Play On! Acts 1-3

I know, Violet, I know.

Can we get on with the rehearsal?

Good. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let us take the action from the top of Act 3, we've wasted enough time already.

I've been ready for half an hour.

People, can we have these charming conversations later? We've got to get this show rehearsed.

That's what I've been saying all along. Haven't I, Henry?

Justice tempered with mercy.

I happen to think it's a lovely play.

Sure, you've got the fattest part.

How dare you!

Darling, he means you have the most lines

I know very well what he meant.

I know my lines.

And I know mine.

You are too kind Diana; a pity Sir Percival could not be here.

Do you know I'm worried about Percival, he's never accepted an invitation to one of our parties, and then not shown up, at least, not without sending word.

I do. I just forgot where I'm supposed to say them.

I can't stand it. He's doing this on purpose, I know he is.

That’s what you think. Now shall we begin once again?

(Ad lib assent) (don’t look at me I’m on your side thing lol)

You are too kind Diana, a pity Sir Percival could not be here (2nd time)

Do you know, I’m worried about Percival, he’s never accepted an invitation not to show up at one of our parties, i mean -

Go on. Go on. GO ON!

-To one of our parties and then not shown up, at least, not without sending word.

Should we take it from the top?

Oh, damn it.

Mmm no, I think not, can’t wait for Percival forever. Shall we my dear?

I suppose so. But don’t you think someone should call Percival’s flat and ascertain the reason for his absence.

Got it. This business about Percival and the necklace, he did say he was bringing it tonight, Lady Margret?

Well, actually, I never spoke with him directly, but there was a message delivered this morning in the post.

By jove! Never thought of that. Margret, are you certain about that message?

Why, come to think of it, no.

You didn’t receive a message?

Oh, yes, I did, but now I wonder if it actually were from Percival.

Oh, sorry, just a moment. Yeah, now I’ve got it. But did it come by post?

I - I assumed it had, but -

Assumed, you mean you didn’t actually see it

Why, no.

-Content?

Why, Dr. Forbes, told me what it had said.

What do you mean “If”, I always say “Telegram!”

I don’t give a hoot in hell who says what, can’t we get on with this disaster!?

If we could get through the thing once, we could start polishing our parts.

And when do we get the real furniture, these metal chairs are painful to work on?

Fine, now please, everybody in positions and we’ll pick it up at Billy’s line alright?

(Mumble assent)

See here you insolent young pup. Are you doubting my word?

Of course he isn’t Rex! Stephen you should apologize to Dr. Forbes.

Oh I shall, as soon as Doris answers my question. (Crash)(Falling coffee tray)

What was that?

No sir.

What, are you quite sure?

Even if that’s true, what about the advertising for our show? Won’t some people think it is by Agatha Christie?

So much the better for our box office.

Gerry’s right. Sorry I interrupted. Let’s get back to work.

Which line do we go back to?

Phillis Montague fancies herself a poet.

She is a poet, a rare talent, and a great writer.

Finally I could use a cup.

but we’ve barely gotten started

Let it be a lesson to ya.

I hope we get this act done tonight. Three days till dress rehearsal and we still haven't done a full run through

Brainwashed is more like it.

That's putting it rather strongly Saul.

I'm all set. Anybody else ready to give it a go?

Oh relax, Saul. We're all much too tense, tonight. Why do we keep snapping at each other the way we do. this near the opening we're usually kidding around and having a marvelous time

Amen

We’ll get it somehow no matter how awful a show may look in rehearsal, we always manage to bring it off.

That’s with a printed script Polly. This typewritten stuff is okay don’t get me wrong. It’s all the revisions that are killing us.

But Phylis gave her solemn word

Yes indeed i do hope he hasn’t had an, wait I’ll get it.

I certainly hope so

It’s Polly’s

Oh my, let me see

It’s -

No, don’t tell me I’ll get it

Oh for the love of-

I’ve got it. I’ve got it. Violet, would you -

Roads can be treacherous at night.

Don’t say such a thing. it would make one think that there was perhaps some truth after all in that story about the curse.

And yet - everyone who has ever owned the Delhi Diamond- Gerry does it have to be called that!? It sounds like it comes from a delicatessen!

That’s because you’re not sounding the “h,” Billy. “Dell-hee” - not “Delly”!

Okay so call it the calcutta diamond

You can’t do that! Phyllis Montague told me particularly that she chose that name for its lovely alliteration - “Delhi Diamond” -

Saul! Stop it! There must be another gem we can use -

You shouldn’t tamper with Phyllis’s dialogue - she won’t like it.

Gerry’s right, dear. We should have a different name for it.

Well-

Hey, I like that! It’s got class!

But whatever will we tell Phyllis?!

Oh, yeah… "And yet - everyone who has ever owned the Ranchipur Ruby has always met with a dreadful demise!”

There! You, see? I knew there was a reason for Phyllis’s words. It’s double alliteration: “Delhi Diamond” and “dreadful demise”

So does Phyllis Montague!

Now, really - !

Quite possibly, Lord Dudley - and yet -

And yet - ?

Frankly, I’m glad he’s not here!

Why, Diana, what a thing to say!

When he looks at me - I feel as though his hands were moving all over my body.

But - he is a knight of the realm!

Isn’t that where the phone bell rings? …Oh, wait! I turned two pages at once! Sorry about that!

