VSMS Lines

vanya: why is masha here? did she say?

dearest Vanya. sweetest Sonia. how wonderful to see you. how i’ve missed you, and this beautiful house.

spike, darling, would you go to the car? I forgot to bring my Snow White costume.

spike: ok

and don’t forget the shepherd’s crook.

spike: ok. women, huh?

sweetest Vanya, dearest Sonia. how i’ve missed you. you both look the same. older. sadder. but the same. its wonderful to see you Vanya. oh, and you too Sonia.

sonia: yes, hello. im easy to miss.

you are! I often miss you! im in a play or a movie, and I think of my dear Sonia, and think, oh I miss her! I must call her. Then I get called to the set and months go by and I forget to call. Life happens, no?

Sonia: …we are in our twilight years and we realize we have never really lived.

oh, that’s too bad…oh I wish I had time to sit still. I’m always busy, i’m always on the tv, or flying off to some foreign country to make a movie. oh I wish I had time to read the classics, sit in a chair, and just read. do you read the classics, Sonia?

sonia: …I cant make decisions. so I do nothing. I am a wild turkey, I am a wild turkey.

really? how alarming. what’s the matter with her?

Vanya: …Masha you look wonderful as usual. But what did you say about a Snow White costume?

oh did I forget to tell Sonia?

sonia: um…probably. tell me what?

well I got a lovely invitation from that extremely wealthy woman who bought the Dorothy Parker house up the road. she’s one of our neighbors here, and she’s dying to get to know people in the area, and so she’s throwing a costume party. And she asked me to come.

Vanya: well she hasn’t asked us to come.

well you’re not famous. she’s inviting famous people and literary people, and interesting people. And, of course, you and Sonia are very interesting. and I told her that, so she wants both of you to come with me and spike tonight.

Vanya: i’ll try not to.

Spike: okay, I got the costume and this weird shepherd’s thing.

thank you spike

spike: …but my agent said that was hard to hear, and I was wearing my hair all spikey that day, and he said, why don’t you call yourself spike. and so I do.

spike is a very gifted actor. he was almost cast in the sequel to entourage, entourage 2. HBO thought he was wonderful

spike: yeah, I should’ve gotten that part.

but, darling, you came very close. they brought you in to network. you were down to the last three.

Spike: yeah. and they put me up in a fancy hotel

well of course.

sonia: maybe you’ll come close to getting another part soon.

well next time he’ll get the part

spike: yeah its only a matter of time

Vanya: im sorry who is spike? is he your driver?

he’s my beloved

Vanya: he looks 10.

oh Vanya darling, don’t exaggerate. he’s 29 if he’s a day. and im only 41. possibly 42.

sonia: hello. you’re not alone in the room. hello

sorry its all rather new for me.

spike: hey either a spark is there or its not, right mashie

isn’t he adorable

sonia: …I wish I had been left in the orphanage and killed myself. excuse me

spike: wow intense

oh she’s always ben jealous of me, i’m really sick of it. I cant help it if im beautiful and talented and successful, can I?

Spike: …what ab you? do you like how I look?

vanya: what?

now spike, im sure Vanya thinks you’re a perfectly nice looking young man. lets leave it at that. he craves attention slightly but all good actors do

Spike: that pond that’s out there. can you swim in it?

Vanya: swim in it? its not very deep. you can wade in it

spike: yeah maybe ill do that

really, darling, you want to wade in a pond?

spike: yeah its a hot day

I guess it is. there are frogs in that pond you know

spike: I like frogs

did you bring a swim suit?

spike: see you later

the younger generation is like that. they strip to their underwear right in front of everybody

Vanya: did he do that because he knows im gay?

I rather think he did that because he knows im straight

vanya: well its very peculiar. did you tell him im gay?

no why would I? and are you gay? im sorry, did we have some conversation I forgot about?

vanya: no we didnt. I just assumed you assumed

oh I did. I just thought maybe you were still in denial. or had become asexual from so many years of abstinence. oh i’ve been a bad sister. im sorry darling. where is sonia? oh that’s right, I upset her. well i’ll apologize later.

vanya: I must say, im a trifle surprised to see you with this young young man. how old is he?

oh vanya dear, im so happy im with spike. he’s so adventurous and free, he gives me energy. we’ve been together three months

v: well he’s handsome. is he a good idea

don’t be judgmental. i’ve been very lonely for several years ever since Robert left me for Angelina Jolie.

V: Angelina jolie?

I just say that to make myself feel better. he left me for someone who looked a little like angelica Jolie. So I comfort myself by saying it was she. still I haven’t been able to hold on to my husband, idk why. im talented, charming, successful - and yet they leave me. they must be insane.

Sonia: I need a life. I need a friend. I need a change. but nothing ever changes.

now now please don’t get down in the dumps

sonia: that’s easy for you to say. you have a life. you have a career

oh I wish you wouldn’t feel jealous of me. it just exhausts me. even if you were an actress, god forbid, we wouldn’t ever go up for the same parts. im a leading lady while you are much more of a-

v: you’re welcome Sonia

well its not as if my career has been without disappointments, just like your life, Sonia. i’ve suffered too. im a movie star, but am I known as a classical actress on the stage?

s: no you’re not

exactly! that’s a path I didnt get to take. remember when that famous acting teacher was going to cast me as Masha in three sisters. he said I was born to play that role. Imagine how wonderful I would’ve been. “Oh my sisters, let us go to Moscow! To Moscow, let us go.” I would have said that with an ache in my voice and my soul, and it would have been heartbreaking. I feel the public doesn’t know how heartbreaking I can be. Oh missed opportunities! Regret, regret, regret!

s: regret! regret!

please don’t change the focus to yourself, Sonia. im talking now. you can talk later.

s: when?

4:30

oh that famous acting teacher said I was born to play the classics. and that once I did three sisters, he said I would have one classical triumph after another. id be the American Judy Dench. but I had to go do that movie about the nymphomaniac serial killer. it was a terrible script but I was so good in it that it became this enormous hit, and of course, we made five of them eventually. did you see all of them?