mercutio (fahh)

Benvolio: You know, Mercutio, I’ve kinda got a bad feeling. The Capulets might be around, and we wouldn’t wanna get caught in another fight…

Mercutio: (sarcastic) Oh shuuuut up. What are you, some sort of peacemaker? Such an angel! No, no, you looooove picking a fight.

Benvolio: …Do I????

Mercutio: (sarcastic) Yes! You’re just moody like that, Benny Boo. Didn’t you throw hands when someone rolled the toilet paper under instead of over? And when you lost in Dress to Impress? OH, and when someone was hitting on Romeo? Oh wait, that was me. 

Benvolio: Dang it. Here he comes.

Mercutio: Heh, ask me if I care.

Tybalt: I’d like a word with one of you.

Mercutio: Awww… just a word? And just one of us? I was hoping for something more exciting! (squares up and punches the air)

Benvolio: Guys, are we sure we wanna do this now?? In public?

Mercutio: YES! (flips hair) I LOVE me an audience!

Tybalt: I have no choice! Draw your sword now!

Mercutio: (stepping between them) Stop that! Romeo didn’t do anything. 

Tybalt: (turns to Mercutio) What are YOU gonna do about it?

Mercutio: (draws sword) Maybe I'll fight in his place!

Tybalt: (stabs Mercutio)

Mercutio: (looks at Tybalt) Okay, RUDE?

Benvolio: Ah — are you hurt?

Mercutio: (cutely dying) Yes, obviously?? UGH screw BOTH of these stupid households!! This hurts more than the fact that Romeo will never be miiiiiiiine!!