Personal Development

**Relationship**

• As per Merriam Webster,  this is the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.

• This is essential to happiness

• The absence of relationships can make an individual feel worthless, powerless, and alienated.

• Our very humanity is defined by relationships.

**Personal Relationship**

• A type of relationship which is closely associated with a person and which can only have meaning to this person

• Close connection between people formed by emotional bond and interaction

  • These can grow and be strengthened by mutual experiences

Privacy and Intimacy

Two characteristics of **Personal Relationship**

• Family

• Friend

• Significant Other

3 kinds of personal relationship

**Secure Attachment**

* Happens when the primary caregiver is most of the time present and available.

**Secure Attachment**

* Children who are exposed to this will grow up to have more secure and stable relationships.

**Avoidant Attachment**

Happens when the primary caregiver is cold, detached, and unresponsive to a child's needs.

**Avoidant Attachment**

* \[Attachment\] They will struggle in future relationships, and might suffer from isolation.

**Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment**

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* Happens when the primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of presence and meeting the child's emotional needs.

**Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment**

• People who experienced this may suffer separation anxieties.

• May develop hesitancy and commitment problems

British Broadcasting Company (BBC)

Who said that attraction is the first stage in a continuum of stages that lead to intimacy and commitment. 

Helen Fisher

who said that  attraction is primarily based on physiology or certain hormones that persons who get attracted to others pick up with their noses.

Lust

Attraction

Attachment

Three stages in falling in love

**Lust**

* Driven by the sex hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone.

**Attraction**

• Lovestruck phase

• Develops infatuation

• Hormones are involved: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

**Attachment**

• Long-lasting commitments

• Oxytocin is produced

  • Released during childbirth to help in breastfeeding and during orgasm; it promotes intimacy.

• Vasopressin is produced

  • Promotes long-term relationships

Pheromones

* odorless chemicals found in urine and sweat which can be detected by our nose—it is involved in the assessment of a future mate as it is an indication of a person’s immune system.

Transference Effect

Pronpiquity Effect

Similarity

Reciprocity

Physical Attractiveness

Personality Characteristics and Trait

Rozenberg Quarterly’s theories related to attraction and liking

**Transference Effect**

• These are times we meet people who we immediately like or dislikes.

• These is due to the reason that they remind us of some people in the past that has affected our sense of self and behavior

• Our present relationships can be affected by our past ones

• Bad experiences from the past can be associated with new persons in our life

**Propinquity Effect**

• We often develop a sense of familiarity with the people who we are close with—lives with us, works with us, and go to school with us

• People we are familiar with makes us feel safe and secure

• We find familiar people more likable for we can predict their behavior

**Similarity**

• We often like people who have similarities with us—social class, religion, beliefs, age, and education

• Similarity is a validation of our innermost values and belief system

• Aron, Kalick, and Hamilton (1988)

  • Similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a mate because it promotes intimacy, trust, empathy, and long-lasting relationships.

**Reciprocity**

• We like people who like us back

• The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking

**Physical Attractiveness**

• A major factor in liking someone, and usually, first impression counts a lot

• Both male and female are equal in their preference for _______

**Personality Characteristics and Traits**

* People get attracted to two characteristics that lead to liking others—emphatic persons and socially competent person

Emphatic persons

• Exude warmth and sympathy

• Optimistic

• Maintain positive views

Socially competent person

• Good communicators

• Enjoy good conversations

• A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from kinship or close friendship

• A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person accompanied by sexual attraction

• A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god

• A feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god toward humans

• Sexual desire or activity; pleasures of love; night of love

The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as:

Intimacy

Commitment

Passion

Proponent of Triangular Theory of Love

**Intimacy**

• That lovely moment when someone understands and validates us

• Being intimate with another person is about being open and vulnerable to that person whom we deeply trust, we feel connected with, and values us with unconditional positive regards

• Communication is a key component in developing intimacy

  • Here, self-disclosure is practiced which leads to profound and meaningful conversation that nurture and strengthen intimacy

    • Self-disclosure requires honesty for it to work

**Commitment**

• An act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another person

• Values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to one’s behavior or thinking

