Close relationships

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Eastwick and Finkel 2008 study
before speed dating event, participants rated the importance of a series of characteristics:

* Physical attractiveness 
* Earning potential 
* Friendliness 

– at the end of each date, they rated the person on each of these characteristics 

* There was no relationship between what people claimed they wanted and who they wanted to date after the event 
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Non-verbal signals of romantic interest
– Pronk et al., 2021 → smiling, increased eye contact, pupil dilation 

– karremans and Verwijmeren 2008 → synchronized gestures and mimicking 

– touch on face, neck, torso – less distance 

– matching volume and speed of speech, vocal warmth, relaxed speech
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**Interdependence theory  of satisfaction**
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* Social exchange theory applied to intimate relationships (Thibaur and Kelley, 1959)
* Rewards = desirable experiences, costs = undesirable relationship experiences 
* Rewards and costs can be tangible or intangible / social 
* Costs are particularly influential 
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Investment model for commitment
* High investments may enable couples to weather the inevitable stormy times YET they can also trap people in unhealthy relationships 

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* High investments may enable couples to weather the inevitable stormy times YET they can also trap people in unhealthy relationships 

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Attachment
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an intimate emotional bond to a particular individual who is see as providing protection, comfort and support 
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Attachment theory -- John Bowlby
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* Observed infant and caregiver relationships 
* Attachment system – form bonds with others, become distressed if they are not there 
* The evolutionary function of the attachment system 
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Secure attachment (Fraley et al., 2011)
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 turns to others when distressed yet believes distress is manageable, more stable and satisfying relationships 
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Dismissive avoidant attachment (Frelay et al., 2011)
value independence, avoid seeking support when distressed, expect relationship failure, lack emotional intimacy, higher levels of attraction when interacting with potential romantic alternatives , report sense of relief after break-ups

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Anxious attachment (Frelay et al., 2011)
 hypervigilant about loss and rejection, excessive reliance on others, demanding of closeness and approval, intrusive and overly disclosing, hard time getting over breakups 

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Fearful-avoidant attachment (Frealey et al., 2011)
high anxiety, withdrawal when upset, avoids coping, relatively poor personal and social adjustment, difficulty expressing feelings

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**Responsiveness**
* Personal outcomes: health, well-being, non-defensiveness, intellectual openness 
* Relationship outcomes: satisfaction, closeness, trust, commitment, prosocial orientation 

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Sacrifices in relationships
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* Visserman et al., (2019) : how well can we detect a partner’s sacrifices? Only 50% were detected 
* Seeing partner’s sacrifices boosts gratitude 
* Missed sacrifices leave partner feeling underappreciated afterwards – both partners are less satisfied 
* Wood et al., (2010) : feeling grateful benefits people’s health and happiness + benefits the quality and longevity of relationships 
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Conflict
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* Motives, goals , beliefs , opinions or behaviour interfere with those of another 
* frequency is what to look out for 
* It is not whether couples experience it, but how they approach it
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Criticism (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
attacking personality or character rather than arising disagreements by focusing on specific behaviour
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Contempt (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
involves tearing down or being insulting towards partner , disrespect and disgust acting superior 
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Defensiveness (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
denying responsibility, making excuses or cross-complaining
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Stonewalling (conflict patterns, John Gottman)
refusal to respond, withdrawal from conflict and partner 

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What do commitment and self-control each predict?
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* Accommodation: inhibit destructive impulses, respond constructively when partner behaves negatively 
* Staying faithful: resist attractive alternative partners 
* Forgiveness: inhibit the impulse to ruminate about offense
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**Predictors of breakup and divorce → Le et al., 2010**
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* Meta-analysis of 137 longitudinal studies of dating and married couples
* Commitment, closeness, network support, insecure attachment styles 
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Durability bias after breakup
*  hurt of separation typically shorter than people belief 

– well-being as single based on:

* Wanting to be single 
* Having high-quality friendships 
* Perceived social support 
* Family ideology / endorsement of marriage 
* Stigma 
* Traditional norms