CH 5: Empathic Responding

Subjective empathy

understanding of the client through understanding of oneself and one’s exposure, in reality or imagination, to experiences similar to the client

Objective empathy

understanding from various sources including their own experience or from reputable theories and research findings

interpersonal empathy

the ability to get inside the client’s frame of reference and understand what the client is thinking and feeling together with the ability to communicate this understanding without prejudice

components of thoughtful processing

• understand clients through context

• identify key messages and feelings

• tough-minded listening; listen for slant or spin

• muse on what is missing

Tactics for responding with empathy

• give yourself time to think

• use short responses

• gear your response to the client, but remain true to yourself

• respond selectively to client messages

• respond to the context, not just the words

The three dimensions of responding skills

perceptiveness

know-how

assertiveness

perceptiveness

accuracy of perceptions

know what the client is feeling

know-how

ability to translate perceptions into words

right family of words and intensity

assertiveness

delivering responses into the therapeutic dialogue

telling your perceptions to the client

no response

not saying anything

makes clients think what they say doesn’t dignify a response

distracting questions

asking questions instead of responding with empathy

ignores clients key messages and feelings they have expressed and focuses on helper’s agenda to get more info

cliches

E.g. “The workplace these days is so competitive. It is not uncommon for these things to come up.”

turns helpers into insensitive instructor and sounds dismissive

interpretations

giving interpretive responses rather than expressing understanding

E.g. “Have you ever thought that revenge will cure nothing and probably make things worse.”

fails to respond to the client’s feelings, sounds moralistic, ignores key messages, and is dismissive

advice

giving unsolicited advice out of order of stages

robs clients of self-resonsibility

parroting

just repeating what the clients say without any inner understanding. The response carries no understanding to the client

sympathy and agreement

not the same as interpersonal empathy. sympathy is more in common with pity , compassion, and condolences whereas empathy is more in is understanding and acceptance

faking it

faking understanding when lost or confused by what the client says and not asking for clarification