Studied by 33 peoplewhat are the three parts of the mantra/slogan for why is it important to know what love is
what you go looking for
what you find
what you give to others
what’s a love pretender
something that looks like what you think love is, but it is not insufficient or accurate enough
what does the Bible say is the best way to show love
when you are willing to give your life up
according to the Bible who is the best example of love
god/jesus
Both the world and God give us reasons why we should love other people, How are these two reasons often different?
the world’s love is too small and limited, whereas gods love is never ending and overall things
how is love connected to the nature of god
god created everything including love, therefore if we do not love we do not know god and if we know god we should know love
agape in comparison to the other three greek words for love
agape is unconditional
you’d show it to a person regardless of any circumstances
why agape is an ideal foundation for the others
its an action(?) and is the christian kind of love + this love is used most in the Bible
who created the concept of love languages
gary chapman
challenges love languages pose in relationships
you could ✨clash✨
attraction definition
to evoke interest or liking, to be drawn to
lust definition
have a very strong sexual desire for someone
How long does it take for initial attraction of various kinds to happen?
less than 15 seconds
two main attraction theories
complimentary needs theory
opposites attract
introvert x extrovert trope; nerd x jock trope
the olive theory(that kinda fits yk)
the why
greatest promise of meeting our needs
similarity theory
attraction to similar personality traits and values
the why
it’ll make you comfortable and will lessen disagreements
what’s the natural challenge involved with attraction? what three tips were given
look deeper
to character/heart/spirit
look longer term
to who they will become
look for hints to both
not always obvious at first
how does Philippians 4:19 & Matthew 6:33 relate to the topic of dating love and relationships
Philippians
Dating other people wont fulfill your needs like god can/does
Matthew
Everything that you look for in a partner can be found in Christ
who do you most need to be aware of in order to have healthy relationships
you yourself and you
What is a "bait and switch" technique in dating, how well is it likely to work for attaining a serious long-term relationship, and why?
what you attract them with and what you keep them with
you get what you want so attract what you want
not very likely at all
what does the class and the diagram suggest dating leads to
marriage (with or without kids) or something similar
What did the class decide was the right answer for when exclusivity and physical affection start in a relationship? Why is that level of agreement (or not!) important? this is what b1 came up with
exclusivity starts in the dating phase and physical affection also starts at the dating stage
What is happening when a person is "using" a dating partner?
several diverse "things" a person could use another person for
intention for dating vs result of dating
Motivations for starting “why” and Results from having “what”
example: I am lonely so I will date (intention) → because I have you, I am not lonely (result)
does being "marriage-minded" when dating mean you are actively trying and planning to get married to any and every person you date
not really no
who is Tim Keller
author of love is not all you need
talks about how romance can become a form of idolatry
used the story of Rachel, Leah, and Jacob
what is apocalyptic romance
going to a lover and asking them to do what god does
who coined the term apocalyptic romance
Ernest Becker
what does apocalyptic romance lead to and why
leads to cosmic disillusionment
we want the things that god gives us without going to god for it and we end up disappointed ever
what were Friedrich Nietzsche and Charles Taylor arguing was happening/has happened in modern western civilization
Charles taylor
it is easier in this day and age to not believe in god than it is to believe in god
Friedrich Nietzsche
God is dead and we have killed him
We no longer need the concept of god
where do we find life, meaning, and the other deep existential needs of our hearts (Colossians 3:1-4)
in heaven, by the right hand of god
no person can be your whole life because they aren’t big or perfect enough
where does the soul find true rest or fulfillment? how does it relate to romance? (Augustine quote)
in god
other people (romance) are the closest we get to god because they are made in his image
how does C.S. Lewis’ quote about fulfillment relate to romance
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
if we keep dating in hopes of finding the perfect person and simply not finding them, then maybe that’s a sign that God is our perfect person
who coined the phrase “god-shaped hole”
Blaise pascal
what does “god-shaped hole” mean
according to Blaise Pascal
We try to fit lots of things (people) in the hole in our lives/hearts but they don’t fit
according to mr knight
we try to fit lots of things (ppl) in the hole but they dont fill the hole
What was argued in class about the effectiveness of "fitting" versus "filling" when it comes to the love of a person compared to the love of God?
since humans are the closest version of god’s love we’ll get, they fit the hole but they dont fill it so its less fulfilling than faith in god
what is it about humans that make us “fit” the the god shaped hole very well (even if we dont “fill” it)
we are made in god’s image
how common is cohabitation today
60ish%
if cohabitation is as effective as claimed, what should be going down but isn’t
divorce rates
what is the given about cohabitation and sex before marriage? why’s that an immediate red flag for some christians
Cohabitation gives more opportunities for pre-marital sex.
three key factors that make the fact whether cohabitation increases the likelihood of divorce situational not automatic
age/maturity
intentionality/motivation
frequency
In what situations do divorces-after-cohabitation go up? in what situations do they create no significant increase or decrease?
how is the fact that cohabitation is seen as a “testing period” both a pro and a con
pro
helps you get acquainted with your partners lifestyle
ideal way of finding yalls compatibility
relationships have the chance of getting stronger on a deeper level
can help mentalities
easier to breakup
cheaper living arrangements
cons
it means that youre already looking for the problems in your relationships
it could also mean youre blindsided
most of the arguments against cohabitation usually come down to it not fostering or even working against what important trait in a marriage?
Commitment
what’s the inertia principle in reference to cohabitation
couples who live begin cohabitation without mutual plans for marriage are likely to have more asymmetrical levels of dedication than those who have plans before they begin cohabiting (thx Sara)
what is the sliding not deciding concept when applying to cohabitation
it’s easier to slide into a marriage
research suggests the two genders see cohabitation differently in what ways
women
getting closer to marriage
men
putting marriage off
specific risks that actually increase in cohabitation
pre marital sex(?)
was sex a part of the world when god declared all things to be good
yes
what three good things does sex create
reproduction
connection
pleasure
what evidence is there from human behavior that sex is more than just a physical action
people tend to cover up sex organs around other people (yk like stranger/kids etc.)
rare for strangers to start having sex
and when they do society thinks lesser of them
SA traumatizes more than just the body
sexually active people usually feel an added connection and emotions without trying
the first time couples have sex its often a big deal
emotional confusion of love often follows sex
is sex is not just a physical action, what is it?
emotional language for a physical thing (?)
in what way is sex symbolic and of what
is the desire for sex an unnatural or sinful feeling
no <3
if sex is not the real problem what is
we use sex selfishly
we think we know better and dont care what god said about sex
we use sex at the wrong time with the wrong people in the wrong ways
(sexual sin in comparison to other sins) what is true and not true
what’s true
good sex involves
unselfish love
honor of god and partner
right time, right person, and the right way
what’s false
good sex involves
positions
(uhh idk thats all I rmrbr)
five big tips for handling sex with care
follow gods guidance on sex
dont settle for lines
recognize the “law of diminishing returns”
listen to the wisdom of others
move from guilt to grace
according to the Bible, what is the right time for sex
marriage
according to the Bible who is the right person for sex
spouse
according to the Bible what is the right way for sex
love
What is the difference between lust and sexual love?
lust
Sexual love
who and what is the focus of lust
all about you and what you’re getting out of it
What problems can come from using "lines" to guide sexual activity before marriage? Why are principles better?
Lines aren’t ideal because they invite you to get closer to the edge
Whereas principles help you see why things are there
What is the "law of diminishing returns”
The more you do something the less satisfying it is, so you have to do more to get that same feeling
how does the “law of diminishing returns” relate to sexuality
what is the proper way to think of grace in relation to sexual sin (or any other sin)
Note
Flashcard