Studied by 3 people
lecture 1 + 2
Eastwick and Finkel 2008 study
before speed dating event, participants rated the importance of a series of characteristics:
Physical attractiveness
Earning potential
Friendliness
– at the end of each date, they rated the person on each of these characteristics
There was no relationship between what people claimed they wanted and who they wanted to date after the event
Non-verbal signals of romantic interest
– Pronk et al., 2021 → smiling, increased eye contact, pupil dilation
– karremans and Verwijmeren 2008 → synchronized gestures and mimicking
– touch on face, neck, torso – less distance
– matching volume and speed of speech, vocal warmth, relaxed speech
Interdependence theory of satisfaction
Social exchange theory applied to intimate relationships (Thibaur and Kelley, 1959)
Rewards = desirable experiences, costs = undesirable relationship experiences
Rewards and costs can be tangible or intangible / social
Costs are particularly influential
Investment model for commitment
High investments may enable couples to weather the inevitable stormy times YET they can also trap people in unhealthy relationships
Attachment
an intimate emotional bond to a particular individual who is see as providing protection, comfort and support
Attachment theory -- John Bowlby
Observed infant and caregiver relationships
Attachment system – form bonds with others, become distressed if they are not there
The evolutionary function of the attachment system
Secure attachment (Fraley et al., 2011)
turns to others when distressed yet believes distress is manageable, more stable and satisfying relationships
Dismissive avoidant attachment (Frelay et al., 2011)
value independence, avoid seeking support when distressed, expect relationship failure, lack emotional intimacy, higher levels of attraction when interacting with potential romantic alternatives , report sense of relief after break-ups
Anxious attachment (Frelay et al., 2011)
hypervigilant about loss and rejection, excessive reliance on others, demanding of closeness and approval, intrusive and overly disclosing, hard time getting over breakups
Fearful-avoidant attachment (Frealey et al., 2011)
high anxiety, withdrawal when upset, avoids coping, relatively poor personal and social adjustment, difficulty expressing feelings
Responsiveness
Personal outcomes: health, well-being, non-defensiveness, intellectual openness
Relationship outcomes: satisfaction, closeness, trust, commitment, prosocial orientation
Sacrifices in relationships
Visserman et al., (2019) : how well can we detect a partner’s sacrifices? Only 50% were detected
Seeing partner’s sacrifices boosts gratitude
Missed sacrifices leave partner feeling underappreciated afterwards – both partners are less satisfied
Wood et al., (2010) : feeling grateful benefits people’s health and happiness + benefits the quality and longevity of relationships
Conflict
Motives, goals , beliefs , opinions or behaviour interfere with those of another
frequency is what to look out for
It is not whether couples experience it, but how they approach it
Criticism (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
attacking personality or character rather than arising disagreements by focusing on specific behaviour
Contempt (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
involves tearing down or being insulting towards partner , disrespect and disgust acting superior
Defensiveness (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
denying responsibility, making excuses or cross-complaining
Stonewalling (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
refusal to respond, withdrawal from conflict and partner
What do commitment and self-control each predict?
Accommodation: inhibit destructive impulses, respond constructively when partner behaves negatively
Staying faithful: resist attractive alternative partners
Forgiveness: inhibit the impulse to ruminate about offense
Predictors of breakup and divorce → Le et al., 2010
Meta-analysis of 137 longitudinal studies of dating and married couples
Commitment, closeness, network support, insecure attachment styles
Durability bias after breakup
hurt of separation typically shorter than people belief
– well-being as single based on:
Wanting to be single
Having high-quality friendships
Perceived social support
Family ideology / endorsement of marriage
Stigma
Traditional norms
