SLF 376 Notes for exam 2

Flashcard 1 (Side A): What is the primary way most communication about sex occurs?

Flashcard 1 (Side B): Nonverbal communication.

Flashcard 2 (Side A): What does nonverbal communication most clearly demonstrate?

Flashcard 2 (Side B): How we feel about what we are doing, how we feel about what we are saying, and how we feel about who we are talking to.

Flashcard 3 (Side A): What happens when there is incongruence between verbal and nonverbal communication?

Flashcard 3 (Side B): People will listen to how we say it (nonverbally).

Flashcard 4 (Side A): What is a prerequisite for effective communication?

Flashcard 4 (Side B): We cannot communicate what we don’t know.

Flashcard 5 (Side A): What does the text mean when it says "all communication is a translation"?

Flashcard 5 (Side B): (This point is made but not elaborated on with a specific meaning in the provided text).

Flashcard 6 (Side A): Define effective communication according to the text.

Flashcard 6 (Side B): Effective communication takes place when intent equals impact.

Flashcard 7 (Side A): Does effective communication always have to be positive?

Flashcard 7 (Side B): No.

Flashcard 8 (Side A): What is one of the most important aspects of communication about sex that partners should do regularly?

Flashcard 8 (Side B): Express your sexual needs and desires regularly to your partner.

Flashcard 9 (Side A): What is key to maintaining good communication when turning down sexual interest?

Flashcard 9 (Side B): How we turn down sexual interest.

Flashcard 10 (Side A): What are some important "don'ts" when turning down sexual interest?

Flashcard 10 (Side B):

• Don’t be passive-aggressive verbally or behaviorally.

• Don’t be impatient.

Flashcard 11 (Side A): What are some positive things to express when turning down sexual interest?

Flashcard 11 (Side B):

• Express appreciation that you are desirable.

• Indicate when sex will likely be possible.

Flashcard 12 (Side A): What is the significance of comfort in talking about sex?

Flashcard 12 (Side B): (This is highlighted as important, but a specific significance isn't detailed beyond the fact that few couples do it regularly).

Flashcard 13 (Side A): Why do very few couples regularly talk about sex?

Flashcard 13 (Side B):

• They never heard open conversation about sex in their entire lives.

• They feel insecure about their sexuality.

• Sexuality is more threatening than other areas of life.

• It seemed to work naturally before, so they hope it will continue.

• Women, often relationship monitors, are less likely to do so in this area.

Flashcard 14 (Side A): What can a lack of open communication about sexuality lead to?

Flashcard 14 (Side B):

• A central reason sexual problems develop.

• One of the reasons problems persist longer than they have to.

Flashcard 15 (Side A): List six principles for effective communication provided in the text.

Flashcard 15 (Side B):

• Listen more than you talk.

• Pay attention to nonverbals.

• Listen for what is not said.

• Reflect back what you heard.

• Manage your emotions, but still express them.

• Empathize with your spouse.

Flashcard 16 (Side A): What is the only real solution to reduce discomfort regarding talking about sex?

Flashcard 16 (Side B): Learn about it and force yourself to talk about it regularly until it becomes as easy as talking about daily activities.

Flashcard 17 (Side A): What should you consider if you can never get comfortable talking about sex?

Flashcard 17 (Side B): Get therapy to figure out the underlying discomfort.

(The previous set of flashcards, starting with Flashcard 1 about Sue Johnson's main points, are also part of the comprehensive set)

Flashcard 29 (Side A): What are Sue Johnson's main points regarding sex?

Flashcard 29 (Side B):

• Sex is a safe adventure.

• Sex is an emotional dance.

• Sex is a potent bonding activity.

• It can be proof of love, a response to anxiety or overwhelming emotion (Solace Sex) for anxiously attached individuals.

• It can be a way to shut down and focus on sensation (Sealed-off Sex) for avoidant individuals, leading to loneliness and lack of enjoyment.

Flashcard 30 (Side A): According to Sue Johnson, what is attachment in marriage all about?

