SLF 376 Notes for exam 2

What is the primary way most communication about sex occurs?

Nonverbal communication.

What does nonverbal communication most clearly demonstrate?

How we feel about what we are doing, how we feel about what we are saying, and how we feel about who we are talking to.

What happens when there is incongruence between verbal and nonverbal communication?

People will listen to how we say it (nonverbally).

What is a prerequisite for effective communication?

We cannot communicate what we don’t know.

What does the text mean when it says "all communication is a translation"?

(This point is made but not elaborated on with a specific meaning in the provided text).

Define effective communication according to the text.

Effective communication takes place when intent equals impact.

Does effective communication always have to be positive?

No.

What is one of the most important aspects of communication about sex that partners should do regularly?

Express your sexual needs and desires regularly to your partner.

What is key to maintaining good communication when turning down sexual interest?

How we turn down sexual interest.

What are some important "don'ts" when turning down sexual interest?

Don’t be passive-aggressive verbally or behaviorally. Don’t be impatient.

What are some positive things to express when turning down sexual interest?

Express appreciation that you are desirable. Indicate when sex will likely be possible.

Why do very few couples regularly talk about sex?

They never heard open conversation about sex in their entire lives. They feel insecure about their sexuality. Sexuality is more threatening than other areas of life. It seemed to work naturally before, so they hope it will continue. Women, often relationship monitors, are less likely to do so in this area.

What can a lack of open communication about sexuality lead to?

A central reason sexual problems develop. One of the reasons problems persist longer than they have to.

List six principles for effective communication provided in the text.

Listen more than you talk. Pay attention to nonverbals. Listen for what is not said. Reflect back what you heard. Manage your emotions, but still express them. Empathize with your spouse.

What is the only real solution to reduce discomfort regarding talking about sex?

Learn about it and force yourself to talk about it regularly until it becomes as easy as talking about daily activities.

What should you consider if you can never get comfortable talking about sex?

Get therapy to figure out the underlying discomfort.

What are Sue Johnson's main points regarding sex?

Sex is a safe adventure. Sex is an emotional dance. Sex is a potent bonding activity. It can be proof of love, a response to anxiety or overwhelming emotion (Solace Sex). It can be a way to shut down and focus on sensation (Sealed-off Sex) for avoidant individuals, leading to loneliness and lack of enjoyment.

According to Sue Johnson, what is attachment in marriage all about?

Physical, emotional, and relational bonds that occur together.

What was an important finding regarding happily vs. unhappily married partners and their views on sex life?

Happily married partners attribute less of their happiness to a pleasing sex life compared to unhappy partners.

How does insecure attachment impact sexual presence and vulnerability?

If you have an insecure attachment style, being able to be vulnerable and sexually present will be very difficult.

What can happen if a sexual relationship is not fulfilling in an otherwise secure relationship?

It will be one of the fastest ways to destabilize it.

How does looking at sexuality through an attachment lens expand the idea of keeping sexuality vibrant?

It adds the idea of attunement (emotional openness, clarity, and connection) to the focus on novelty.

Define "attunement" in relationships.

How aware and responsive a person is to another’s emotional needs and moods, responding with appropriate language and behaviors.

How does the bonding process in marriage relate to the oxytocin system and the necessity of trust and connection for sexual intimacy?

Unless the relationship is trusted, solid, and connective, sex will likely be primarily a testosterone/estrogen experience (focused on release) rather than bonding through the oxytocin system.

What are the three elements (A.R.E.) that form the foundation for secure attachment and sexual intimacy?

Accessibility: Are partners available and attentive to bids for connection? Responsiveness: Do partners engage and respond with connective gestures? Engagement: Do partners confide in each other, leading to feelings of closeness?

What is the concept of "Elevation" regarding sexuality?

Chastity is not repression but direction, guiding sexual thoughts, feelings, and actions toward one person to elevate the relationship.

Define "authenticity" as used in the text.

Genuine, representing your inborn or native self – who you truly are and are meant to become.

What are some reasons why people might not always be authentic in relationships?

Low or artificially inflated self-esteem. Shame about sexuality. Fear of upsetting a partner (conflict avoidance).

What is the "Sexual Crucible"?

When unresolved individual and relationship problems surface in dysfunctional sexual styles, revealing deep vulnerabilities and fears.

Describe the "Comfort/Growth Cycle".

Couples typically spend most time in the comfort cycle with brief periods of growth when someone takes a risk.

List some "Mormon myths about intimacy" mentioned in the text.

Sex is dirty and sinful

Procreation is the only non-sinful purpose of marital sex

Getting pleasure from sex is wrong

Talking to kids about sex increases curiosity

Righteousness and romance are incompatible

Initiating sex is solely the man's responsibility

Men desire sex, women merely tolerate it

What are the generally agreed upon potential effects of viewing sexual content (pornography)?

Viewing sexual content has the potential to influence expectations and behavior surrounding sexuality.

According to the text, what is the primary purpose of algorithms in online media?

Not to serve you better, but to entrap you in viewing more media by understanding your patterns and demographics.

What are some suggestions for having non-negative conversations about pornography?

Keep things in context and avoid catastrophizing. Frame media boundaries as a manageable challenge. Emphasize that pornography is fake.

What are some key points regarding pornography use and relationships?

Most viewers are not addicts

Shame and alarmist attitudes are unhelpful

Avoid equating sex with porn, and porn with perversion

Breaking secrecy and providing support are antidotes

The decision to ask about past use before marriage is personal

Define masturbation and provide general statistics mentioned in the text.

Masturbation is self-stimulation for sexual pleasure. It is common across ages and genders.

What principles are discussed regarding avoiding masturbation before marriage from a faith perspective?

Sexuality is designed for shared intimacy in marriage, which masturbation doesn't align with.

What are important messages when someone discloses struggles with pornography or masturbation?

Keep things in context and avoid catastrophizing.

Frame media boundaries as a manageable challenge.

Emphasize that pornography is fake

Focus on the possibility of overcoming.

Encourage media-free time and real engagement .

Emphasize strength in faith and authentic relationships

Describe the WOOPS approach for controlling appetites.

W: What is the desired goal? O: Optimal Outcome? O: Obstacles? P: Practice improving, taking small steps. S: Start with a single day.

What are the three principles consistently taught in official Church publications about sexual behavior in marriage?

adultery and pornography are sinful

Beyond that, it's under personal authority

This doesn't mean anything goes

According to the text, what is the most common answer in prayer when seeking guidance?

Nothing is the most common answer, often meaning it is your choice.

What are the four guiding principles for sexual decision-making in marriage?

Marital Unity. Couple Consensus. Positive Attitudes. Sexual Potential.

Define "condemn" and "condone" in the context of same-sex attraction.

Condemn: Judge unworthy of presence, support, love. Condon: Accept behaviors contrary to commandments as morally correct.

What does the text state about sexual attraction?

Not a choice, lifelong, vacillates, indiscriminate.

Describe the "new fluid model" of sexual attraction, particularly for women.

Less biological, more relationship-based, triggered by the person, not just gender.

Define "crystallization" of sexual preferences.

Early sexual experiences can solidify preferences due to brain and hormonal activity during orgasm.

How should parents address the question of "How do I know if I'm gay?"

Emphasize that it's complicated for everyone, feelings ebb and flow.

Sexual behaviors can influence the solidification of preferences

Individuals are judged by their choices, not their feelings, and are loved regardless of preferences