HDFS 2300 Final

UConn, Kari Adamsons, Fall 2025

how has family formation changed?

median age of first marriage has increased, number of never married individuals has increased, cohabitation rates increased

mate selection

there is variability:

• Sometimes relationships move backwards

• Sometimes couples break up and get back together

• Sometimes people date other people

• Some people “slide” into commitment (it just happens, e.g., getting pregnant) rather than making an intentional decision to commit

• Some people regret their decisions to commit/enter a partnership

turning points

Critical periods of time where the relationship shifts either better or worse; the relationship will either continue or end

social exchange theory

Couples exchange information via their behaviors about the self, other, and the relationship itself; Relationships are defined by the levels of attraction and dependence

attraction

determined by the proportion of costs vs. rewards; Rewards – costs = outcomes

Comparison level (CL)

Your standards of what a person thinks they deserve in a relationship, what they expect to receive or invest/expand

Comparison level for alternatives (CLalt)

What alternative relationships or situations are available to you; Is there something “better” out there that you are aware of?

Dependence

The degree to which you need your partner in order to fulfill your desired relationship outcomes; influenced by the other barriers that might exist to leaving the relationship; impacts stability

Satisfaction and turning points

Satisfaction is based on outcomes exceeding CL; If there are a lot of complaints, both partners will typically slow their investment and commitment to the relationship

Commitment and turning points

Commitment is your willingness to continue investing in the relationship; Higher attraction and higher dependence both increase levels of commitment

Trust and turning points

Trust refers to feeling safe and that your partner will not harm you and will support your long-term interests; Trust will increase when you perceive that your partner shares high levels of attraction to and dependence on the relationship

The importance of love

In the US and other choice-based cultures, most report choosing their partner based on love; Love is the emotion experienced in the presence of heightened physiological arousal and “relevant situational cues” (sense of intimacy, passion, and connectedness/closeness with your partner)

Companionate love

Trust, caring, honesty, and friendship; “Loving” someone; what keeps people together

Passionate love

Physiological arousal, idealization of the partner, obsessive fascination; Being “in love” with someone; what brings people together

The principle of least interest

Being less dependent = having more power in the relationship

interdependence in relationships

is desirable and balances out the cost of dependence equally across partners

Relationship negotiations

Negotiations occur to reach consensus; May involve “relationship talk”; Allows both partners to understand if expectations and experiences are similar or different; not all good: secret tests

Family of origin experiences, values, and expectations

provides:

• Models of successful or unsuccessful relationships

• Ideals about gender, culture, and other socialized values and beliefs

• Ideas about who is or is not an appropriate partner

• A frame of reference based on what you admired (or didn’t) about your parents and their relationship

• How rewarding or costly different traits or interactions are

• How to “be intimate” and expression affection and appreciation with others

Multigenerational transmission process

The process via which unresolved emotional attachments are passes across generations; only those that are the most involved will likely be impacted

Transmission and mate selection

Partners frequently seek people similar to themselves in a variety of two ways, including someone who brings similar levels of unresolved issues into their partnership; Partner match depends on how well each partner reduces the anxieties of the others (When you are not the cause of their anxieties, you cannot actually reduce their anxieties)

Attachment theory and mate selection

Attachment is primarily formed in infancy and early childhood, with caregivers; This working model guides people’s relationship expectations and behaviors throughout the life course

secure attachment style

Parents are responsive, attentive, and approving; Child learns to trust others to provide care

avoidant attachment style

Parents are not responsive to child’s needs; Child learns to avoid relying on the parent

Anxious-ambivalent attachment style

Parents are inconsistent in their care; Child learns to desire care, but not to trust that it will always happen, producing clinginess

Attachment in adulthood

• Secure children tend to be comfortable being in close relationships as adults, both depending on others and being depended on

• Avoidant children tend to be less trusting as adults and to find relationships as less rewarding, and so tend to avoid getting too close to others (or having others get too close to them)

• Anxious-ambivalent children view others as unreliable and feel that others are reluctant to get as close as they personally would like to be. They worry their partners will leave or do not really love them.

