CEE 5900: Prelim I

Project managers, primarily, get work done through the efforts and coordinated contributions of:

many other people

Emotional Intelligence

the ability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between the different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior

What are the four skills of EI?

Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management

emotion

a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others

SASHET

scared, angry, sad, happy, excited, tender

What type of effect can your emotions have on your body?

What type of effect can your body have on your emotions?

strong, direct

Self Awareness

understanding ourselves and our emotions

Self Confidence

the ability to be grounded, secure, and self-assured in whatever situation we find ourselves in

Intelligence Quotient

a way of measuring our mental horsepower relative to others our age (verbal comprehension, perceptual reasoning, memory, how fast we learn relative to others)

Personality

defined by traits such as levels of extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism, and open-mindedness

What are emotions?

Numerous complex electro-chemical reactions in our brain

What are the three parts of our brain?

Neocortex, limbic brain, reptilian brain

What does the neocortex do?

Rational thought, language, imagination

What does the limbic brain do?

Emotional memories, processing emotions, value judgements

SUBCONSCIOUSLY

Reptilian brain

Primary life support (breathing, heartbeat); Instinctual responses; Some compulsive behaviors

Amygalda

Part of the limbic brain; Stores memories of emotional events; Strong powerful emotional responses (fear and anxiety); Fight, freeze, flight

Amygdala Hijacking

Words and/or behaviors were not what you would have done if you were in a different emotional state

How can you handle amygdala hijacking?

Recognize and acknowledge your emotions as they occur; Bite your tongue; Use breathing techniques; Seek understanding and/or shared context

What happens when you think something is unfair?

1. Rational brain is outpaced by limbic brain

2. You think you are being rational when you are not

3. You may feel the urge to have others agree with you and justify it

4. You will say and do things that seem rational to you

5. Others will likely see you as over-reacting or immature

Our emotions are dictated by:

Similar experiences; Our brain experiences similar emotions when “similar situations” occur

Emotional reactions within our brain are the same during ____ situations:

Real, imagined, remembered, perceived

What are some active forms of breakdown?

Slamming doors, sarcasm, holding grudges, venting, snapping back

What are some passive forms of breakdown?

Withdrawal, giving up, withholding information, playing the victim, chickening out, not speaking up

Stressors

Things that cause pressure, discomfort, and uncertainty (NOW) (Pre-thinking, hot words, perceived criticism, deadlines, environmental triggers, illness)

Triggers

Things that bring forward emotions based on past experiences and may initiate from any of the senses and can be from a variety of causes

Pre-thinking

consciously or subconsciously erroneously image negative outcomes, which cause fear and anxiety

Prospective Hindsight

Consciously imaging a future state of looking back at something undesirable that you imagine could happen (but hasn’t happened yet) and then using that imagined hindsight to take steps to reduce the risk of that undesirable situation

ANTS

Automatic Negative Thoughts: Triggered by an event, place, person, or other stimuli (Tend to be crippling; Manifests in self doubt, guilt, abuse, etc)

Cognitive distortions

Common mental filters that can lead to bad decisions, anxiety, feeling bad about ourselves or others

Filtering

The act of filtering out, ignoring, or weighing lightly the positives in a situation while dwelling or even magnifying the negatives

Polarization

Viewing yourself and/or situations as an ALL-OR-NOTHING

Overgeneralization

Taking an isolated negative comment or event and treat it like a consistent and never-ending negative pattern (Always, never, nothing, everything, etc)

Discounting the positive

Discounting or dismissing the value of positive comments, events, or aspects

Jumping to conclusions

Interpreting something as negative without sufficient supporting data

Catastrophizing

Jumping to a WORST possible conclusion, regardless of how improbable that is

Personalization

Feeling guilty or assigning blame to yourself when that is not the accurate or complete picture; You think a statement by a person about themselves is a statement against you

Control fallacy

You feel response (in control of) everything in your life OR you feel you have no responsibility and/or no control over many things in your life and work

Fairness fallacy

You think the world should be fair and you think your view of fairness is correct and others should share the same view of what is fair

Blame

The belief that others are more responsible for your emotions and your feelings than you are

“Should” statements

Unrealistic, idealistic, iron-clad rules or expectations on yourself (and on others) that do not allow for different specific circumstances

Emotional reasoning

Taking emotions and treating them like facts or as accurate results of facts that are not substantiated

Fallacy of change

Expecting others to change who they are in order to suit your expectations, especially by applying repeat pressure

Global labelling

Labelling that takes a single or few attributes and treat them like a larger absolute (may be accurate or mislabeling); Negative or extreme labeling that is a “stretch”

Always being right

Viewing your own beliefs and opinions as facts; Often willing to go to lengths to argue or prove your beliefs are right, and close minded to beliefs of others if they do not align with yours

Inappropriate Humor

Teasing, ridiculing, pointing out differences

Sometimes used to avoid professionally addressing an uncomfortable topic

Sarcasm

Indirect method of expressing: Anger, aggression, contempt, hatred, fear, insecurity

Not always bad, but you would benefit from thinking and checking its appropriateness. Is the relationship and trust strong enough so that sarcasm is not harmful?

How can we deal with sarcastic people

1. Try to understand why (private)

2. Let them know your expectations (private)

3. If a public correction is needed, drill down (ask them to explain what they mean)

Passive-aggressive behavior

Calm, quiet, subtle troublemaking

What are some examples of passive-aggressive behavior?

