week 8 - attraction and relationships

the attraction-similarity hypothesis

people tend to develop romantic relationships with those whos levels of physical attractiveness are similar to their own

Perceived Similarity

The overall perception that participants had things in common / had similar personalities was strongly associated with romantic liking than actual similarity

Aron and Aron’s self-expansion model

we may be attracted to others who offer us the opportunity to expand in a variety of ways

Propinquity

proximity, why we end up with people from similar or same backgrounds

Gender differences in attraction 

women are more likely than men to place greater weight on similar attitudes, men are likely to place more value on physical attractiveness

Reciprocity

a potent determinant of attraction, we return feelings and behaviours that make us feel good

Mere exposure effect (Zajonc)

If you take any stimuli (men's faces, Chinese characters, or random words) we tend to say we like the ones that are shown more often

what are the hip to waist ratios most desirable for women vs men?

0.7, 0.9

findings of womens preferences on deep voice

prefer them in late follicular (fertile) phase, in general show preference for both lomg and short term relationships, believed them to be more unfaithful

Axillary odours from gay and lesbian men and women

gay males and lesbians may produce distinguishably different odours than those of heterosexuals, gay males are more likely to be attracted to the body odours of other gay males

What are the categories (5) that we perceive as extremely important for similarity

age, education, race, religion, intelligence

storge love

loving attachment and non sexual affection. This is the type of emotion that binds parents to children

agape love

selfless love, generosity and charity

philia love

love between friends, based on liking and respect

infatuation

state of intense absorption in or focus on another person, usually accompanied by sexual desire, elation, or general physiological arousal 

Can lead to holding idealized images of loved ones, overlooking of faults 

biological mechanisms of love

heightened levels of nerve growth when in love, release of neuropeptides and monoamines involved in the brains pleasure system, heightened arousal of the limbic system 

love as appraisal of arousal

Social psychologists have defined romantic love in terms of a state of intense physiological arousal and the cognitive appraisal of that arousal as love

Physiological: heart rate, sweaty palms, butterflies 

cognitive: appraisal of the physiological arousal to fear or love 

Eros love

romantic love, attraction, fits the ideal

ludus love

game playing love, can be psychologically abusive

storage or philia love

friendship, enduring care and concern for one another

pragma

logical love, consideration of compatibility

mania love

possessive, excited 

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

theory that organizes the relationships among the different kinds of love discussed by many theorists, including passionate love, romantic love, and companionate love

Intimacy (Sternberg)

The experience of warmth towards another person, arises from feelings of closeness, boundedness, and connectedness 

Passion (Sternberg)

an intense romantic or sexual desire for another person, accompanied by physiological arousal

Commitment (Sternberg)

dedication to maintaining the relationship through good times and bad

Infatuation (passionate love) (Sternberg)

strong sexual desire, no intimacy and commitment

love at first sight, all consuming and asymmetric 

Liking

Feelings of closeness and emotional warmth but no passion or commitment

Close friendships, enduring quality

romantic love

passion and intimacy, lacks commitment

More intense than liking

Consummate love

all three elements (passion, intimacy, commitment), difficult to sustain but ideal

empty love

no passion or intimacy, but commitment

Staying together for other reasons (kids, commitments), pragmatic decision making

Fatuous love

passion and commitment, no intimacy

Whirlwind, short-term thinking, not enduring, focus on pleasure based rewards, success depends on transition to something else

Companionate love

Intimacy and commitment, no passion

Passion may be diminished, moves towards being in a committed friendship, can happen in long term relationships

non love

no intimacy, passion, or commitment

openly hostile relationship

what determines initial attraction?

Familiarity, attractiveness, first encounters, evolutionary drives 

matching hypothesis 

we tend to like people who are of similar attractiveness levels to us 

Three main themes of what men and women want in relationships

Warmth and loyalty

Attractiveness and vitality

Status and resources

Three basic components of intimate relationships

1. Feelings of attachment, affection, & love

2. Fulfillment of psychological needs

3. Interdependence between partners (are they reliable?)

social sexual exchange theory

a theory of social exchanges which involves the rewards and costs of maintaining a relationship vs not

ABCDE model

a model that conceptualized romantic relationships in terms of 5 stages: attraction, building, continuation, deterioration, and ending

in the ABCDE model, why does a relationship begin deteriorating

the relationship becomes less rewarding than it was

according to social exchange theory when do relationships draw to an end

partners find little satisfaction in the affiliation and the barriers to leaving the relationship are low

Eli Finkel (2012): three things that dating sites offer

1. access to other people also seeking potential dating partners

2. facilitate communication between potential partners before a in person meeting

3. They attempt to match potential partners according to demographic variables

gender differences in causal sex

, For both males and females sexual assertiveness is associated with greater pleasure, but females tend to report less positive feelings after causal sex than men do

self disclosure and timing of haring personal information

the revelation of personal or perhaps intimate information, but rapid self-disclosure can make others uncomfortable and form negative social impressions

Intimacy 

feeling of emotional connectedness and the desire to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with another person 

One of, if not the most, valued components in older age 

Fosters well being 

Mutual cyclical growth 

feelings of dependence and needing of your partner promotes commitment which encourages you to do good things for the relationship, then your partner sees your pro relationship acts which enhances their trust in the relationship. This overall increases trust and willingness to depend on the relationship

Predictors of relationship satisfaction that favours gay and lesbian couples

better distribution of household chores which are not in terms of gender-role stereotypes

predictors of relationship satisfaction that are consistent across all sexual orientations

receive social support from partners, share power within relationship, fight fairly, perceive their partners are committed to the relationship 

Predictors of relationship satisfaction that favour heterosexual relationships

more likely to have the support of their families, less likely to be stigmatized by society

in which types of cultures is jealousy most common and intense

cultures with stronger machismo traditions (men expected to display their virility), and where men view women’s infidelities as threats to their honour

normal jealousy and obsessive jealously

occasional self-doubts and the belief our partners are attractive to other

consumed by our fears of interference in our relationship 

Internal vs external attributions of infidelity

jealousy increased when individuals attributes their partners infidelity to internal causes, such as clear personal choice vs external causes such as alcohol they feel less jealous 

four types of communicative responses to situations that create feelings of jealousy 

1. constructive (discussing feelings of jealousy)

2. destructive (insults, threats, violence)

3. avoidance (remaining silent)

4. Rival-focused communication (possession, following, stalking, contacting and confronting rival)

sexual communication

talking about sex, likes and dislikes, associated with higher sexual satisfaction

Initiating sex with partners

Young adults more likely to rely on indirect verbal and nonverbal strategies than direct ones

male performance sexual script

The belief men should be sexually skilled and know how to please their partner. This may get in the way of them asking what their partner likes

ratio needed for positive to negative interactions in healthy relationships

5:1