love and relationships test

Not completed, text me if you know the rest

what are the three parts of the mantra/slogan for why is it important to know what love is

1. what you go looking for

2. what you find

3. what you give to others

what’s a love pretender

something that looks like what you think love is, but it is not insufficient or accurate enough

what does the Bible say is the best way to show love

when you are willing to give your life up

according to the Bible who is the best example of love

god/jesus

Both the world and God give us reasons *why* we should love other people, How are these two reasons often different?

the world’s love is too small and limited, whereas gods love is never ending and overall things

how is love connected to the nature of god

god created everything including love, therefore if we do not love we do not know god and if we know god we should know love

agape in comparison to the other three greek words for love

* agape is unconditional
* you’d show it to a person regardless of any circumstances

why agape is an ideal foundation for the others

its an action(?) and is the christian kind of love + this love is used most in the Bible

who created the concept of love languages

gary chapman

challenges love languages pose in relationships

you could ✨clash✨

attraction definition

to evoke interest or liking, to be drawn to

lust definition

have a very strong sexual desire for someone

How long does it take for initial attraction of various kinds to happen?

less than 15 seconds

two main attraction theories

• complimentary needs theory

  • opposites attract

  • introvert x extrovert trope; nerd x jock trope

  • the olive theory(that kinda fits yk)

  • the why

    • greatest promise of meeting our needs

• similarity theory

  • attraction to similar personality traits and values

  • the why

    • it’ll make you comfortable and will lessen disagreements

what’s the natural challenge involved with attraction? what three tips were given

1. look deeper

   1. to character/heart/spirit

2. look longer term

   1. to who they will become

3. look for hints to both

   1. not always obvious at first

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how does Philippians 4:19 & Matthew 6:33 relate to the topic of dating love and relationships

• Philippians

  • Dating other people wont fulfill your needs like god can/does

• Matthew

  • Everything that you look for in a partner can be found in Christ

who do you most need to be aware of in order to have healthy relationships

you yourself and you

What is a "bait and switch" technique in dating, how well is it likely to work for attaining a serious long-term relationship, and why?

• what you attract them with and what you keep them with

  • you get what you want so attract what you want

• not very likely at all

what does the class and the diagram suggest dating leads to

marriage (with or without kids) or something similar

What did the class decide was the right answer for when exclusivity and physical affection start in a relationship? Why is that level of agreement *(or not!)* important? **this is what b1 came up with**

exclusivity starts in the dating phase and physical affection also starts at the dating stage

What is happening when a person is "using" a dating partner?

several diverse "things" a person could use another person for

intention for dating vs result of dating

* Motivations for starting “why” and Results from having “what”
* example: I am lonely so I will date (intention) → because I have you, I am not lonely (result)

does being "marriage-minded" when dating mean you are actively trying and planning to get married to any and every person you date

not really no

who is Tim Keller

* author of *love is not all you need*
* talks about how romance can become a form of idolatry
* used the story of Rachel, Leah, and Jacob

what is apocalyptic romance

going to a lover and asking them to do what god does

who coined the term apocalyptic romance

Ernest Becker

what does apocalyptic romance lead to and why

* leads to cosmic disillusionment
* we want the things that god gives us without going to god for it and we end up disappointed ever

what were Friedrich Nietzsche and Charles Taylor arguing was happening/has happened in modern western civilization

• Charles taylor

  • it is easier in this day and age to not believe in god than it is to believe in god

• Friedrich Nietzsche

  • God is dead and we have killed him

    • We no longer need the concept of god

where do we find life, meaning, and the other deep existential needs of our hearts (Colossians 3:1-4)

* in heaven, by the right hand of god
* no person can be your whole life because they aren’t big or perfect enough

where does the soul find true rest or fulfillment? how does it relate to romance? (Augustine quote)

* in god
* other people (romance) are the closest we get to god because they are made in his image

how does C.S. Lewis’ quote about fulfillment relate to romance

* "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
* if we keep dating in hopes of finding the perfect person and simply not finding them, then maybe that’s a sign that God is our perfect person

who coined the phrase “god-shaped hole”