Flashcard 30 (Side B): Physical, emotional, and relational bonds that occur together.

Flashcard 31 (Side A): What was an important finding regarding happily vs. unhappily married partners and their views on sex life?

Flashcard 31 (Side B): Happily married partners attribute less of their happiness to a pleasing sex life compared to unhappy partners. This implies that a quality sexual relationship is necessary but not sufficient for a good marriage.

Flashcard 32 (Side A): How does insecure attachment impact sexual presence and vulnerability?

Flashcard 32 (Side B): If you have an insecure attachment style, being able to be vulnerable and sexually present will be very difficult.

Flashcard 33 (Side A): What can happen if a sexual relationship is not fulfilling in an otherwise secure relationship?

Flashcard 33 (Side B): It will be one of the fastest ways to destabilize it.

Flashcard 34 (Side A): How does looking at sexuality through an attachment lens expand the idea of keeping sexuality vibrant?

Flashcard 34 (Side B): It adds the idea of attunement (emotional openness, clarity, and connection) to the focus on novelty.

Flashcard 35 (Side A): Define "attunement" in relationships.

Flashcard 35 (Side B): How aware and responsive a person is to another’s emotional needs and moods, responding with appropriate language and behaviors.

Flashcard 36 (Side A): How does the bonding process in marriage relate to the oxytocin system and the necessity of trust and connection for sexual intimacy?

Flashcard 36 (Side B): Unless the relationship is trusted, solid, and connective, sex will likely be primarily a testosterone/estrogen experience (focused on release) rather than bonding through the oxytocin system.

Flashcard 37 (Side A): What are the three elements (A.R.E.) that form the foundation for secure attachment and sexual intimacy?

Flashcard 37 (Side B):

• Accessibility: Are partners available and attentive to bids for connection?

• Responsiveness: Do partners engage and respond with connective gestures?

• Engagement: Do partners confide in each other, leading to feelings of closeness?

Flashcard 38 (Side A): What is the concept of "Elevation" regarding sexuality?

Flashcard 38 (Side B): Chastity is not repression but direction, guiding sexual thoughts, feelings, and actions toward one person to elevate the relationship.

Flashcard 39 (Side A): Define "authenticity" as used in the text.

Flashcard 39 (Side B): Genuine, representing your inborn or native self – who you truly are and are meant to become.

Flashcard 40 (Side A): What are some reasons why people might not always be authentic in relationships?

Flashcard 40 (Side B):

• Low or artificially inflated self-esteem.

• Shame about sexuality.

• Fear of upsetting a partner (conflict avoidance).

Flashcard 41 (Side A): What is the "Sexual Crucible"?

Flashcard 41 (Side B): When unresolved individual and relationship problems surface in dysfunctional sexual styles, revealing deep vulnerabilities and fears, as well as potential for profound love, passion, and spiritual transcendence.

Flashcard 42 (Side A): Describe the "Comfort/Growth Cycle".

Flashcard 42 (Side B): Couples typically spend most time in the comfort cycle with brief periods of growth when someone takes a risk. Avoiding risk leads to stagnation, while managing anxiety is crucial for growth. Commitment to the relationship must outweigh commitment to personal views for navigating this cycle.

Flashcard 43 (Side A): List some "Mormon myths about intimacy" mentioned in the text.

Flashcard 43 (Side B):

• Sex is dirty and sinful.

• Procreation is the only non-sinful purpose of marital sex.

• Getting pleasure from sex is wrong.

• Talking to kids about sex increases curiosity.

• Righteousness and romance are incompatible.

• Initiating sex is solely the man's responsibility.

• Men desire sex, women merely tolerate it.

Flashcard 44 (Side A): What are the generally agreed upon potential effects of viewing sexual content (pornography)?

Flashcard 44 (Side B): Viewing sexual content has the potential to influence expectations and behavior surrounding sexuality. Other effects are debated.

Flashcard 45 (Side A): According to the text, what is the primary purpose of algorithms in online media?

