Marriage and Family Exam 2

In regards to finance, which couple is most likely to be happy?

The couple who focuses on paying down their debts rather than buying new toys.

You're trying to improve your credit score, what would be a bad idea?

Get as many credit cards as you can

What are 3 signs that you are NOT good at money management?

You don't know the size and interest rates of your debts

You're constantly hit with late fees

You don't track your spending

Statistically full-time working women make less than full-time working men. How is this statistic calculated?

Its a comparison of the earnings of all full-time working women with all full-time working men

A study found, day to day reported happiness is said to go up until a certain dollar amount. What amount is that dollar amount in today's money?

$105,000

What are two of the best ways to find happiness in money?

Put your money towards experiences rather than material things

Be generous with your money including those who are less fortunate and that you're grateful for

When it comes to couples and money, what does respect each other's indulgences mean?

Each partner should have an agreed upon amount they can spend without permission from the other

As discussed in class, what are 3 of the largest contributing factors to the pay difference between full-time working women and full-time working men?

Women are less likely to ask for a raise or promotion

Men gravitate towards college majors and fields that pay more

Even when both are working full time, men work more hours and more irregular ones that tend to pay more

Gottman and Silver (2015) make a number of suggestions for active listening during a "Stress-Reducing Conversation". What is NOT a suggestion?

Offer to take the side of the person your partner is having a disagreement with

According to your text, what should you do when listening to someone experiencing sadness and crying?

Ask what’s missing

Diener and Seligman found the happiest people do what?

Surround themselves with happy people

As the smartphone has become more commonplace, we've witnessed a number of challenging trends in adolescents. What are 3 of those?

More likely to feel lonely

Less likely to hang out with friends

Increases in depression and anxiety

According to the content in the lecture, who has smart phones been harder on (particularly social media), including having larger increases in feeling left out, depression, anxiety and suicide risk?

teenage girls

Women tend to be more emotionally intelligent than men, Gottman suspects one reason women have this leg up is due to what?

The types games they play when they're younger helps them develop these skills

All of Emma's friends have decided not to go onto college, but instead spend most of their free time playing video games and watching Netflix, while making just enough money to get by. Generally, she has been quite the opposite of this, being active outside the home and being enrolled in college. What does the research suggest, if she continues these friendships?

Over time she's likely to become more like her friends

What are 3 drawbacks to social media use?

Seeing how much "better" everyone else's life is, makes us feel worse about our own

The addictive nature leads people to procrastinate

Fosters animosity towards others, because people tend to be meaner when they are not face to face

There is some argument that ______, is the best time and place to find someone to marry, because after that the dating pool shrinks.

College

A study was done with undergrads, having them only spend 30 minutes on social media a day for 30 days. Those who did it, reported that they felt significantly better including what 2 things?

Less depression

Less loneliness

When you break up you should give yourself permission to do what?

Grieve for a brief period of time, and then jump back into life

Gottman suspects many men who resist influence, also do what?

Don't even know they have that problem

According to class discussion, why are we dating less than we use to?

People are putting off long term commitment, which means they're putting off dating too

According to Van Epp, the worse part of the person you are dating __________________, and the best part of them ______________________.

can get worse; won't get much better

As you learned, couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to get divorced. What are 3 ways in which couples can lower that risk as discussed in class?

Wait until you're engaged to do it

Have a serious discussion about what this means

Only consider cohabiting with people you want to spend the rest of your life with

One way to tell a perpetual problem from a solvable problem, in perpetual problems partners will do what?

It will be more emotionally painful and intense

What could you tell your friend who has had numerous sexual hookups over the last few years?

This increases his risk of divorce, if he marries.

How has dating changed in recent years?

Romantic relationships are less-defined than they were in the past

According to Van Epp, why should you look at a person's family background and dynamics when considering whether or not a person is marriage material?

Without insight, people are very likely to repeat family patterns

As discussed in class, what is one of the relationship risks of cohabitation?

Partners having different meanings as to what moving into together means

True or False: Chances are the things a couple has conflict early in their marriage, will be the same thing they'll disagree on thirty years from now.

True

What are 3 way social media has hurt dating?

People don't bother going on a second date (or even first) because they can just stalk online instead instead of taking the time to get to know you

People are quicker to reject potential mates when they see something they don't like about in you line, that might have been better addressed in person

It gives a sense of endless options, leading to choice paralysis

Using insults, sarcasm, name-calling, hostile humor, mockery; being overly critical of the spouse, are part of which 4 horsemen?

Contempt

According to Gottman’s four horsemen, what can one do to address defensiveness?

Take accountability for your part of the problem

What can one do to address the four horsemen concept of contempt?

Develop a culture of appreciation

What are 3 components of a successful marriage?

Be tolerant of each other's faults

Accept influence

Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them

What is a reason as to why marriages fall apart?

We stop dating

In regards to children, what should you figure out before you get married?

Are we putting them in daycare, or will one of us stay home with them

Gottman found that one of the most common reasons one spouse (the listener) does not get the other's repair attempt, is because of what?

The listener is flooded by emotion and can't really listen

Angie and Mike have just finished dinner, when Angie mentions, "I'm disappointed you didn't pay that bill like I asked you to several times?" "You did not tell me several times", Mike retorts. "You only told me once. Why are you making a big deal over this?" Mike's response can best be described as what?

Defensiveness

Principles for resolving conflict

Soften your start-up.

Learn to make and receive repair attempts.

Soothe yourself and each other.

Compromise.

Process any grievances so that they don't linger.

What should a couple figure out about their in-laws before they get married?

What are the expectations for spending holidays?