Blaise pascal

what does “god-shaped hole” mean

• according to Blaise Pascal

  • We try to fit lots of things (people) in the hole in our lives/hearts but they don’t fit

• according to mr knight

  • we try to fit lots of things (ppl) in the hole but they dont fill the hole

What was argued in class about the effectiveness of "fitting" versus "filling" when it comes to the love of a person compared to the love of God?

since humans are the closest version of god’s love we’ll get, they fit the hole but they dont fill it so its less fulfilling than faith in god

what is it about humans that make us “fit” the the god shaped hole very well (even if we dont “fill” it)

we are made in god’s image

how common is cohabitation today

60ish%

if cohabitation is as effective as claimed, what should be going down but isn’t

divorce rates

what is the given about cohabitation and sex before marriage? why’s that an immediate red flag for some christians

Cohabitation gives more opportunities for pre-marital sex.

three key factors that make the fact whether cohabitation increases the likelihood of divorce situational not automatic

1. age/maturity

2. intentionality/motivation

3. frequency

In what situations do divorces-after-cohabitation go up? in what situations do they create no significant increase or decrease?

how is the fact that cohabitation is seen as a “testing period” both a pro and a con

• pro

  • helps you get acquainted with your partners lifestyle

    • ideal way of finding yalls compatibility

  • relationships have the chance of getting stronger on a deeper level

  • can help mentalities

  • easier to breakup

  • cheaper living arrangements

• cons

  • it means that youre already looking for the problems in your relationships

  • it could also mean youre blindsided

most of the arguments against cohabitation usually come down to it not fostering or even working against what important trait in a marriage?

Commitment

what’s the inertia principle in reference to cohabitation

couples who live begin cohabitation without mutual plans for marriage are likely to have more asymmetrical levels of dedication than those who have plans before they begin cohabiting (**thx Sara)**

what is the sliding not deciding concept when applying to cohabitation

it’s easier to slide into a marriage

research suggests the two genders see cohabitation differently in what ways

• women

  • getting closer to marriage

• men

  • putting marriage off

specific risks that actually increase in cohabitation

* pre marital sex(?)

was sex a part of the world when god declared all things to be good

yes

what three good things does sex create

1. reproduction

2. connection

3. pleasure

what evidence is there from human behavior that sex is more than just a physical action

• people tend to cover up sex organs around other people (yk like stranger/kids etc.)

• rare for strangers to start having sex

  • and when they do society thinks lesser of them

• SA traumatizes more than just the body

• sexually active people usually feel an added connection and emotions without trying

• the first time couples have sex its often a big deal

• emotional confusion of love often follows sex

is sex is not just a physical action, what is it?

emotional language for a physical thing (?)

in what way is sex symbolic and of what

is the desire for sex an unnatural or sinful feeling

no

if sex is not the real problem what is

1. we use sex selfishly

2. we think we know better and dont care what god said about sex

3. we use sex at the wrong time with the wrong people in the wrong ways

(sexual sin in comparison to other sins) what is true and not true

• what’s true

  • good sex involves

    • unselfish love

    • honor of god and partner

    • right time, right person, and the right way

• what’s false

  • good sex involves

    • positions

    • (uhh idk thats all I rmrbr)

five big tips for handling sex with care

1. follow gods guidance on sex

2. dont settle for lines

3. recognize the “law of diminishing returns”

4. listen to the wisdom of others

5. move from guilt to grace

according to the Bible, what is the right time for sex

marriage

according to the Bible who is the right person for sex

spouse

according to the Bible what is the right way for sex

love

What is the difference between lust and sexual love?

• lust

• Sexual love

who and what is the focus of lust

all about you and what you’re getting out of it

What problems can come from using "lines" to guide sexual activity before marriage? Why are principles better?

• Lines aren’t ideal because they invite you to get closer to the edge

• Whereas principles help you see why things are there

What is the "law of diminishing returns”

The more you do something the less satisfying it is, so you have to do more to get that same feeling

how does the “law of diminishing returns” relate to sexuality

what is the proper way to think of grace in relation to sexual sin (or any other sin)