOLKS RUN THE UNIVERSE. 🎵

Chiron! Who's your dad?

(Campers ad-lib "Percy's turn!" etc.)

Oh, no. If I try to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche.

Luke: "... Give it a shot."

Okay, um...

Silena: "Yeah, who's your godly parent?"

Oh... I don't know.

Luke: "Go on. Make your offering."

To my dad. Whoever he is!

Luke: "Check it out! The stars!"

What's going on?