Wednesday lines pages 8-24

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Gomez: Wednesday has a friend who’s a boy?

Morticia: It’s nothing, darling. Puppy love. Put these in water.

Mom, Dad, I shot dinner.

Morticia: Oh, Wednesday, that’s lovely. Wherever did you find it?

Petting zoo.

Morticia:Thank you, dear. Come, Lurch- we’ll whip up something really special. And this time, we’ll actually cook it. Oh, Gomez- guests for dinner! Fresh meat!

Daddy, I have something very important to tell you.

Gomez: What?

Can you keep a secret?

Gomez: Of course.

Look.

Gomez: If I didn’t know any better I’d say that looked like an engagement ring. ….What are you saying?

Oh, daddy, Lucas wants to marry me!

Gomez: What?!

Lucas Beineke loves me and he wants to marry me!

Gomez: Do you want to marry him?

Yes, I think so.

Gomez: You think so?

Well, I’ve never met his parents, and he’s never met mine, and- I just need to be sure.

Gomez: That he’s the one?

That the families can get along. I mean, he has to know what he’s getting into.

Gomez: What are you saying?

I’m saying we’re who we are, and they’re from Ohio.

Gomez: Ohio? a swing state!

That’s what I mean.

Gomez: You’re right, this is important. Let’s go tell your mother.

No.

Gomez: No? But we have to tell your mother-

Daddy, please! She’ll ask a lot of embarrassing questions and wreck the whole thing.

Gomez: You don’t want to tell your mother you’re getting married?

After dinner and we’re all friends, then we’ll tell her.

Gomez: But I’ve never kept anything from your mother.

Daddy, please!

Gomez: but-

If you love me.

Gomez: But-

Do you love me daddy?

Gomez: (song)

Gomez: Do you realize what you’re asking me to do?

Daddy, one tiny little secret. Please. Please.

Gomez: Okay, okay I promise. I won’t tell your mother.

Oh, thank you daddy! Our little secret, right?

(skip lines)

You’re the father! The father is the canceller. And if after 25 years of marriage you can’t do this one thing for me, then I just don’t know what!

OK, family meeting. About tonight. Now. Here’s the schedule. First we have drinks, like, “Hi nice to meet you.”

Okay. And then they’ll want to see the house, and then at 8, we’ll have dinner and they can be back at their hotel by 9:30.

Morticia: Wednesday, your father has something to tell you.

Gomez: Actually, Paloma, your mother and I have had second thoughts.

What about?

Gomez: This dinner. It all seems so quick-

It’s not quick! Please daddy. it’s just a dinner, and they’re dying to meet you- and I promised Lucas- and you KNOW how I hate to break a promise.

Gomez: yes, Paloma, but your mother and I-

Daddy, I am your only daughter and your eldest child and if you can’t do this ONE thing for me then I just don’t know what!

Gomez: Maybe just a little dinner?

Thank you daddy!

Morticia: It seems I’ve been outvoted. So- dinner it is. Drinks, dinner, and then, The Game.

Oh god, please no! Not the game!

Morticia: But it’s family tradition.

It’s my dinner!

Morticia: It’s my house darling. Dinner, and then the game.

Gomez: One out of two, Paloma. Don’t push it.

Then can we at least all ACT normal?

Grandma: Define normal. shhh…

Morticia: Normal is an illusion, darling. What’s normal for the spider is a calamity for the fly.

mother please-