Not showing up, not meeting obligations, “forgetting” to include or inform, stubbornness

What is often the underlying emotion behind passive-aggressive behavior?

Anger

Playing the Victim

Complaining about things rather than affecting change; Lack of honesty to ourselves about the role we do; Rationalization for reduced responsibility; Excuse for unsatisfactory situations

What do individuals who play the victim do?

1. Ignore what they could have done to cause a different outcome

2. Concede to a position of powerlessness

3. Is in no position to prevent repeat situations

What are some corrective measures for playing the victim?

Ask yourself:

• What is your role in the situation?

• What can I do differently?

• How can I stay positive?

• How can I change my mood?

• What options would I propose to a friend in a similar position?

Hostility/Defensiveness

Irresponsible, damaging, intimidating, venting

Reactivity

People, requests, or events bother you more than is beneficial

Other people may view you as “a bit” overly sensitive

Criticism

Hurtful and disrespectful of others; A response by someone feeling hurt, vulnerable, or insecure

Self-Confidence

A strong sense of one’s self worth and capabilities

What are some aspects of people with high self-confidence?

• Self-assured

• Have a “presence”

• Comfortable and effective even when view is unpopular

• Decisive, good decision maker

• None of the seven behavioral red flags are prominent

• Comfortable learning from failure

What are some different words for “problem”?

Challenge, opportunity

Labels/names change ___

Reality

Attribution Theory

Study of the mechanisms and processes involved with the assignment of an assumed reason for what we see, or think we saw

Naturally assign a logical reason for events or behaviors to make sense of what we observe

What is the typical subconscious mental process that describes attribution theory?

Observation —> Interpretation —> Attribution —> Response

Internal attribution

Assign the cause of events or behaviors due to something within the person

External attribution

Assign the cause of events or behaviors to something situational (outside the person)

Attribution bias/errors

Assign the cause of events or behaviors inaccurately, often focusing on the person (internal attribution bias) over the environment

Shyness is _____ of personality

Not a part of

Is shyness correlated with introvertedness or extrovertedness?

No

What does shyness actually indicate?

A light level of anxiety in certain social situations, and the resultant behaviors subconsciously caused by those feelings

Empathy

Ability to read the unspoken thoughts/feelings of others

Ability to appreciate and understand the unspoken thoughts and feelings of other

Capacity to respect and value people from diverse backgrounds or cultures and/or with different views, values, opinions, and motivations

Empathy ___ ____ infer agreement or sympathy

Does not

Sympathy

“Feelings of loyalty” or “unity or harmony in action or effect”

What is the difference between empathy and sympathy?

Sympathy: Shared feelings of others

Empathy: Tends to be used to mean imagining, or having the capacity to imagine and understand, the feelings that one does not actually have

Self-orientation

Imposing our views on others to have them consider the way we think as “right”

Results-driven

Projects are by nature results-focused

Often have the drive to improve, upgrade, fix, or finish

Good for managing the project itself, but bad for managing communication and relationships

AEIOU: What does A stand for?

Appreciative

When someone is talking to or even at us, they are sharing what they think is important. If we appreciate what they are sharing, they are likely to share more

AEIOU: What does E stand for?

Empathetic: Your ability to empathize with their emotions is possibly the most important factor in listening well

Try not to be judgmental as you listen

AEIOU: What does I stand for?

Inquisitive: By remaining curious, we encourage the speaker to continue to expose more of their thoughts and emotions

AEIOU: What does O stand for?

Open-Minded: Everyone you speak with knows things you don’t

AEIOU: What does U stand for?

Understanding: Must learn what is important to someone else to communicate and work well together; Seek to understand the factors that affect others, and how they view them

Do any of the AEIOU terms require agreement.

They do not require agreement with the speaker

What are some of the awkward, undeveloped skills of empathetic listening?

1. We plan ahead how we will talk to someone, but rarely plan on how to listen

2. We interrupt

3. We treat listening as “waiting our turn” to plan our response

4. We judge as we listen, and/or stop listening when we disagree

5. We switch the focus to OUR similar experience

Why is Empathy Not Easy: “I’m smarter or know something you don’t”

Others do not think and feel the way we do, so we feel the need to fix that (“correct” them)

We naturally criticize and compartmentalize other’s feelings

What are some of the positive outcomes of empathetic listening?

1. Help the speaker know they are valued and important

2. Communicate deeper

3. Appreciate emotions

4. Build trust

5. Learn more

During empathetic listening, you should not ____, such as looking at your computer

Multitask

Receive less of the message and signal that we do not value their input

Phubbing

The practice of ignoring one or more people in order to pay attention to one’s phone or other mobile device

What would be beneficial during empathetic listening?

1. Staying in the moment: Don’t try to recall or develop thoughts into what you might say in reply; Simply listen

2. Seek knowledge: Assume you have something to learn

3. Empathize, don’t relate: Don’t relate what you’re hearing to a “similar” experience you’ve had. Listen for what’s unique in their experience, empathizing without trying to draw parallels

4. Summarize only when appropriate

5. Don’t make judgements

6. Watch for emotions: Observe the speaker’s emotions (Empathize more, listen better, distracted less)

Co-creation

Both people play a role in the quality of the working relationship

Infers that both must work on the relationship and that neither is 100% a victim