Heist flashcards for Gene HEIST!

lines ahead of you are provided GL

Nobody move!

We’re sorry to interrupt your visit to the Smithsonian, but this is a heist.

Lock that door, Gene.

Got it, Billy. We’ll just take the Hope Diamond and be on our way.

That’s right, so as long as nobody makes - (Surprise fills what we can see of their face, as they

truly look at the audience for the first time.) Oh. Oh, okay. A school group.

No.

We’ve taken a school group hostage.

Don’t cry. You don’t need to cry.

You don’t need to cry, kids.

Billy, can I have a quick word with you?

Sure. (to the audience:) Nobody try to leave. But also, please don’t cry. We’re going to figure

this out. It’s gonna be fine.

It’s gonna be fine. Taking a bunch of children hostage wasn’t the plan.

Of course it wasn’t the plan! I didn’t notice who was in the room.

Well now what do we do? I don’t want to scar a bunch of kids for life.

We should let them go.

Are we allowed to let them go?

We can do whatever we want, we have guns.

Okay. Okay, listen up, class. We’re going to let you go. I’m going to unlock this door and let you out. What’s that? No, your teacher needs to stay. Ah! All right, your teacher can go, too. Please stop crying.

But we’re keeping the tour guide.

Yes. We need a hostage, so we’re keeping the tour guide - I’m sorry, the docent.

You’re awfully bold for a woman in a hostage situation. What’s your name? Marianne?

This way, kids. Say goodbye to Marianne.

BILLY

Don’t you try anything funny, Marianne The Docent. Don’t you move a muscle. Well, except to

get your keys out and open this display case, because we’re stealing the Hope Diamond... What

do you mean, ‘No’?

Let’s go, Billy. What’s taking so long?

Marianne won’t open the display case.

Did you remind her that we have guns?

I didn’t think it was necessary.

We have guns, Marianne! ...Well, if you can see that, then why aren’t you cooperating?

Excuse us for a moment. I need to speak with my business associate. (Billy pulls Gene off for a

huddle. Then, in a stage whisper:) I think we should change tactics.

Were we using tactics?

I think we should begin using tactics. Specifically, good cop/bad cop. The give and take, the ebb

and flow, it gets people to do what the cops want on tv shows.

We’ve already got give and take: We took a bunch of children hostage, we gave them their

freedom.

Marianne will give us the keys if we do good cop/bad cop.

You do realize we’re the opposite of cops?

Then we can be good thief/bad thief. Like at the crucifixion

What is wrong with you?

You should be the bad thief.

I don’t want to be the bad thief.

This energy you’re exuding is very ‘bad thief.’

I’m the one who let the kids out.

But I’m the one who said we should let the kids out. You’re the bad thief.

(Billy breaks from the huddle and looks out toward Marianne.)

Marianne, give us your keys, or Gene here will shoot you.

Yes. I will shoot you. So hard.

Give us your keys to unlock this case.

What do you mean you don’t have the key to the Hope Diamond case? ...For security reasons?! That’s ridiculous... No, this moment is not proving it was prescient. Can you pick a lock, at least? Ugh, what good are you?

Don’t worry, Gene.

Why, can you pick a lock?

I sure can, or my name isn’t Billy the Kid.

...Your name isn’t Billy the Kid. That’s just the code name you chose.

Yeah, but I can pick a lock.

Can you, though?

Yes, I just said -

I know what you said, but the way you said it was real ambiguous.

I can do it.

Then why phrase it that way?

I was just - (to Marianne:) I know the police will be here soon, thank you for your input,

Marianne. (to Gene:) Just move so I can pick the lock. (to Marianne:) Our endgame? Our

endgame is to sell it.

Duh, Marianne.

Duh, Marianne.

Yeah, we know it’s recognizable, but someone will buy it… I don’t know, on the dark web? … We can so figure out how to sell things on the dark web!

We figured out how to carry out a heist at the Smithsonian, didn’t we?

Don’t engage with her. Just pick the lock. The heist hasn’t succeeded yet?! Screw you, Marianne.

Screw you. It’ll succeed. We’re going to steal the Hope Diamond, sell it on the dark web, and be

millionaires by the weekend.

We’re pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. Not everybody can afford to go to Docent School

...A volunteer? Are you serious? No money at all?

Oh, Marianne. Know your worth.

Keep picking the lock, Billy! (to Marianne:) What’s that? Oh, thank you for asking. I picked

Gene Wilder as my code name.

It doesn’t make sense.

I love Gene Wilder.

Everyone loves Gene Wilder. It just doesn’t make sense in this context. Billy the Kid robbed

folks. Billy the Kid makes sense.

Gene Wilder makes sense. You’re wrong, Marianne. We won’t regret this. ...Oh yeah, how do you know?

Cursed? What do you mean it’s cursed?

If the Hope Diamond were cursed, we’d know.

If the Hope Diamond were cursed, we’d know.

...Killed by Russian revolutionists?

...Murdered by her sweetheart?

...Thrown from a precipice?

...Hanged by a mob?

...Torn to pieces by dogs?

Stop! Stop, Marianne. The diamond will only be in our possession for a short time.

Yeah, we should be fine, right? ...You don’t think we’ll be fine?

Gene, I’m wondering if maybe we didn’t think this through enough.

Maybe we didn’t. Maybe we need to do some reevaluating.

It’s all part of the ebb and flow, the give and take

Yes, we were given new information, and now maybe we should take ourselves back home.

We haven’t really commited any crimes yet.

No, we let the kids and their teacher go, and we haven’t hurt you, have we, Marianne? The guns aren’t even real, look. Oh my god! What the hell, Sam?!

Don’t use my real name!

You said the guns were fake! We agreed we didn’t want to hurt anyone!

I know, but then I thought it would probably be a good idea to have one real gun in case we

needed it.

Then you should be holding the real gun!

I don’t want to hold the real gun! What if I accidentally hurt someone? I don’t want that on my conscience.

So you gave the real gun to me without a head’s up? You’re the bad thief!

I’m the good thief!

You are definitely not the good thief. Take this

I don’t want it.

It’s your fault it’s here.

I don’t want it.

Well, I don’t want it either.

Don’t put it on the ground! What if Marianne takes it?

Don’t take this, Marianne. It’s a real gun. I’m going home. Ah! The police! What do we do?!

Run!

Run where? We’re surrounded!

I don’t know! Wait! Remember in “Mission: Impossible” how Tom Cruise dropped down from

the ceiling? Maybe we can do that in reverse!

Rise up to the ceiling?

Yes!

How?

Marianne, how high can you toss a person?

It doesn’t look like there’s anywhere to hide in the ceiling

That’s okay, we’ll figure it out. It’s a fluid situation. This is all part of the give and take.

If we give ourselves up peacefully, they’ll take that into consideration, right?

I think so. Right, Marianne? Right. Okay. We should probably hide the real gun.

There’s nowhere to hide a gun in this room.

Then just kick it away. Kick it away so it looks like it’s not ours.

We weren’t even supposed to have real guns.

It’s a fluid situation! (Calmer:) Good. See? Now that it’s all the way over there, we have

plausible deniability. We’re gonna be fine. Right, Marianne?

Thank you for all your emotional support. You’re a wonderful docent.