Chapter 10: Feelings

What is cognitive appraisal?

Experience emotions from given situations based in our interpretation of a given situation and our expectations of the situations

What is physiological perception?

Subconsciously assign emotions to past experiences that we had and how are body felt and changed in response to those situations

What is emotional literacy/ intelligence?

Ability to
-read (identify)
-label
-understand
-act upon
the feelings of oneself and others in a healthy and socially acceptable manner"

What is the first step toward developing empathy?

emotional literacy/ intelligence

When working on emotional literacy, what is important to remember to not assume?

can't assume that what every you first expect someone to be feeling is what they are actually feeling

Why do feelings hurt?

In brain scans social pain and physical brain light up in the same place

what are two wants to develop emotional literacy/ intelligence

-RAIN
-RULER

What does RAIN stand for?

-Recognize
-Accept
-Investigate
-Nurture

What does RULER stand for?

-Recognize
-Understand
-Label
-Express
-Regulate

What are two strategies to be self-aware and be able to emotional regulate?

-cognitive reappraisal
-acceptance

What is cognitive reappraisal?

-reframing
-"How else can I think about this situation"

Do does the acceptance strategy work?

Ok-*pause*
So what? - accept
Now what? - decide how to respond

What are the stages of grief?

-denial
-anger
-bargaining
-depression
-acceptance

Are the stages of grief always linear?

no

Is grief limited to just death?

no

What is someone's usual initial reaction to grief?

denial

What does denial do?

Gives clients some time to gather strength

What is a common sign of denial?

Will have an explanation for everything

What are strategies to deal with denial?

-use objective data
-allow questions

If denial goes on for to long, what might happen?

becomes a block in therapy

What is common in the anger phase?

frustration

Why might someone in the anger phase show frustration?

-Lack of ownership, choices
-Envious of, "lucky ones"

What are some strategies for dealing with anger?

-Do not be defensive
-Validate feelings
-Keep an open environment for clients to discuss feelings

What do clients do in the bargaining stage?

-usually a prayer to a higher power
-clients promise to give up something of value or change lives to be better

What are common questions asked int he bargaining stage?

-what if
-if only

What are strategies for dealing bargaining?

-make clients aware that they are within this phase
-Tell clients that while prayer may be helpful to people who believe, there really are no bargains to be made

while bargaining may show hopefulness, what should you be aware of?

depression

What does someone show int he depression stage?

extreme apathy and lack of purpose

Is depression a difficult stage to work through?

yes

What type of strategies do you use for depression?

strategies for discouragement

What is acceptance (the stage of grief)?

-target stage
-realization that condition is real

Is acceptance complacency? explain

Not complacency, but acceptance of realistic therapy and willingness to engage

If someone is in the acceptance stage what are they ready for?

Not complacency, but acceptance of realistic therapy and willingness to engage

When is acceptance best met?

when you are closest with yourself

What is important to remember with acceptance?

-Grief is not linear
-someone can get to acceptance but that some days still might go back to other stages

What does David Kessler classify as the sixth stage of grief?

finding meaning

What is finding meaning?

not moving on but moving forward

\_______ knows how to grieve, but the \______ doesn't

-heart
-brain

What does David Kessler believe to be the best gift you can give someone who is grieving? why?

-ask them about their loved one, and then truly listen
-helps them not forget their loved one

What is the goal of finding meaning?

Goal is grief with love, not grief with pain

What does the CI matrix do?

create and sustain motivation

CI matrix
clients will display different characteristic depending on the quadrant they are in.
what are some Q1 characteristics?

-energized
-excited
-enthusiastic
-cooperative
-curious
-confident
-impatient

CI matrix
clients will display different characteristic depending on the quadrant they are in.
what are some Q2 characteristics?

-Frustrated
-de-energized
-negative
-unhappy
-defeated

CI matrix
clients will display different characteristic depending on the quadrant they are in.
what are some Q3 characteristics?

-complacent
-unconcerned
-critical
-detached
-uninvolved

CI matrix
clients will display different characteristic depending on the quadrant they are in.
what are some Q4 characteristics?