Attachment and relationships

Dating relationships

• Secure individuals generally pair with other secure individuals; insecure individuals match with other insecure individuals

• Secure individuals have more satisfying relationships that last linger

• Insecure adults have lower relationship satisfaction, and their relationships do not last as long

Married relationships

• Secure couples have higher satisfaction, trust, and supportiveness, with better communication and conflict management, compared with insecure couples

Identity tasks in lifetime relationships

Establishing family themes is necessary once they become a subsystem within the two extended families’ systems; Negotiating identities and roles (how you should act as a partner)

Defining boundaries in lifetime relationships

Regulating distances with others; Regulating distance within the relationship – how much individuality vs. intimacy is within the partnership?; influenced by family of origin; shift over the course of the relationship

Managing the household in lifetime relationships

Key tasks are managing finances and housework; Often require considerable negotiation when first moving in together; These seemingly simple tasks can have implications for things like identity and emotional climate

Managing the emotional climate in lifetime relationships

We have high expectations in the US for our lifetime partners; Need to figure out how to support and nurture one another in mutually agreeable ways and how to constructively manage conflict; Gendered conversational styles can be important; people differ in what is important to them

Managing complaints in lifetime relationships

Each partner needs to understand the expectations and behaviors that have created the complaint; Partners must be able to talk about both expectations and desired behavioral changes to resolve the complaint, and the reasonableness/possibility of those expectations and behavioral changes; It’s only if both the expectations and changes are seen as reasonable that the complaint can be managed constructively; ALL relationships have complaints

patterns of parenthood

birth rates are at a historic low, not every couple now wants to have a child

childfree

Usually used to refer to individuals who have intentionally chosen not to have or raise children

childless

Usually refers to individuals who wanted to have children, but could/did not

Childless and childfree families

DINK (Dual Income No Kids), more couples are deciding that they do not want children; Social norms increasingly value individualism; birth control/reproductive advances have changed cultures around parenthood

views of those without children

U.S. society is pro-child; those who do not have children are devalued and delegitimized; people see those without children as being in a temporary stage

infertility

the state of not becoming pregnant after engaging in regular sexual intercourse without protection for one year; causes of infertility are evenly split, can happen to anyone

women and fertility

women have a limited window of fertility (born with a certain amount of eggs and progressively lose them thorughout the life span); menopause occurs when women run out of eggs

men and fertility

men constantly produce new sperm; sperm quality is best between 30-35; sperm motiltiy is best before 25; genetic defects within sperm increase with age

outcomes for childless families

Experiencing infertility often results in poorer quality of life and life satisfaction as well as marital satisfaction (more likely to divorce); Some improve over time as they shift goals away from having a biological child; treatments for infertility can cause financial strain

diversity in infertility

women tend to have poorer-well being when dealing with infertility, but men recieve less support; all races are equally as liekly to expereince infertility but minorities have more barriers to access care; most health insurance plans do not cover fertility treatments

childfree families

those who choose to not have children often tend to be higher income and higher education; tend to have higher committment to careers, have numerous hobbies, and are highly socially engaged; tend to be happier than people with children (US has the largest happiness gap b/t parents and non-parents); find other ways to be generative and leave a legacy; still face the same tasks as families with children

the changing context of parenthood

less emphasis on parenting; less support offered to new parents; more liekly to complete education and get established before becoming a parent; traditional roles have shifted in cross-sex marriages; fertility rates have declined

the transition to parenthood

the parenting role is the most difficult to voulntarily leave (parenting and parenthood never really end); causes major shifts in roles and identities within the family system

factors that ease the transition to parenthood

The degree to which parents want to be parents; The amount of socialization or training they have received for parenthood; The clarity of the role demands of parenthood; The amount of support available to them while they are transitioning

stress and the transition to parenthood

parenthood is a normative stressor; stress level will range on experiences: overall family system, policies and practices of major social institutions, cultural beleifs, etc.

the parenthood village

parents are at the center of the village; adding a child transforms the MGFS, parents are gatekeepers, they regulate whether and how other member and external systems interact with the childhood

parenthood and changes in family systems

2 to 3 person system; a new generational boundary is added; old strategies have to be adapted and continue to be adapted as the child grows

child’s health and welfare

Optimal physical health and development, Cognitive development, Moral development, Social development, Emotional development, Psychological health

identity tasks in parenthood

reworking identity to include the parent role; altering family themes to more child-focused; defining a parental role identity while also balancing other roles

the child’s evolving identity

parents shape their children’s identities through expectations and role placement; parents often disagree on the “image” of a child, and the child may also disagree; the child often becomes the focus of stress and conflcits

the transformation of family boundaries after parenthood

renegotiating distance with family and friends (often re-opens boundaries that were previously closed); realigning maritial boundaires (spouses often spend more time with children than each other); renegotiating boundaries b/t work and family (financial demands but wanting to spend more time with family)

managing the houshold in parenthood

renegotiating housekeeping strategies (tasks become more gendered, ans men tend to distance themselves from the home roles)

reprioritizing distribution of resources in parenthood

the cost of raising a child is extremely expensive, especially if sending one to college; disparities in resourcde distribution over time can cause conflict

