initial attraction + self-expansion theory

attraction

desire to approach others

- similarity

- familiarity

- reciprocity

similarity

tend to be attracted to those like us, from body language (unconscious) to values/backgrounds (most important)

- hobbies/interests > initial attraction, but not lasting

- chameleon effect & matching hypothesis

- similar negative traits is NOT advantageous

- reinforces our beliefs/ideas

chameleon effect - similarity

unconsciously mimic others' behaviour

- adaptive; enhances social bonds

matching hypothesis - similarity

tendency to approach others w/ similar mate value

mate value

your own attractiveness as a partner, including both desirable and undesirable traits

familiarity - mere exposure effect

tendency to like ppl/objects the more we see them (but only under NEUTRAL conditions)

reciprocity

we like ppl who like us + like them more when we know they like us

why do some experience unrequited love?

1. being in a relationship w/ that person is perceived high in value

2. belief there is a chance they'd eventually return feelings

3. being in love is rewarding enough (intrinsic) or being seen as romantic offers value (extrinsic)

ideal standards model

three most ideal traits in a partner

1. warmth/trustworthiness (MOST IMPORTANT overall)

2. attractiveness/vitality

3. status/resources

criticisms of ideal standard models

mostly studied in individualistic/western contexts, thus failing to consider importance of "family orientation" as part of status/resources

- gender differences are not universal

mate trade-off

- men and women equally prefer warmth/trustworthiness over status/resources (warm & poor vs cold & rich)

- long-term contexts: warmth + status more important than attractiveness

- short-term contexts: men prefer attractive + cold vs unattractive + warm

basic kinds of mating criteria

1. good genes: characteristics signalling genetic advantage that can be inherited by offspring

2. good investment: characteristics signalling they will be supportive + helpful mate/parent, thus ensuring offspring survives to adulthood

physical attractiveness

ideal standards drop in importance for short-term relationships except for this

- matching hypothesis: approach those w/ similar levels of attractiveness as us

- symmetry

- average faces (e.g., biracial/multiracial)

why does physical attractiveness matter?

tend to think they are also nicer, smarter, friendlier

- make more money, get better evals, perceived more competent, get fewer/shorter convictions

self-fulfilling prophecy (physical attractiveness)

may act nicer and friendlier bc they are treated nicer and friendlier

evolutionary explanations (physical attractiveness)

symmetry is attractive

- indicator of physical & mental health

- led to better survival & reproductive outcomes

- higher levels of estradiol (fertility)

- get sick less often

attractive female features

consistent across cultures

- sexual maturity: prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, broad smile

- neonate features: large eyes, small nose/chin, full lips

- waist-to-hip ratio: 0.70

attractive male features

less reliable

- masculine: strong broad jaw, broad forehead (esp when ovulating)

- feminized: rounder faces, less prominent brow (when not ovulating)

- waist-to-hip ratio: 0.90

- shoulder-to-hip ratio: 1.2

- height signals strength & status

gender differences in importance of attractiveness

men rank attractiveness as more important, while women prefer status/resources

- largely consistent effects across cultures

evolutionary explanations (importance of attractiveness)

- securing resources was more difficult for women, thus more important + women were more likely to survive if they prioritized partners w/ resources

- men who prioritized fertility cues had greater reproductive success

social role explanations (importance of attractiveness)

- women have less resources/power in most societies, thus rely more on partner support

- sex differences are minimized in societies where women have equal power/resources

misattribution of arousal

one mistakenly identifies cause of arousal, leading to incorrect emotional experience

- suspension bridge study

self-expansion motive

desire to expand the self by acquiring resources, perspectives, and identities that enhance one's ability to achieve goals

- relatively unconscious human motivation

- inherently pleasurable

- better indicator of dissolution than IOS and boredom

self-expansion theory

fundamental desire to expand the self through...

- anticipating/obtaining opportunities in a new relationship

- engaging in novel activities, shared or individually (associated w/ passionate love IF not too challenging)

- inclusion of other in self (IOS)

...which predicts relationship commitment & satisfaction

strengths of self-expansion theory

- novel, positive view

- explains why similarity-attraction link may not hold + why relationship satisfaction declines over time

weaknesses of self-expansion theory

- some factors may moderate the effects/change how this theory works (attachment insecurities > diminished benefits of self-expansion, individual differences)

individual differences (weaknesses of self-expansion theory)

- differing preferences + motivations for self-expansion

- relationship goals (e.g., positive = growth, intimacy)

- belief that relationships have potential to grow = greater self-expansion

- low self-esteem > adopt negative traits of partner

- sociodemographic variables

inclusion of other in self (IOS)

degree to which people include their partners in their self-concepts through...

- resources

- perspectives

- characteristics

...related to closeness + increased relationship quality, satisfaction, and commitment

IOS-perceived model

one's perception of the extent to which partner includes oneself in their self concept

- perceived partner satisfaction leads to perceived partner closeness, affecting one's own closeness (IOS)