• Continuous process of showing love and care

**Passion**

• Intense state of being that drives and consumes a person to pursue an interest, vision, or a person

• In terms of romantic love, passion means sexual attraction

Liking

Infatuation

Empty Love

Romantic Love

Fatuous Love

Companionate Love

Consummate Love

Non-Love

Sternberg’s eight forms of love

__Liking__

Intimacy Alone

__Infatuation__

Passion Alone

__Empty Love__

Commitment Alone

Romantic Love

Intimacy + Passion

__Fatuous Love__

Passion + Commitment

__Companionate Love__

Commitment + Intimacy

__Consummate Love__

Intimacy + Commitment + Passion

__Non-love__

Absence of intimacy, commitment, passion

• Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

• Temptation of alternative partners

• Investments made by the couple in the relationship

**Variables Related to Commitment**

**Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship**

• Most important determinant of satisfaction in a relationship

• Rewards of the relationship are:

  • Support from partner

  • Sexual satisfaction

  • Emotional, Financial, and Physical security

  • Adventure and novelty

**Temptation of alternative partners**

• Temptation of alternative partner can rock the relationship and destabilize the commitment of a couple

• Fewer options of alternative = Lower possibility of breakup

**Investments made by the couple in the relationship**

• These are also important in maintaining commitment

• These include:

  • Time spent together

  • Common beliefs and experiences

  • Mutual friend experiences

  • Bearing children

• Criticism

• Denial of existence of conflict

• Contempt

3 **Behaviors that Predict Separation**

**Criticism**

• Happens when there is the absence of unconditional positive regard for each other

• Constantly finding fault to each other

• Positive and constructive criticism is preferred and done in a light and playful manner

**Denial of existence of conflict**

• When one part eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to discuss it

• Belittling the problem that results in frustration of each party

**Contempt**

• Present when someone looks down on the part as inferior—expresses superiority over the other

• Ultimate expression of disillusionment and highly predictive of divorce

• Live longer

• Deal with stress

• Be healthier

• Feel richer

• Decreased immune function

• Higher blood pressure

**Why are Personal Relationships Important? [6]**

Social alienation

An inevitable result of contemporary society’s preoccupation with materialism and frantic “busy-ness”

**Social Relationships**

• Less intimate

• Lesser self-disclosure

  • May still be exclusive

• E.g. Frats and Religious Orgs

**Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relations (2006) by Daniel Goleman**

* Explains how a part of the brain located above the eyes—__*Orbitofrontal Cortex (OFC)*__—is connected directly to the three major regions of the brain
* **C**ortex
* **A**mygdala
* Brain Stem

**Orbitofrontal Cortex (OFC)**

• Provides an immediate connection between thoughts, emotions, and behavior

• Immediately calculates our feelings and thoughts

**Social Influence**

* happens as a result of interacting with other people with similar experiences; henced, deemed subject matter experts.

**Herbert Kelman**

Proposed the three types of social influence

• Compliance

• Identification

• Internalization

According Herbert Kelman, the three types of social influence are:

**Compliance**

• When a person seems to agree, and follows what is requested or is required for them to believe in

• Does not necessarily have to really believe or agree

**Identification**

When a person is influenced by someone they like like movie star, superhero, singer, or celebrity

**Internalization**

• When a person is able to own a certain belief or act

• Willing to make it publicly and privately

**Conformity**

• Change in behavior, belief, or thinking to be like others

• Most common and pervasive

• Brought by peer pressure

• Strong among middle and late adolescents

  • These people tend to seek approval from others and crave belongingness in a group

**Conversion**

• An individual whole-heartedly changes his or her original thinking to align it with others

• E.g. Religious conversions

  • Hopping from a complete set of culture and beliefs to a new one

**Minority Influence**

• A bigger number of people are influenced by a much smaller group

• When the minority’s way of look at and doing things are accepted

**Reactance**

• Willing rejection of a social influence being exerted on an individual or group

• Anti-conformity or nonconformity

• Rejection of influence

**Obedience**

• A person follows what someone tells him or her to do

• Not necessarily reflect one’s beliefs or values

• Stems from either respect or fear of authority figure

**Persuasion**

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Influencing others by appealing to reason or emotion

