AI play lines

START OF MOM LINES

DAD. There she is!

Our baby girl. (sigh sadly)

DAD. Oh look our friend just posted about their daughter getting into Harvard!

Wow.

DAD. And she went to a national dance competition and took first place!

Look at that video of her doing flips while at the same time maintaining a straight-A average!

DAD. Nothing (sighs sadly)

Here’s a post another friend of ours made about her daughter— she went viral and got three hundred thousand views and now has a book deal.

ELEANOR. Well, I’m not going viral.

…yeah (sigh)

DAD. Sweetie, it’s only unhealthy if we lose.

We used to be fun people with our own interests. Before we decided to have you.

ELEANOR. It’s eight o’clock

There’s no point in staying awake.

SCENE 4:

ELEANOR. I turned in the paper and everything was cool until the next day- when my parents got a phone call. On their landline. (phone rings)

What is that noise?

DAD. It seems to be coming from this small machine!

What should we do?

DAD. I’m going to answer it!

Be careful.

PRINCIPAL O’NEAL. I said ignore the guards.

She does that sometimes. Defiant.

DAD. We tried our best with this one, honestly. Sometimes things don’t work out.

It’s okay, honey.

ELEANOR. What did I tell you?

Eleanor.

MISS WRIGHT. Can I hug you?

ELEANOR. Um…

OH MY GOSH HUG YOUR TEACHER CAN’T YOU SEE SHE NEEDS THIS?!

ELEANOR. Oh. Um. Sure, yeah

Oh my gosh I can’t wait to hear this.

PRINCIPAL O’NEAL. I’m trying to find the right word…

MISS WRIGHT. Bad.

Oh.

DAD. Yes! I knew it! (takes out phone) Posting to facebook now! In your face every other parent!

Wait till they finish, Steve

DAD. Sending my daughter off now to the Learning Center for Special Genius Children where she will be so much better than your kids… Oh look at this, trees that are alive! Woo! Life is so Good.

MOM. Eat, Pray, Love, losers!

ELEANOR. Can you stop?

Hey. We spent a lot of time and effort on you and it’s finally paying off. We get to gloat.

RYDER. All right. Catch you later.

ELEANOR. Please

He was cute.

ELEANOR. What are you guys even still doing here?

We wanted to make sure you were okay and let you know that we are so proud of your accomplishments.

DAD. I got forty-seven likes on my post about you going to the special genius school. Forty-seven.

Just remember: you are not alone. The spirits of your ancestors are watching you- all of their hopes and dreams have culminated in you, their entire reason for existing was to create you and give you life and see you accomplish your dreams.

ELEANOR. Oh.

No pressure!

DAD. I think her dream is RYDERRR

ELEANOR. Leave!

Okay, we’re leaving. Have fun in special genius school.

SCENE 16: after Ryder says “cool”

There she is!

DAD. Our baby genius girl from the special school!

What are you doing home?

ELEANOR. I have something I have to tell you. I used a chatbot to write my paper on The Great Gatsby.

Wha-a-a-a-t?!

DAD. It’s got “great” right there in the title!

The lies! The lies are what hurts!

START OF GUARD 2 LINES:

PRINCIPAL O’NEAL. I know! Usually I have to say terrible things!

Now our presence isn’t even threatening!

GUARD 1. I hear that. Up top.

My walkie-talkie doesn’t even work. I just speak into the void sometimes. (speaking into walkie-talkie) The lion sleeps tonight. I repeat, the lion sleeps tonight.

MISS TERRI. And this is Ryder.

RYDER!

ELEANOR. So how would we sneak past us? So we watched them. We observed their movements.

Did you say something?

GUARD 1. What?

You were saying something.

RYDER. Let’s go!

ACHOOO