Midterm Love Relationships

SLIDE 15 Love relationships IMportant

Romantic Love

(intense, love at first sight, only one true love, men fall quicker- px., lust & infatuation)

Realistic Love

(conjugal love, married love, realist, love develops over time, based on companionship, comfort & security, not a sexual basis, involves vetting, stalking)

Triangular View of Love

Developed by Sternberg in 1986

Consists of three elements: – Intimacy, passion, commitment

Elements provide a way to describe types of love. Nonlove, liking, infatuation, romantic, conjugal, fatuous, empty, and consummate.

Ludic

use breadcrumbing to string along, juggle several lovers, player

Pragma

logical and rational, chosen for practical reasons, not love

Eros

romantic love, passion & sexual desire, higher relationship satisfaction

Mania

out of control, jealous, possessive, controlling, must have, stalkers when ends

Storge

companionate love, calm, soothing, no passion, respect, friendship

Agape

compassionate love, focus on the well-being of the other (parent-child), not responding to negativity

Five love languages

Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch

social control of love

**Arranged marriage- when parents choose the spouse for their child

• 40% of the world’s population practices arranged marriages (India, Pakistan...)

• Child marriages (age 8-12) in Nepal and Afghanistan to older men

• American parents do their own “mate arranging” by: -moving to certain neighborhoods,

-joining certain churches,

-enrolling children in certain schools, colleges, and universities.

They end up hanging out and falling in love with those in their

Evolutionary Theory

• Love has evolutionary purpose.

• Bonding mechanism between adults who have offspring.

Learning Theory

• Love is learned in a family context.

• Levels of emotional control may be learned.

Sociological Theory

• Love is based on social context.

• One learns that love exists from others.

• Social context teaches appropriate love objects.

Psychosexual Theory

• Love results from blocked sexual desires.

• Love is a function of desires not allowed to express.

• Freud’s theory suggest love dies with marriage

Biochemical Theory

• Love has biological basis.

• Oxytocin is manufactured when infant or another person is present.

• Phenylethylamine makes lovers feel euphoric.

• Emphasizes that love is linked to perpetuation of human species.

Psychological Conditions for Love

Perception of reciprocal liking: if they like you, you pursue them more.

Personality qualities: what are you attracted to? qualities of love object.

Self-esteem: feeling worthy of being loved; fear of abandonment if low;

Self-disclosure: revealing self, vulnerability; alexithymia (inability to show affect/intimacy)

Physiological

chemistry

Cognitive

labeling being in love

Right Time

being available at the same time; timing, not necessarily suitability

MIDTERM - Keeping Love Alive Across Time

• Choose Carefully (similar values, goals, interests...) • Lose your Expectations (principle of satiation: it won’t always be high fun and excitement)

• Expect the Unexpected (life-changing events can and will happen, be prepared)

• Keep yourself Happy and Healthy (be a good partner to your partner; do not expect your partner to fulfill/complete you)

• Support your Partner’s Interests (support your partner’s “healthy” wants and needs)

• Nurture Emotion and Physical Engagement with each other (so neither looks elsewhere)

• Plan and execute New Activities Together (don’t be mundane; try new adventures together)

• Be Responsible and Keep your relationship on Track (Communicate openly, speak out; nurture your relationship)

Love problems

…..

Reactive Jealousy

reacting to something partner is doing (texting an ex)

Anxious Jealousy

obsessive ruminations about partner’s alleged infidelity (torment)

Possessive Jealousy

an attack on the partner or the person being shown attention

Causes of External Jealousy

emotional or sexual interest in someone else; lack of emotional or sexual interest in partner

Causes of Internal jealousy

having been previously cheated on; low self-esteem; lack of other options

Gender Differences in Jealousy

women report higher levels than men. Men care when their women is sexually involved (physical), more than emotionally involved with someone else.

DESIRABLE (Reactive) Jealousy Consequences

• Partner feels cared for

• Partner learns it’s not okay to cheat

• May solidify commitment

• May reignite passion

UNDESIRABLE (Anxious) Jealousy Consequences

• Constant thinking about partner cheating

• Interpret as confirmation of their own inadequacies

• Partner may end the relationship

• May result in arguments, conflict, violence

• Some have stalked and killed the beloved and then self

Polyamry

….