Chester Barnard (1938)

Who said that “Leadership is the ability of a person in a position of authority to influence others to behave in such a manner that goals are achieved”

French and Raven (1960)

Who said that

• Power is also annexed to leadership

• A leader may obtain power through various means and sources such as position, expertise, respect, and reward

• Trait Theory

• Behavioral Theory

• Participative Theory

• Situational Theory

• Transactional Theory

• Transformational Theory

Theories of Leadership

**Trait Theory**

* Leadership based on certain personality traits
* E.g. divisiveness, persistence, self-confidence, and assertiveness

**Behavioral Theory**

• Leadership is a learned behavior

• Leaders are defined according to certain types of behavior they do

**Participative Theory**

Leader involves other people to make common decisions

**Situational Theory**

• Leadership behavior is based on the factors present in a situation

• Takes into consideration how a follower behaves

**Transactional Theory**

• Leadership involves transaction or negotiation of resources or position

• Employs reward and punishment

**Transformational Theory**

• Leader uses to rally support from followers

• A leader motivates others to support vision and make it happen

Authentic Leadership

______ is primarily determined by how followers view the leader; thus, attributing a leader’s authenticity through the eyes of their followers

• Leadership is situational

• Leadership is Non-hierarchical

• Leadership is Relational

The three basic axioms of leadership are

**Leadership is situational**

• A leader’s behavior and what is required of him will always be influenced by the situation.

• Leader is able to assess a situation quickly, adjust to it, and give solutions.

**Leadership is Non-hierarchical**

• Leadership is not based on level and organization chart alone

• Leadership is dependent on other factors such as characteristics, skills, and even connections

**Leadership is Relational**

Leader and members establish a relationship where their interest are mutually met

**Leader-Member Exchange Theory**

• states that a leader’s effectiveness is measured by the quality of his relationship with his followers

• There should be an exchange of resources between leader and follower that is meaningful and fair

**Heroic Leadership by Chis Lowney**

• Leadership that the members of the Society of Jesus to live by

• EvFeryone is a leader and everyone gets a chance to lead

• Self-Awareness

• Ingenuity

• Love

• Heorism

Four principles that Heoric Leadership follows

**Self-Awareness**

Knowing and understanding one’s strengths and weaknesses

**Ingenuity**

• Flexible in this constantly changing world

• Do not stuck in one’s comfort zone

**Love**

• A healthy self-concept generates a positive attitude when deadline with other people

• People who receives respect gives respect

**Heroism**

* Motivating and inspiring other people to reach for higher goals

• Athenticity

• Significance

• Excitement

• Community

Four elements of heroism followers want for a leader

**Family according to** *Merriam Webster Online Dictionary*

A group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head

*Belen T.G. Medina, PhD, Filipino Sociologist*

Two or more persons who share resources share responsibility for decisions share values and goals and have a commitment to each other over time

• Nuclear Family

• Single Parent Family

• Extended Family

• Childless Family

**Four Essential Types of Family** According to **Toby Shelton**

Extended

• REPUBLIC ACT NO 9994)

• All close relatives live together and share every household responsibility and economic expenses

**Procreation**

An individual sets up after marriage and starts living together with their in-laws under one same roof

**Nuclear**

• (EO NO. 209 s. 1987/Family Code)

• It is a small group of people that includes a husband, a wife, and children (natural or adopted)

**Complex**

An extended family where three or more adult members live together with their children

**Step**

* Adults have separated and remarried and brought children from their other units to create a new nuclear group

**Single parent**

• (RA 8972 /Solo Parent's Welfare Act)

• It consists of one parent and his/her children. Such families can be the result of the death of a parent, separation, divorce or single-parent adoption

**Foster**

• (REPUBLIC ACT NO. 10165/ Foster Care Act of 2012)

• It involves one or more parents who play the role of a temporary guardian for one or more children

**Childless**

These units include a couple with no children

**Adopted**

• (REPUBLIC ACT NO. 8552/ THE DOMESTIC ADOPTION ACT OF 1998)

• A couple may adopt a child with whom they don't share any genetic relation