“Sorry” she says! If she does that during the performance - !

Look on the bright side. Now we know the phone bell works.

That woman! I could - !

No, you couldn’t. Louise has a black belt in karate.

And how do you know I haven’t?

Saul - ?

That does it! I’m through!

Did you all hear what I heard - ?

It sounded like Phyllis!

Probably with 5 new pages of dialogue for you!

Saul, I just accepted one apology from you - do you want to have to make another?!

You do?

Don’t you even remember your own plot, Phyllis?

Popular with our patrons!

And we’re already advertising it as a murder mystery!

Lord Dudley!

Henry!

Polly, don’t be an idiot.

Oh. Yes. But - it was a bit of a shock.

More changes?! Phyllis Montague, do you have any notion how hard it is to do a play - even a play that doesn’t change direction every 3 days?! This script should have been finalized 3 weeks ago!

What’s this?! Lady Margret goes into shock at the news of Diana’s pregnancy and loses the power of speech?!

Well, of course, if you really feel strongly about this matter, dear Geraldine - Polly! How do you feel about it - ?

Well - I - it is rather close to opening night, Phyllis, and - and - of course, perhaps -

Remember - she cut all your speeches -

I’m with Gerry!

Do you think - maybe - we were a little rough on her - ?

She did take it rather hard…

She said once at dinner that - she looks upon this play as her child -

It’s the only offspring she’ll ever have -

See here, you insolent young pup! Are you doubting my word?!

Of course he isn’t, Rex! Stephen, you should apologize to Doctor Forbes!

No, sir (2nd time)

What, are you quite sure (2nd time)

Phone rings “Does that answer your question?”

Stephen, I believe you owe Doctor Forbes an apology.

Hello? …What? …Ah! Yes, I see… Yes, thank you! Thank you very much!

Why - Dudley you look so strange! What did Percival say?

Line up along the front of the stage, will you? I want to see how you all look. The costumes seem to fit all right…

I think mine’s just a bit too small for me…

I didn’t say a word!

And you’d better not!

Polly, be fair! It’s one thing if he picks on you - but if you’re going to blow up every time you think he might say something - !

Yes. You’re right. I’m sorry, Saul. Just - rehearsal jitters, I guess.

Good. Now - turn around, all of you, slowly, so I can see what you look like in the back… Mmm - yes - yes - yes, you all look fine… oh, wait a minute! Violet, why aren’t you wearing a bustle like Polly?

I’m not wearing a bustle!

Oh! Oh, dear, I’m sorry!

You’re sorry!

But we must! I’ve just discovered that there is a movie with the same title - Murder Most Foul!

Phyllis, no one in the audience is likely to be confused. They can see this isn’t a movie!

Don’t ask. Just grit your teeth and pray you’ve got ‘em!

I thought you wanted us to go straight through without interruption?! With Phyllis back there listening for nuances - !

Oh, that’s right. Of course, she’s quite a good-looking maid - !

Henry!

Nonsense. I was once in love, myself!

Why does he say that in the past tense?!

Polly, please - !

Sorry.

I simply must see myself in it. Let me go find a mirror.

Diana! That necklace! how dare you! take it off at once!

Lady Margaret, I was only

Take it off I say this instant

here now, lady Margaret there’s surely no harm done…?

No, harm you say, how could you endanger the life of this dear girl and your own fiancé

Yes yes I think so it was just momentary the room seemed to dip my head started to spin oh but I’m quite alright now

I shall place this where it can do no more harm

Aren’t you being silly lady Margret

Perhaps I am but it is better to be safe than sorry

Should you not at least wait until lord Dudley has seen his newest possession

He shall see it in good time when I feel brave enough to wear it and do not forget he purchased it for me so it is in actuality mine to deal with as I choose oh dear I pushed it too far

Sure sure I just keep forgetting to read them

We’ll never be ready by tomorrow night never we’re here almost an hour already and we’re not even halfway through the first act

Has everyone got the new name for that stupid gem

(Mumble scared assent)

You are too kind Diana. A pity sir Percival could not be here

(Afap) Do you know I’m worried about Percival he’s never accepted an invitation to one of our parties and then not shown up at least not without sending word

Yes indeed I do hope he hasn’t had an accident these roads can be treacherous at night (smitty gasps)

Uh I oh damn it all to hell

Go ahead Polly the roads can be treacherous at night

My my mind gone blank I can’t think I

Don’t say such a thing it would make one think

Oh yes of course don’t say such a thing it would make in think that perhaps there was some truth after all in that story about the curse

Beautiful just beautiful

PHYLLIS

Quite possibly lord Dudley and yet

And yet

Frankly I’m glad he’s not here

Why Diana what a thing to say

Right I’m sorry I feel as though his HANDS were moving all over my body

B but he is a knight of the (dies laughing)

That’s it laugh it up we’ll see just how funny you think it is tomorrow night

A knight of the realm

Mmm no I think not cant wait for Percival forever. Shall we my dear?

I suppose so but dont you think someone should call Percival’s flat and ascertain the reason for his absence.

This business about Percival and the necklace, he did say he was bringing it tonight lady Margret?

Well, actually, I - I -

Now what’s the matter

I just thought - Saul brings the necklace, in the first act, and i put it in the safe - so how can i say - ?

Can you handle that, Polly?

I - I think so - let me try it…