After the kids come, two-thirds of couples experience a drop in relationship satisfaction, while a third remain happy. In regards to parenting, what is TRUE for these self-reported happy and unhappy couples?

Happy couples are more likely than unhappy couples to agree on about how to share the responsibilities of child rearing.

Seth and Kelly show a lot of warmth towards their daughter, but have a hard time disciplining her and often cave in to her whims. Known as permissive parenting style, what is a likely outcome for a child raised like this?

Impulsive-rebellious

According to your reading from the Arbinger Group, no how matter how hard a parent tries to teach our children, it will matter very little if they don't address what?

The quality of the relationship between the parent and the child

Your 7 year-old daughter runs into the house angry that her friend pushed her. You immediately become emotionally upset with the friend, march over to his parent’s house, and demand from them that they make their son apologize to your daughter. You also explain you’ll sue if there are any damages to your child. Which parental reaction does this reflect?

Save/Rescue

These types of parents are very focused on rules. They have low warmth, and high levels of control.

Authoritarian

What 2 reasons should you stay calm when trying to teach or correct your child?

Because that puts you in a better place to handle your child's emotions

Because our kids learn to manage their emotions by watching us

What are 3 reasons as to why you shouldn't spank?

It's good for short term compliance, but not long term

It tends to be detrimental to the parent-child relationship

Frequently spanked children were found to be more aggressive

Your child comes home with tears over something that happened at school. You don't bother to look up from your phone as you say to your child, "That's too bad." What type of emotional response does this exemplify?

Ignore

This style of parenting produces children that are often solitary and withdrawn.

Uninvolved/neglectful

The Arbinger Group suggests a person's way of being impacts the quality of the marital relationship and our parent-child relationship. They suggest our children can tell what about our parenting?

Whether or not we are thinking of them, or thinking of ourself

Three months ago, Stephanie and her friend Cary, were at the bank when it was robbed by a man with a gun. Fortunately, Stephanie has strong family relationships and access to therapy through her health insurance which has helped her quickly get back on track. Cary had none of those things, and is now too anxious to leave her home. Hill's (1958) ABC-X model suggests Stephanie is doing better for what reason?

She has access to more resources

When it comes to addressing in-law problems, what do Gottman and Silver (2015) suggest?

That the husband should make it clear he is siding with his wife, over his mom

Though there are a number of forms of child maltreatment, this one in particular is the most common.

Neglect

One of your children become seriously ill and needs to be hospitalized for a few weeks. What should a family do to handle this situation in a positive way?

Do your best to continue maintain family structure, including bedtimes and chores

What does the X in the ABC-X Model represent?

How much of a crisis this is for the family

When a big stressor or crisis comes to a family, there is a temptation for family members to fall into what two dysfunctional patterns?

Turn on each other and fight

Drift apart and emotionally isolate

According to your reading, Gottman suggests habitual individual pornography use can lead to both partners being unhappy in bed. Why is that?

The porn user can get fixed on a fantasy that isn't working for their spouse

You're at the park watching your son play on the play equipment. A clean-cut man in his twenties approaches your son and asks him if he wants to play with his remote control car, assuming that man is a sexual perpetrator what will be he looking for most?

To see how attentive you are.

If you clearly find out that an extended family member is sexually abusing your child, what should be your first priority?

Report the situation to the police

One of the most common reasons for child neglect is what?

Parental drug addiction

True or False: A 40-year-old getting married for the first time is less likely to get divorced than a 26-year-old.

False

What are 4 of the challenges of being a single parent?

Risk of child triangulation

Financial constraints

Continued friction with the ex

Child adjustment difficulties

What has research shown about the role of fathers in the lives of their noncustodial children? (3 things)

Fathers rely on others for support.

Relationships with children have positive effects on the father's well being

Close relationships with mother are related to close relationships with noncustodial father.

Who is the biggest risk for getting a divorce?

Recent high school dropouts, who got married because they were pregnant

What's a common mistake a man makes when becoming a step-father?

Implementing high levels of discipline with the intent of straightening out the kids.

Now that you're divorced, you should be nice to your ex's new partner. Why?

Because they'll be spending unsupervised time with your children

What's one thing a step-family can do to become more successful as a family?

Develop a new family identity, including activities and traditions

A benefit of being a single parent is:

Increased closeness between parent and child.

What is NOT one of the ten commandments for helping children transition with divorce?

Spoil them a bit more if you feel guilty

One of the biggest predictors of how hard a divorce is on children is what?

The level of conflict between the parents after the divorce

What scenario describes someone in the sandwich generation?

Shauna, who is taking care of her aging parents, while still dealing with teenagers at home

What is true about people as they age?

People report greater levels of happiness

Midlife crisis comes with what 2 realizations?

The realization that one's life is half over and many goals have not been attained

The realization that one's youth is gone, so the individual will do things to reclaim it

Which term refers to the situation in which adult children move in with their parents while saving money to purchase their own home?

Cluttered nest

In later years, research indicates ________ are the most distant, while _________ are the closest.

Brothers, sisters

Rob and Heather have just sent the last of their three children to college, and now have the house to themselves. Both have felt a little sad about this stage of life. What is this phenomenon referred to as?

Empty nest syndrome

What are 3 positive aspects of all the children moving out?

More money

More time in the marriage for each other

Time to explore new hobbies

The grandparent-grandchild relationship is related to the strength of what?

The parent's relationship with the grandparents

What does research suggest about the commonality of a "mid-life crisis"?

Though there might be some changes, most people don't experience a "crisis"

Gottman and Silver (2015) have identified four essential elements for couples to have shared meaning. This includes rituals of connection, supporting each other's roles, shared values and symbols and _______.

shared goals