managing the family’s emotional climate in parenthood

maritial satisfaction often declines but it doesnt have to cause mass amounts of distress (those who have better relationships prior to parenthood often have better relationships after parenthood); it is important that parents are realsitic about how their relationship is going to change; parents hsould have similar expectations

children’s imapct on the family system

parents often need to change their expectations of one another; children do not cause marital distress (it is how partners manage the change); how the family’s manage stress results in outcomes, not the stresses themselves

maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship in parenthood

declines in relationship satisfaction related to parenthood also can cause decreased sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction (due to less time spent together and women may feel less attractive); most sexual relationships do recover in the months following the birth of a child

managing leisure activities in parenthood

less time and less money for “fun” activities after having a child; relationships can become more buisnesslike; couples still need to spend time together doing enjoyable activities, and individuals need that time too

managing new areas of conflict in parenthood

relationships with extended family (impacted by success of individuation from the family of origin by parents); potential conflicts over life and task changes

emotional climate and goodness of fit in parenthood

Parents and children each have unique personalities, and these don’t always mesh; Goodness-of-fit refers to how well expectations and demands of the caregiver fit with the personality and abilities of the child (it is the parent’s responsibility to adjust to better fit with the child, sensitive responsiveness)

diveristy within and between families with children

Not all families with children live with two biological parents, and if they do, not all of them are married; Not all family members are biologically related to all other family members; Not all parents have partners, and similarly, not all parents have only one coparent (in remarriages, there are often at least 4 parents involved in raising children); Not all children are raised by biological family members, or might be raised by older siblings or grandparents

parent definition

anyone taking primary care of a child; does not have to be biological (it is more about identity); co-parents may not agree on each others’ parental identity

parenthood definition

The social and family position occupied by individuals who have primary responsibility for promoting the health and welfare of children; all parents have responsibilites and it may differ between coparents

parenting definition

The specific strategies that parents use to execute the tasks associated with parenthood

parenting style

A typology of normal variability in parents’ attempts to nurture, control, and socialize their children (control is not negative)

parental responsiveness

Also referred to as warmth or supportiveness; The extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s special needs and demands

parental demandingness

Also referred to as behavioral control; The claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts, and willingness to confront the child who disobeys

indulgent parenting style

Responsive, but not demanding; Democratic (lenient, but at least somewhat engaged in rule setting and explaining the rationale) vs. nondirective (provide little to no guidance and set few or no boundaries)

authoritarian parenting style

Demanding, but not responsive; Likely to use harsh and punitive discipline, focus is obedience at all times

authoritative parenting style

Both demanding and responsive; More likely to use supportive discipline, encourage self-regulation and age-appropriate independence, supports child autonomy

uninvolved parenting style

Neither demanding nor responsive; In some ways, both neglectful and permissive; No clear rules or boundaries, little attention or guidance provided, little support

psychological control in parenting styles

Control attempts that are intrusive, including strategies like guilt induction, withdrawal of love, or shaming; Authoritarian parents are more likely to use psychological control than authoritative

Parenting styles and outcomes for children

Authoritative parenting is consistently associated with the best outcomes for children; Uninvolved parenting is consistently associated with the worst outcomes (bad for those facing anxiety, depression and loneliness); Authoritarian and Indulgent are worse than Authoritative, but not as bad as Uninvolved

discipline

Comes from the root word “disciple,” meaning “to learn”; Discipline is about guidance and should be positive, supportive, and educational, not punitive

punishment

Punitive in nature – reactive to children’s undesired behavior; Based on the idea that children will only learn appropriate behavior by feeling pain, shame, or humiliation – learning to feel bad when they do something wrong; Focuses on reaction rather than prevention (can reinforce bad behavior)

positive discipline

Encourage and praise appropriate behavior, rather than just discouraging inappropriate behavior; Encourages internalization of values rather than relying on external motivators; Strengthens self-regulation and self-efficacy; Focused on prevention rather than reaction; Teaches children to be independent and competent and to manage their own behavior and emotions

natural consequences

ex. if you don’t wear your jacket, you’ll be cold

logical consequences

ex. If you stay out past curfew, you can’t use the care next weekend

determinants of parenting styles

parents’ personal psychological resources; unique cahractersitics of the child (gender, age, temperament); contextual sources of stress and support (marriage/romantic relationship, social networks, work environment)

diversity in parenting

the number of children living with two biological parents has decreased; Asian children have the highest rate of living with two married parents (lowest rate are black children); diversity can affect the demands and resources of families and how parents and children percieve parenthood and the challenges they may face