Flashcard 45 (Side B): Not to serve you better, but to entrap you in viewing more media by understanding your patterns and demographics.

Flashcard 46 (Side A): What are some suggestions for having non-negative conversations about pornography?

Flashcard 46 (Side B):

• Keep things in context and avoid catastrophizing.

• Frame media boundaries as a manageable challenge.

• Emphasize that pornography is fake.

• Focus on the possibility of overcoming.

• Encourage media-free time and real engagement.

• Emphasize strength in faith and authentic relationships.

Flashcard 47 (Side A): What are some key points regarding pornography use and relationships?

Flashcard 47 (Side B):

• Most viewers are not addicts.

• Shame and alarmist attitudes are unhelpful.

• Avoid equating sex with porn, and porn with perversion.

• Breaking secrecy and providing support are antidotes.

• The decision to ask about past use before marriage is personal.

Flashcard 48 (Side A): Define masturbation and provide general statistics mentioned in the text.

Flashcard 48 (Side B): Masturbation is self-stimulation for sexual pleasure. It is common across ages and genders, with high reported rates in adolescence and adulthood.

Flashcard 49 (Side A): What principles are discussed regarding avoiding masturbation before marriage from a faith perspective?

Flashcard 49 (Side B):

• Sexuality is designed for shared intimacy in marriage, which masturbation doesn't align with.

• Behaviors done in secret contradict the primary purposes of sexuality.

Flashcard 50 (Side A): What are important messages when someone discloses struggles with pornography or masturbation?

Flashcard 50 (Side B):

• Express appreciation for honesty.

• Acknowledge normal sexual feelings and struggles.

• Reassure of love and support.

• Emphasize that control is achievable, progress over perfection.

• Avoid making the issue the central focus.

Flashcard 51 (Side A): Describe the WOOPS approach for controlling appetites.

Flashcard 51 (Side B):

• W: What is the desired goal?

• O: Optimal Outcome?

• O: Obstacles?

• P: Practice improving, taking small steps.

• S: Start with a single day.

Flashcard 52 (Side A): What are the three principles consistently taught in official Church publications about sexual behavior in marriage?

Flashcard 52 (Side B):

• Adultery and pornography are sinful.

• Beyond that, it's under personal authority.

• This doesn't mean anything goes.

Flashcard 53 (Side A): According to the text, what is the most common answer in prayer when seeking guidance? What does it often mean?

Flashcard 53 (Side B): Nothing is the most common answer, often meaning it is your choice.

Flashcard 54 (Side A): What are the four guiding principles for sexual decision-making in marriage?

Flashcard 54 (Side B):

• Marital Unity.

• Couple Consensus.

• Positive Attitudes (neophilia, healthy inhibitions).

• Sexual Potential.

Flashcard 55 (Side A): Define "condemn" and "condone" in the context of same-sex attraction.

Flashcard 55 (Side B):

• Condemn: Judge unworthy of presence, support, love.

• Condone: Accept behaviors contrary to commandments as morally correct.

Flashcard 56 (Side A): What does the text state about sexual attraction?

Flashcard 56 (Side B): Not a choice, lifelong, vacillates, indiscriminate (attraction to those you can't be with is normal). It's unlikely your spouse will always be the most attractive person to you.

Flashcard 57 (Side A): Describe the "new fluid model" of sexual attraction, particularly for women.

Flashcard 57 (Side B): Less biological, more relationship-based, triggered by the person, not just gender. May occur later in life, women may become less exclusive in attraction.

Flashcard 58 (Side A): Define "crystallization" of sexual preferences.

Flashcard 58 (Side B): Early sexual experiences can solidify preferences due to brain and hormonal activity during orgasm. However, preferences are not immutable.

Flashcard 59 (Side A): How should parents address the question of "How do I know if I'm gay?"

Flashcard 59 (Side B): Emphasize that it's complicated for everyone, feelings ebb and flow, sexual behaviors can influence preferences, and individuals are judged by choices, not feelings, and are loved unconditionally.