-comfortable
-stimulated
-controlling
-changeable
-ready

Will everyone is the same quadrant be feeling the same way?

no

You must assess emotions accurately to \________ most effectively

counsel

How are motivated clients connected to goals?

purpose, growth, ownership

How do you know if a goal has become a purpose?

-worth time and energy
-goals are destination

What is the first step to achieve purpose?

first place clients on CI matrix

Purpose connection allows firmer \_________

motivation

Change is not \_________ and clients must commit to \__________

-neutral
-growth

How should challenges be to achieve growth?

balanced between too easy and too hard

clients use \______ the process or make it their \_____

-own
-own

You cannot force a goal onto a client, why?

it is their therapy process

How should you purse growth, what should you do?

Pursue growth as a team and check ownership throughout therapy

What are the steps to determine clients; emotions?

-determine where they are in CI matrix

-make purpose, growth and ownership connections

-Monitor all these steps on a continuing basis and adapt counseling to match

How do you make a growth connection?

-Clarify challenges clients will meet
-Have clients commit to the change.

What is a good way to help someone make ownership connections?

give choices

What are some emotions that hinder progress?

-apathy and boredom
-resistance
-discouragement
-denial

What is counseling all about?

purpose growth and ownership

What is apathy?

-lack of feelings or emotions

What usually causes apathy?

a disconnection with purpose

What might you notice with apathetic clients?

-De-energized
-Unwilling to make effort or practice
-Exhibiting procrastination
-Tuning out during sessions

What might boredom look like?

apathy

What does boredom mean?

Means there is not a connection to growth and improvement

What are some questions that often show that someone is bored?

-"Why is this process so slow?"
-"This is too easy."
-"This is too hard."

If someone is bored but still connected to purpose, what should you do?

reconcile issues with challenge of task

What might clients show with resistance?

exhibit push-back or opposition

What are causes of resistance?

-confused or lack of purpose
-needs or positive feedback or results
-other outside of therapy

If someone is confused or lack clarity of purpose, what should you do?

make sure goals and processes are clear

If someone needs more positive feedback or results, what should you do?

Make sure clients know how they are doing, that they are making progress

If someone's resistance may be related to things other than therapy, what should you do?

check on occurrences in client's lives

What are common sources of resistance?

-obsession
-being overwhelmed
-being frustrated

Who might be responsible for obsession?

advocates

Why might someone become resistant if they try to accomplish too much in too little time?

-they do not yet possess the skills
-too much all at once

If someone does not possess the skill yet, what should you do?

backtrack and work on the skills

If someone is trying to do too much at once, what should you do?

trim expectation

Where does frustration come from?

lack of control

why does frustration come from a lack of control?

-loss of ownership
-loss of personal power

When addressing resistance clients can exhibit high emotions, what should you do?

-stay calm, let them vent, listen, be empathetic

What is the latin root of courage mean?

heart

If addressing discouragement then the client have "lost their \________"

heart

If a client is feeling discouraged, what is our job?

to encourage or enhearten

Discouragement might look like apathy and boredom, but there is \__________

sadness

How is discouragement different from apathy and boredom?

Difference is that clients aren't feeling a sense that therapy is worthless but that it's worthless to try

When addressing discouragement, what should you keep in mind?

ego impedance

When addressing discouragement, what should you avoid?

-cliches
-"i know you can do it"
-telling them they are wrong
-scold them for feeling sorry for themselves

When addressing discouragement, what should you stress?

what you know they accept

When addressing discouragement, what is important to make sure the client knows?

you believe in them

Should you maintain dialogue when addressing discouragement?

yes

What is the opposite of discouragement?

denial

When addressing denial, what should you all clients to do?

pretend they do not have a problem

When clients are in denial, what quadrant are the often in? where do we want them to move?

-Q2
-must move toward Q1

When addressing denial, what should you remember?

-REBT
-clients must observe their irrational thoughts
-convince clients to think differently

When addressing denial, what strategies should you use?

strategies to make progress towards more rational thought

When addressing denial, what should you define?

rational and irrational and categories their beliefs

When addressing denial, what should you ask clients?

-what they are afraid of when discussing their disorder
-what will ahppen if they take no actions steps (if nothing, go from there)

When addressing denial, what should you use?

circle of power

Clients with communication disorders are often \________

bullied