Glinda Lines (OZ)

(Uncle Jason) You all right? Want something to drink? All right. I’m gonna check on your mother.

I got you some popcorn. You should eat something. It’ll make you feel better. It’s not your fault, you know. Okay, well…sometimes it’s better not to say anything. You’re not the only one who lost someone. (Beth leaves) What?

(Beth) That was helpful. Come on Toto. What? Now I’m talking to you. I must really be going crazy. (bubbly music plays)

Hello little flowers, how are you today? Oh hello Mr. Toadstool, you are looking very nice today. Oh it’s such a joyous-

(Beth) I take it you’re Glinda, the Good Witch of the North?

I’m Glinda the Good Witch of the North.

(Beth) That’s kinda what I just said.

You must be Dorothy.

(Beth) I’m Beth actually.

No matter. Would you like to join me for tea? I’ve enchanted this area to provide us with the best of all possible teas. You see, I am a witch.

(Beth) I gathered that from your name. Actually, I’m just trying to find the Wizard so I can get outta here-

He’s a wonderful wizard.

(Beth) I know that. But I’m not really a wonderful Dorothy, and the yellow brick road was sold-

(Sunny) Come sit and have tea with me.

(Beth) I’m not really interested-

SIT AND HAVE TEA NOW!

(Beth) Okay

So I’ve heard that you killed the Wicked Witch of the East. Goody for you. She was a real problem.

(Beth) I didn’t actually-

Girls have to stick together, you know? And now that you have taken out my rival, I’m free to rule this godforsaken planet with an iron fist. I will crush the resistance like so many insects and… (happy again) I mean it will be a happy time for everyone. Flowers!

(Beth) I should get going.

Have some more tea.

(Beth) I’m not a tea drinker.

Everyone drinks tea! Drink it.

(Beth) Do you happen to know how to get to the Wizard actually?

You must go to the guides of Oz. They’ll tell you. Now, can we have some girl chat?

(Beth) Uh…

The Wicked Witch of the West is looking for you. She hates you.

(Beth) I didn’t do anything to her!

(Sunny) Of course you didn’t. But she still hates you anyway. Now: my advice to you: girl to girl. Ruthless domination. Okay?

(Beth) Ruthless domination?

(Sunny) It’s wonderful. If there’s anything in your path that impedes the attainment of your ultimate goals, you have just one thing to do: annihilate it.

(Beth) Are you sure you’re a good witch?

Good. Bad. It’s just about packaging. I’m blonde. See?

(Beth) I gotta go.

And remember: it’s not wrong to kill if it get’s you what you want. (Beth leaves) And don’t step on any flowers! They’ll hate you too. That was nice.