gender and parenting

men and women are socialized differently including parenting roles (women are more socialized into the parenting role than men); however, men are now somewhat more involved in parenting; parents must negotiate how they want to parent; mothers do more daily childcare, while fathers engage more in play and fun

single mothers and single fathers

most single-parent families are headed by mothers, but the number of single-father families are increasing; single mothers are more likely to experience poverty and lack societal support; single fathers often get more credit for single parenting but often don’t know other single fathers; single fathers are more likely to result from exceptional circumstances

culture and parenting

Culture shapes parenting, and parenting also is a way that cultural values are passed on to children; cultural norms and beleifs also influence parenting; not all people within the same culture will have the same beliefs or enact the same strategies (those who counter the majority of their culture will often be seen as dysfunctional)

the importance of intersectionality in parenting

it is important to not reduce parents or families to a single characteristic (race, gender, sexuality); all families encompass multiple identities at the same time whcih affect both family interactions and the coutcomes of families and their members

family tasks in adulthood

middle adulthood is the time between parent's’ mid-40s and mid-60s; often involves launching children, addition of children’s spouses and their own children, and necessary changes and adjustments to accomodate the child leaving the home; the focus often returns to the couple relationship; parents spend about half of their lives in the post-childrearing phase

couple relationships in middle adulthood

children leaving the home allows the paretns to refocus on their relationship; most parents are happy and excited to move on into the next stage of life; some parents may divorce if they were staying together “for the kids”; most people are at their maximum earning potential so they have greater resources to do more things together; men may decide to retire and women may decide to re-enter the workforce

individuation across the parenting lifespan

children begin establishing individuality at birth and parents need to foster age-appropriate independence; often a source of conflict because parents may not give the support needed or try to control the children too much

parent-adolescent relationships

important to maintain flexible boundaries that adolescents can move in and out of the family system; most families do not experience big issues during this time and whatever the relationship was prior to adolescence often stays the same

launching and the transformation of the parent-child relationship

children seperate physically from the family and take on adult roles and responsibilities; parents must allow this to happen and support them in this process; more successful process if parents were successfully individuated from their own family (if not they may force their children out too early or too late)

the renested family

children are increasing leaving home temporarily and returning later (boomerang children); it is typically a temporary arrangement to deal with setbacks or to save money; most parents are happy about it; most conflict is caused by financial dependence, children leaving and returning multiple times, and moving in with family of their own; parents often struggle to treat their children as adults

Parent-child relationships in the postparenting years

parents and their adult children need to form adult-adult relationships; htey need to accept one another as adults and have mutual respect

intergenerational developmental theory

The hierarchical parent-child relationship must be terminated; can occur at varying times depending on cultural norms and expectations; children must see parents as human beings and give up the need to be parented; the parent must see the child as an adult and give up the need to parent

being in the middle of middle adulthood

launching occurs at different times if there are multiple chidlren and there are ongoing exits and entrances in to the family’s boundaries; parents facing generational squeeze because they are caring for their children and elderly parents; there are many changes and adaptions to manage effectively

the evolving multigenerational system

as the adult children form lifetime romantic partnerships and have children of their own, they form a new “primary” family system with them at the center; importance of both recognizing and understanding family legacies and how they will continue and evolve

families later in life

life expectancy in increasing; middle-aged and older adults outnumber children; family members are able to interact with more generations

marriage and lifetime partnerships during the later adult years

retirement involves both physical withdrawal from the workplace, and psychological reorientation away from work; more people are living longer in retirement; women tend to live longer than men; people tend to be mroe prepared for the physical aspects of retirement than the social and psychological aspects

adjustments that retriement requires

couples have to readjust to partners being home after retirement; need to have similar expecations of post-retirement life and time of retirement; gendered patterns in housework often continue

coping with physical aging

behavioral slowing; changes in vision, hearing, taste, touch, and smell; recreational activities may change; companionship and communication skills are continually important; sexual activity often declines but remains active with changes and new challenges

frailty and the couple system

condition brought on by a decline in health that stresses the relationships between aging spouses and between adult children and their aging parents; increased dependence on healthy spouse/partner, children, other family members for social, psychological and physical support; womenare often caregivers while men are care managers; depression rates are much higher amongst cargivers due to the loss of emotional and psychological support; women also tend to struggle more with caregiving than men

grandparenthood

experienced at younger ages than previously, but will increase due to childbearing age increasing; shift from primary caregiver to secondary resource; more grandparents and grandchildren are having long-term relationships; older adults spend longer in grandparenthood